My friend, you have not even properly talked to her, and already you are wondering if her family will accept you?
Forget the fact that she is Korean, or even Asian. She is a WOMAN. Having that kind of pre-existing thoughts just brings a whole lot of dark, crappy stereotypes into the table, and will negatively color your conversation with her, and it WILL NOT END WELL. Imagine she is a blank slate, and any interaction you have with her will gradually reveal pieces of the true story, as opposed to any crazy fantasy (positive or negative) that you might have concocted in your head prior to meeting her.
Here are my humble pieces of advice:
Start talking to her casually, forget about impressing her, forget about whether you can date her or not, forget about any future you two might have together or not, do not give any importance to what she might not think or not of you. Just take the chance, comment on how curious her bracelet (necklace, ring) is and where did she get it, or how the book she is holding is interesting, and how did she become interested in that topic, or anything about her that is distinctive and might be worthy of comment. Don't blow your mind trying to think of something clever to say as an opening line, no more than as if you were talking to one of your guy friends.
Ideally, you should approach her only a short time after you saw her. Don't spend 3 minutes looking at her across the room, thinking of something to say, you will just look creepy. There is something called the 3 seconds rule, which some people here may have heard about. It means that from the moment when you see her, you should say something to her within that space of time. Of course, it is not to be taken literally at all times, and it does not mean you should rudely interrupt her when she seems to be busy with something. Don't try to force the opportunity, or plot beforehand a meeting. If you bump into her on a corridor, or if you catch her reading the school bulletin, wall postings, or searching for books, or at the cafe not doing anything special, then you should just approach, and politely introduce yourself to her.
Eventually you might also say that you are thinking of learning about Korean culture better, and if sometime both of them could talk about it while sharing a coffee at school/university whatever, when has time and is not busy.
If there is anything you can do before talking to her, is to just decide, RESOLUTELY, that you will give your best positive attitude while meeting her. Don't think about doing anything in particular, just having a positive energy, and making sure that any moment she spends in your company is in good spirits. If you can be funny, that is a good thing in your favor. At any case, be relaxed, and don't try to win her immediately. Just introduce yourself, talk casually or explain why you would like her small advice with some project you are doing, or planning a trip to Korea, and just speak with a relaxed, casual, friendly atmosphere. Not because you are trying to impress her, but because you have decided that you are, by nature, a person that focuses on the positive side of life, and who will give the best of himself to everyone, whether they are guys or girls. Regardless of her attitude, this is something you should decide to do on a daily habit.
If she replies positively, then ask about where she comes from, and how is she adjusting to life here, how does she feel about the school life, etc. Focus on how she feels about things, not on boring facts. If you ask her about her hobbies, and it happens to be a movie, or a song, or a sport that you are interested in, explain her how you feel about it.
If, on the other hand, she remains cold and uninterested while you approached her, then she is NOT worth your precious time. Gracefully make your exit, without being phased at all, because you are clearly above such moody behavior. Saying something like, well, gotta go back, nice chatting with you, have a good day, and hope you enjoy staying here!
Also, do NOT overstay your welcome if she shows interest. A few minutes of good talk is usually enough for a first meeting. It should be you making the exit, not her. As soon as you see yourself blocked, struggling to find something to say, immediately make your exit, while the going is good, and say that you enjoyed talking to her, and that we should continue the conversation some other time. If things went really well, maybe you might even exchange e-mail contacts, or schedule there and then a new meeting for coffee. But let it go casually, don't force it. In another meeting, there will be another chance for that.
And from then on, talk to her normally, be funny without being gross, don't be afraid to make fun of yourself from time to time, don't take life seriously, focus on talking about (good) feelings and broadcast your positive energy to others, don't hide your sexual energy (trying to act like a prudish, androgynous person will just put you in "Let's just be friends" land, but just don't be gross about it, don't over exaggerate, be classy and speak with a sense of humor, good taste, and not taking the topic seriously). If the topic steers to relationships between people, then that is a good time to talk about how you feel ideally the relationships between 2 people should be, and you can ask her about her own opinions on the topic.
And in the middle of all this, all of the weird questions that you posed on the original topic will answer themselves, without you having to specifically ask for anything. If she feels comfortable with you, she will gradually and naturally give these pieces of info to you without thinking about it.
Sorry if this post is boring... just trying to help! Good Luck.
Last edited by bebio (2010 April 03, 6:12 pm)
