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Introvert vs. Extrovert - general rambling

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dizmox Member

Registered: 2007-08-11 Posts: 1149

I'm not depressed but alcohol just gives me a headache and makes me feel down. |:

From: USA Registered: 2008-12-21 Posts: 73

Please talk to someone about your depression. If you're still in school, most universities have psychological services for their students that are free/affordable. If you don't have insurance, then check out this link: http://www.healthcentral.com/depression … insurance/

You need to look for ways to build a social support system--even if it's just one or two really close friends. And it's difficult to make friends when one is feeling so negative. If physical activity makes you feel good, then as someone else said--join a club, take a class, etc. and find other like-minded people. Get involved in a sport that forces you to interact with others. Martial arts worked well for me, because it's hard to be shy when you are kicking each other.

Management is a lot like teaching, I think. It can be learned. It also requires that you bring out the best in your subordinates, and this necessitates an ability to find the positive in other people. Since you are depressed, you're predisposed to honing in on the negative.

Get yourself sorted out first, and then worry about your career. You are not going to be able to make smart decisions about your future if you hate yourself. You can be anything you want to be, and 26 is not old. Plenty of people change their careers over their lifetime. Plenty of people go back to school in their 30s and 40s and 50s to change their field of expertise.

You need to realize that you are in charge of your life and you need to do what is best for you--even if it might feel humiliating. At 26 the only way you're going to get help is if you make the effort and do it yourself.

I do wish you the best of luck. Please take of yourself. First and foremost.

SendaiDan Member

From: Australia Registered: 2009-08-24 Posts: 201 Website

jettyke wrote:
Imagine that you're in Japan in a club and go out to breathe some air. There's this nice girl standing there alone.
「すみません！劣等感ってなんですか？説明してくれませんか？外国人なんですからこの言葉はわかりません」
The woman thinks: Wow, COOL!!! A foreigner who's talking to me in Japanese!!!

I'm not entirely sure you would strike up a conversation by asking someone what an inferiority complex is, but then again it might work I would just stick to the type of music in the club or something

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Javizy Member

From: England Registered: 2007-02-16 Posts: 770

wccrawford wrote:
However, it's not really a choice for most people. They simply are who they are.

I don't believe this. Your experiences lead you to develop your own beliefs and thought patterns, and these are what make you "who you are." Most people have never stopped for even one second to consider that it might be possible to change their beliefs and how they interact with their thoughts, and in turn change who they are, or at least the parts they don't like. Any belief with the words 'can't', 'never', 'useless' etc is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Awareness, acceptance and a bit of commitment is much more powerful than anything running through your mind.

If you always tell yourself you're 'no good with new people,' it's unlikely you ever will be. It'll probably become so ingrained that it makes you even worse in ways you don't realise. When you meet someone, do you ever pay attention to the muscles in your face, your breathing, the sensations in your stomach etc? Are you relaxed like you are with your friends, or are you unconsciously in a similar sort of state that you would be if a grizzly bear was walking past you? Personally, I found learning more about the so-called 'startle response' (aka fight-or-flight, red light reflex and one I'm forgetting) and the devastating effects habituating it can cause quite enlightening. Like I said, awareness can be very helpful.

yukamina Member

From: Canada Registered: 2006-01-09 Posts: 761

Introversion and extroversion are inherent personality traits that can't be changed much. But that doesn't mean an introverted person can't be or become social, have lots of friends, party, etc. It just means that these activities are tiring while more solitary activities are energizing. And, well, as an introvert myself, I don't enjoy partying, so I don't feel like I'm missing something. I don't like being in crowded social situations; a few people I know well is good enough. At the end of a busy day, I'm really tired and I just want me-time. As I understand it, an extrovert would rather use that extra time for something social, and gets bored easily with quiet activities. Don't feel bad if you have different preferences and temperaments than society deems ideal.

IceCream Closed Account

Registered: 2009-05-08 Posts: 3124

jettyke wrote:
IceCream wrote:
btw, medication also helps with social anxiety.
Wow you've got me curious!!
Not that I usually have social anxiety...
But I hope that the medication isn't alcohol XD

lol noooo. i meant normal anti-depressants... although research shows that different types have different effects, so it depends, i guess.

dizmox Member

Registered: 2007-08-11 Posts: 1149

Urgh, starting at this company means I'm going to have to go to company parties and crap just so I don't seem like a pariah. What are other people's experience of workplace socialising?

aphasiac Member

From: 台湾 Registered: 2009-03-16 Posts: 1036

Raschaverak wrote:
I feel - or rather, I know, even If I try to live my life to the fullest, my past - one's best years in life - the early 20s, are gone, without having a girlfriend, parties, or in general - joy I know it will haunt me forever.. I don't know how to enjoy life - sad thing is, I think I never knew...

dude, early 20s are rubbish! Definitely best time is late 20s and 30s - have head properly screwed by that stage.
Icecream is right, you do sound unduly negative - just gotta find something positive to do, have a goal in life.

dizmox wrote:
What are other people's experience of workplace socialising?

Pretty much like any type of forced socialising, except that is one positive - you all have something in common to talk / bitch about.

Work social events are also a good opportunity to get to know your officemates and network with the big-wigs - it's fun most of the time don't worry!

dizmox Member

Registered: 2007-08-11 Posts: 1149

At any party I've been to I've always felt like the awkward person that doesn't quite feel comfortable there, and it probably shows. So I'd be even more nervous knowing the big wigs are there going "who's that awkward newbie? who hired him?" lol. -_-

Oh well, as long as no one's chanting "drink drink drink" like college students lol.

Last edited by dizmox (2011 June 01, 3:08 pm)

elhnad Member

Registered: 2007-09-24 Posts: 46

i wouldn't depend on drugs for anything but emergencies, much less antidepressants. Every drug that gets tested can't get thoroughly reviewed by the FDA, they just don't have enough manpower/money to do it. They usually just read the reports done by the companies themselves.

When you think of how unnatural drugs are, our bodies didn't evolve to metabolize these foreign chemicals without consequences. Out of the millions of biochemical processes that happen in the body, you think drug makers could really isolate all fo them and see long term what effect thaey have in the body? highly doubtful. Since we can't patent nature, Many drugs are "discovered" by looking at natural herbs and plants and isolating and modifiying the effective compound in them. It turns out modification ends up making these drugs unrecognizable in the body and results in side effects.

Change your mind/beliefs, change your life. Proper nutrition (aka eating real unprocessed food including animal foods!) can help with your mindset. I know i used to care so much about how i looked physically and would stare at my abs in the mirror many times a day, but as a result or maybe as a cause, I cared way too much about what I ate and tried to diet and was paranoid. Once i started eating what I wanted (as long as it was real food) i gained a little weight but i stopped caring about what i looked physically. So I think proper nutrition can nourish a person and possibly correct some imbalances hormonally that may manifest in certain inward or outward thoughts and behaviors. At the end of the day, your hormonal system probably is in charge of your health.

Nagareboshi Member

From: Austria Registered: 2010-10-11 Posts: 569 Website

Being introvert doesn't follow that a person isn't able to have a normal and healthy social life, or isn't able to communicate with others, which is definitely not the case. Your typical introvert is a person, who just needs some rest to "charge his batteries," after a social event or work. Thus needing some time to be left alone. They might not have that big friendship circle, and feel better with only some "true" friends. They may or may not enjoy going to parties, or to christmas celebration held by a company.

Whatever you are going to do, be yourself. Don't look at others and try to be[come] someone who you are not. You don't have to be a party animal, and you don't have to have an outgoing personality either. I don't know what you expect your life to become, but you [still] have plenty of time to think it over. 20 is no age, really.

For your career, and in case you are really an introvert, and not suffering from social anxiety, shyness, depression or social isolation, there is a book called "200 Best Jobs for Introverts." Although this book is written for the American job market, you should still be able to find something, that is available in Hungary as well. Since jobs are all the same everywhere - well almost, that is. ;-)

I always knew how to enjoy myself, or my life, and how i can have fun. Even though physically limited to my "four walls" in recent years now, i still have many things i can do and i can enjoy. Learning, watching old movies, reading books, watching Anime, laughing about the mistakes i make while trying something new, playing games [again], learning different kinds of things in general. So even if i were still able to go to parties, or sitting in a cinema, i would prefer a good book over it, but this is just me.

In my life there are many things i honestly regret. But who doesn't? If i could change those things that went wrong, knowing now what i didn't back when, i always come to the same conclusion. Everything that has happened to me, no matter it being good or very bad things, made me the person who I am today. And i like being who I am. And there is little to make me happy. I don't need a large amount of money, this isn't going to make me healthy, or happier. I once had more money than i could spend, and i was poor for some years, and now i am somewhere in the middle.

Being retired now, i work on plans, how to improve my future. Nobody knows, maybe they are going to find a cure, and getting a degree from a university, starting to study - i will be well prepared. And if not? I would not have lost anything. Now, that I really know what I want and can do, or can still do.

And you too must have things that you can enjoy, don't you? I mean, do you like to read? Do you like to go to the movies? Do you like to sing, to make music, or something of that nature? Something that is creative? Like drawing maybe? Think of things you enjoy, or you were enjoying in the past. Make a list, and see what it is, and start working from there. Instead of looking on the bright side of death, look at the bright side of life. And if you really want to change something, go and find help, just don't force yourself to do anything. Oh, and before i forget it, make some plans how you would like your life to be in another 20 years. Make it 50 points, and don't give a damn about it, if the chances of them becoming real are realistic. If you can become a rocket scientist, i can enter M.I.T. If others can become doctors at the age of 40, why should i not be able to become one myself? Things like that. What i try to say is, don't hold back, everything goes! And if from the 50 things you find some things worth chasing after, even if it takes some years, start working on it. すべての道も一歩から始まります。

On a side note, i do also enjoy to visit the following website from time to time to see, whom i was able to outlive.
Dead or Alive Info Only 4 days to go and I beat John Belushi. My next aim is Princess Diana, Marilyn Monroe, Bob Marley, Martin Luther King, Jr. but those are some 11xx or 22xx days ahead of me. (^^')

Raschaverak Member

From: Hungary Registered: 2008-12-30 Posts: 362

Hi, thank you for the replies..
Problem is I don't want to be like this anyomre.... so reserved. Really...I want to have some friends, a girlfriend - I have been trying really hard - it didn't work out... being just average is not enough nowadays. All the women I've dated so far had a big friend circle, when they told me they were here, and there this and that weekend, and then asked - and you? Hm...I could not really reply. Having no social life I guess is alarming - people, specially women automatically think: oohh, there must be something wrong with the guy - thus no second date
But that is the least of my concerns now really, just another kind of rejection - I don't care... I guess somewhere in the middle would be good - being an introvert, but going out sometimes....but, without people to invite it's impossible.
So, basically, the loneliness feeling is just eating me up big time - specially my concentration, and cognitive abilities.... News is I got fired from my job last week..soo....yeah, things are not going as I thought they would be, a few years earlier....I can't really afford going to a psychologist right now...so...hm.

Rekkusu Member

From: Kyoto Registered: 2009-07-12 Posts: 172

"If you look to the lives of others, you’ll always find yourself lacking.
Look instead at what you have, and be grateful."
- Leo Babauta

First of all, get things straight and pull yourself together. Sure getting fired and being in a social dip sucks, but nothing of this will matter in five years if you leave the past behind and take the opportunity to make a clean start.

But most importantly, don't be jealous of - or try to be - other people. Be yourself and be grateful for who you are, others are in no way superior to you and - may it be in time - will probably face just as much 'shit of the fan'.

So just be your self, and if you want to change how your life flows do the things that you think will get you there best. But most importantly, don't go out of your way and do things you don't want. If people don't like you because you didn't go to party X or do thing Y then they are probably not worth your time and you should just move on.

If you are really yourself and are gratefully so, then people, be it male or female, will find you interesting.

- signed: shy dutch guy gathering courage to hit on that cute Korean girl he met the other day

IceCream Closed Account

Registered: 2009-05-08 Posts: 3124

Raschaverak wrote:
being just average is not enough nowadays.

negative thinking... BAD, and totally untrue...

Raschaverak wrote:
All the women I've dated so far had a big friend circle, when they told me they were here, and there this and that weekend, and then asked - and you? Hm...I could not really reply. Having no social life I guess is alarming - people, specially women automatically think: oohh, there must be something wrong with the guy - thus no second date

negative thinking... BAD. Look, if you came off as a creepy negative weirdo, your not going to get a second date. But it's really all about the way you portray it. A little mysteriousness is cool. And apart from that, just say something positive about what you did recently. Say something about learning Japanese or whatever. It doesn't matter. Or, try to meet some slightly more reclusive girls... that's what the internet is for, right!?? fellow recluses can socialise...

Raschaverak wrote:
But that is the least of my concerns now really, just another kind of rejection - I don't care... I guess somewhere in the middle would be good - being an introvert, but going out sometimes....but, without people to invite it's impossible.

nothing's impossible. If you put yourself in the right situations, and are a happy and positive person, people will like you and want to talk to you. You don't have to be some kind of social god, just be fun and make other people happy to be around you.

Raschaverak wrote:
News is I got fired from my job last week..soo....yeah, things are not going as I thought they would be, a few years earlier....

well, didn't you say you didn't like your job anyway...? So you can consider this a perfect opportunity to do something different. (see, positive thinking!!)

Raschaverak wrote:
I can't really afford going to a psychologist right now...so...hm.

You don't necessarily need a psychologist, you just need to go to a normal everyday doctor and tell them exactly how depressed you are. This just sounds like an excuse to me. i understand that many people don't like the idea of seeing a doctor for something like this... but seriously, you are a walking checklist for depression or something!!! if you really want your life to change, just do it, go right now, this minute, take the first step!!! After that, the rest is up to you, and you really are going to have to practise thinking positively every single minute you can.

But everything you ever write... it doesn't sound like "loser" to me, it just sounds like someone whose just, really depressed. Once you aren't depressed anymore, all those things that you want - a social life, a girlfriend, a job you can be happy in... they will happen because you will be a normal everyday generally likable and happy, positive guy.

honestly, you can be happy in any situation, unless your depressed (read Nagareboshis post again, i'm totally in awe of him!!!). And you can also change your if you're not depressed. You can't if you are... so, GO RIGHT NOW!!! STOP WASTING TIME!!!

Last edited by IceCream (2011 June 02, 9:16 am)

Javizy Member

From: England Registered: 2007-02-16 Posts: 770

Psychoanalysis is an absolute crock of shite. I'm not sure if anyone doubts that, but it's what springs to mind when I hear the word 'psychologist'. As far as I'm aware, there are at least two kinds of therapy that have scientific backing: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). They get results in something like 3-6 sessions, and CBT is favoured by the NHS in the UK. There are plenty of good books on these therapies though, so you're free to work on them by yourself if finding a therapist is a problem.

If you haven't tried reading any books, you might be surprised at how helpful they can be. I'd always thought anything in the self-help section was for the gullible saps who made Tony Robbins rich, but there's a lot more to the genre than get-rich-quick schemes and dating guides. There's some scarily important information stocked in Amazon's warehouses that various healthcare professionals will never make you aware of. If you ever develop something like RSI or back pain, you'll discover this in a completely different way, but for now why not try something like The Happiness Trap (guide to ACT) and see how you get on?

Last edited by Javizy (2011 June 02, 9:40 am)

Raschaverak Member

From: Hungary Registered: 2008-12-30 Posts: 362

This is only slightly related to my original topic, but if you've dated a girl, and she says ok, let's meet sometime again, you exchange a few text messages via cellphone, 1,5 week goes by, and the girl suddenly dissapears (will not return calls, nor messages) - why is that? I accept - not surprised, or anything - that she has changed her mind - but what really annoyes me to hell (this is actually good, as anger is better than depression ) why doesn't she say so?? She could just send a damn email or something - fair-and-square. But no... I've observed all women do this...is it just me, or the country, both, neither...or....I really don't get it. Ideas?

dizmox Member

Registered: 2007-08-11 Posts: 1149

I think they just say "let's meet again sometime" regardless of how much they like you.

Raschaverak Member

From: Hungary Registered: 2008-12-30 Posts: 362

dizmox wrote:
I think they just say "let's meet again sometime" regardless of how much they like you.

Possible, but then why would she exchange text messages with me for a week? Out of courtesy? Hm. I don't linke dishonest people, regardless of gender.
Oh well, guess I'll have to look up the 'services' If I'm ever going to have sex with a woman A relationship at this point doesn't even come into play...

pudding cat Member

From: UK Registered: 2010-12-09 Posts: 497

Raschaverak wrote:
This is only slightly related to my original topic, but if you've dated a girl, and she says ok, let's meet sometime again, you exchange a few text messages via cellphone, 1,5 week goes by, and the girl suddenly dissapears (will not return calls, nor messages) - why is that? I accept - not surprised, or anything - that she has changed her mind - but what really annoyes me to hell (this is actually good, as anger is better than depression ) why doesn't she say so?? She could just send a damn email or something - fair-and-square. But no... I've observed all women do this...is it just me, or the country, both, neither...or....I really don't get it. Ideas?

If you've been dating for a while then fair enough, she's acting unfairly and should really explain not just stop talking to you. If it's only a few dates though, saying "Let's meet again sometime" and then cutting contact is a lot easier than suddenly saying "Sorry, this isn't working. Let's not meet again."

ta12121 Member

From: Canada Registered: 2009-06-02 Posts: 3190

Raschaverak wrote:
This is only slightly related to my original topic, but if you've dated a girl, and she says ok, let's meet sometime again, you exchange a few text messages via cellphone, 1,5 week goes by, and the girl suddenly dissapears (will not return calls, nor messages) - why is that? I accept - not surprised, or anything - that she has changed her mind - but what really annoyes me to hell (this is actually good, as anger is better than depression ) why doesn't she say so?? She could just send a damn email or something - fair-and-square. But no... I've observed all women do this...is it just me, or the country, both, neither...or....I really don't get it. Ideas?

simple answer: girls are crazy (well most guys already know this one lol)
Or a better way of saying is: they are very indirect. But on the other hand,guys are direct. They will say in your face if your acting annoying,etc

Last edited by ta12121 (2011 June 02, 3:06 pm)

jettyke Member

From: 九州 Registered: 2008-04-07 Posts: 1194

Raschaverak wrote:
This is only slightly related to my original topic, but if you've dated a girl, and she says ok, let's meet sometime again, you exchange a few text messages via cellphone, 1,5 week goes by, and the girl suddenly dissapears (will not return calls, nor messages) - why is that? I accept - not surprised, or anything - that she has changed her mind - but what really annoyes me to hell (this is actually good, as anger is better than depression ) why doesn't she say so?? She could just send a damn email or something - fair-and-square. But no... I've observed all women do this...is it just me, or the country, both, neither...or....I really don't get it. Ideas?

Just read this related thread on mixi today.
http://mixi.jp/view_bbs.pl?id=62666748& … id=1310210

jettyke Member

From: 九州 Registered: 2008-04-07 Posts: 1194

ta12121 wrote:
simple answer: girls are crazy (well most guys already know this one lol)
Or a better way of saying is: they are very indirect. But on the other hand,guys are direct. They will say in your face if your acting annoying,etc

Well I have a friends who will start quarreling and says it in your face if there is something she doesn't like it

Tzadeck Member

From: Kinki Registered: 2009-02-21 Posts: 2484

elhnad wrote:
When you think of how unnatural drugs are, our bodies didn't evolve to metabolize these foreign chemicals without consequences. Out of the millions of biochemical processes that happen in the body, you think drug makers could really isolate all fo them and see long term what effect thaey have in the body? highly doubtful. Since we can't patent nature, Many drugs are "discovered" by looking at natural herbs and plants and isolating and modifiying the effective compound in them. It turns out modification ends up making these drugs unrecognizable in the body and results in side effects.

The life expectancy in Britain in the 17th century was between 15-30, depending on your class and gender. By 1961 the world average life expectancy was 67.

Drugs are the reason we live long enough to worry about long term effects.

You should really learn something about medical science before positing about it. It sounds like you're just making shit up.

jettyke Member

From: 九州 Registered: 2008-04-07 Posts: 1194

Tzadeck wrote:
You should really learn something about medical science before positing about it. It sounds like you're just making shit up.

I totally agree. I don't have much knowledge in that field but it seemed obvious to me that that post wasn't worth reading/believing.

IceCream Closed Account

Registered: 2009-05-08 Posts: 3124

ta12121 wrote:
Raschaverak wrote:
This is only slightly related to my original topic, but if you've dated a girl, and she says ok, let's meet sometime again, you exchange a few text messages via cellphone, 1,5 week goes by, and the girl suddenly dissapears (will not return calls, nor messages) - why is that? I accept - not surprised, or anything - that she has changed her mind - but what really annoyes me to hell (this is actually good, as anger is better than depression ) why doesn't she say so?? She could just send a damn email or something - fair-and-square. But no... I've observed all women do this...is it just me, or the country, both, neither...or....I really don't get it. Ideas?
simple answer: girls are crazy (well most guys already know this one lol)
Or a better way of saying is: they are very indirect. But on the other hand,guys are direct. They will say in your face if your acting annoying,etc

loooool no way!!! this isn't restricted to girls, guys do this at least as much!!!

well, i think it's probably pretty much even for first date / one night stand type stuff to not take someone's calls or respond to messages afterwards. It's just that someone doesn't want to be impolite or mean to you. It's not really so much dishonesty, just learning to read the situation. On the other hand, if she was just busy for a while and you overdid the phonecalls or textmessages, she probably backed off for other reasons.

... while it's equal for that though, i've heard of way more guys who dump long standing girlfriends by text or email, and then never return their calls if they want to speak about it... or even don't bother even with that courtesy and just pointedly ignore them. i really rarely hear about girls doing that with long term boyfriends. That's just totally off, imo...

anyway, @Raschaverak, anger is just another negative emotion. it might be slightly better to be angry at other people rather than turning it in on yourself, but it's not likely to help you for long...

Last edited by IceCream (2011 June 03, 7:19 am)