cescoz
Member
From: Italy
Registered: 2008-01-22
Posts: 131
Well, what a discussion here:)
The aim of this topic is to share experiences of loving and marriage in Japan from a gaijin point of view...for the youngers here...
In this forum we all studying Japanese bacause we like something about the country, sure,for someone are manga e anime, for others woman, food and tradition, and there are people that love Japan in general but...
I'm interested to know how is the current situation for find a japanese girlfriend for a foreigner.
I'm asking this because searching on the net about this argument started to be a little scary...People don't know what to say and no sense things are well spreaded in these pages.
In this community there are people with real experiences in this field, so all the comments, advices, news are well accepted.
thermal
Member
From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: 2007-11-30
Posts: 399
Generalisation time:
There are easy women who want a foreign boyfriend, however they are not very cool. These girls are not common in the country side.
There are deeper cooler women who generally are open to the idea, or maybe even prefer a foreign boyfriend. However, they are not easy and would only go go out with a guy if they were really interested in the whole package.
Almost no girls in Japan will make the first move, so if you don't have a certain amount of self confidence you will find it hard to get even the easy girls.
So basically, if you want cheap sex and don't have high standards (and have confidence) then Japan is a good place for you. If you want a cool and potentially long term girlfriend, it probably is not so good depending on what kind of girls you like.
In my case I like girls who have self confidence and can live happily without a partner. There are not many girls like this.
Last edited by thermal (2009 July 14, 8:38 am)
Riding on the train is a great place to meet new friends/love interests. I did my best with my broken Japanese to start conversations and Japanese girls were often eager to practice their English. At 18, if you are confident, the girls will love you 
IceCream wrote:
why,why? do you ever see skinny awkward looking western girls with beautiful japanese men? 
I think Japanese men are a little intimidated by Western women. There are some cultural differences that make a Japanese man/Western woman relationship challenging.
Last edited by bodhisamaya (2009 July 14, 1:48 pm)
QuackingShoe
Member
From: USA
Registered: 2008-04-19
Posts: 721
I don't disagree with the troublesome culture differences being stated. However, this is where I'd like to point out that, while 主人 does indeed mean what it means (ご主人様!), the English word 'husband' means the exact same thing: Master, head of a household, landowner, manager. One just doesn't think about it anymore, unless, perhaps, one is British.
So, you shouldn't really judge a culture by the roots of the words it uses, even if the original meaning of a word might be more obvious in certain languages than others (like a language that uses chinese characters 
). We use a lot of really slanted words on a regular basis, but time has completely dulled their string, unless someone decided to stir it all up again. Flipside, we also frequently turn really innocuous words into grave offenses (fag, anyone?). In the end, none of it actually means anything.
Last edited by QuackingShoe (2009 July 14, 2:43 pm)
Yinake
Member
Registered: 2009-07-14
Posts: 11
I'm culturally German and I'd like to point out that Damen means lady and Herr means mister, and that dämlich (ladylike) means stupid, and herrlich (misterlike) means wonderful.
We rarely ever think about it.
There are PC movements in Japan now to use the less offensive words 'tsuma' and 'otto' instead of 'kanai' and 'shujin', too, so I wouldn't necessarily judge a culture by the meaning of its words...
Not that Japan, as a whole, isn't more 'traditional' in its gender roles (because it is!), but it's still a highly individual thing. I'm mixed, half-white and half-Korean, but all white (German) culturally, and I've had pretty good luck dating Korean guys (as in, Korean guys from Korea), and I don't see why Japanese guys would be any different. You have the goblins and you have the sweet ones; you just gotta get good at spotting the difference.
Pretty sure the same applies to Japanese women, too.
Last edited by Yinake (2009 July 14, 2:59 pm)
QuackingShoe
Member
From: USA
Registered: 2008-04-19
Posts: 721
For example, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/husband
I know some people take issue with dictionary.com (for some reason?), but you can hit other dictionaries or google 'husband etymology'.
The fact that it evolved in meaning in really the same way 主人 did makes me think that it's probably a common trend throughout languages, but I've never had any reason to investigate. It seems like a pretty natural way for such a word to develop, though...
But, de-raaaaaailed.
Last edited by QuackingShoe (2009 July 14, 3:30 pm)
Matthew
Member
From: Purgatory
Registered: 2006-03-20
Posts: 84
I would divide Japanese women into three categories:
1) "Typical" Japanese. Overall content with Japan and Japanese guys, not really familiar or interested with living in other countries. Not that they would never date a foreigner, but they're definitely not seeking it out. This is the vast majority of women in Japan.
2) Western-obsessed. Only interested in dating foreigners, constantly bashing Japan and Japanese men. The are often almost ashamed of being Asian. Extremely over-representative of Japanese women outside of Japan (for obvious reasons) and contribute to a lot to negative stereotypes about Japan, even though they are a small minority compared to group #1.
3) International/Cosmopolitan (but balanced). Usually well-educated, successful "career woman" types. They've been exposed to the western world through their studies and career so they have a fairly realistic understanding about it. But they're still not anti-Japan. This is by far the smallest minority, but I find them the most rewarding to be with.
Last edited by Matthew (2009 July 14, 3:37 pm)
Yinake
Member
Registered: 2009-07-14
Posts: 11
IceCream wrote:
yeah, theres gotta be openminded people around everywhere right?
I do agree with that, and what I wanted to convey in my original post. Much of love is unpredictable anyway -- you 'click', or you don't. Having said that, the vast majority of people do end up finding someone to love eventually, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.
To the OP (or anyone else looking for a gf/bf), I'd just suggest trying to maximize what you have to offer (looks, manners, education, etc.), trying to make the most of yourself, and approaching people when there is interest. Things should fall into place eventually. I know that the phrase, "don't go looking for love, love will come find you" is trite and overused, but I've found it to be true -- being relaxed about the whole thing and not having it drilled into your head that you absolutely must find a bf/gf seems to be a more positive and more effective approach. Eventually you should meet someone you connect with, so I wouldn't worry too much about the whole thing, whether you're a man or a woman, Japanese or Western, or whatever.
Good luck to the OP and everyone else looking, though. ^^;
