vix86 wrote:

I think the Japanese are about the same as any other country when it comes to negative things. I think of a number of exceptions, but thats mostly dealing with history. Otherwise, they are just about the same with things.

But there's no smoke without fire, so people who say that bringing up your problems or complain (considered negative things) is not well received at all, didn't totally make that up, right?

I'm a bit confused by people downplaying the Japanese aversion to talking about negative things.  I like talking about negative things once in a while because I find it kind of healthy (or perhaps cathartic), and in America people were accepting of that, but in Japan I find that it's pretty unacceptable.  When I go out with my Japanese friends I feel like the conversation is always limited to the brighter sides of things.

Sometimes the honne/tatemae thing plays a roll.  An extreme example of this was with my ex-girlfriend.  We were friends for more than a year before we started dating.  And we usually talked about happy things.  But once we started dating and she felt very comfortable with me she told me all the bad things in her life, all at the same time a month or so into our relationship.  She had even lied to me to avoid saying depressing things.  For example, she dropped out of high school for a very depressing reason (that I won't explain), but until she opened up to me she had told me that it was because she was upset about how strict her school was.  She came out with a lot of negative stuff like that, one by one, over the course of a few days.

vix86 wrote:

Sounds like your US friends are a lot better than your Japanese ones then.

Err, no. 


Also, I've lived in Japan for five years.  You say you 'personally know' how Japanese people act, but I don't?

Last edited by Tzadeck (2012 November 08, 1:12 am)

I agree with vix86 that Japanese do indeed talk about negative things, even with people whom they're not close. However, the key difference is that they talk about negative things in a positive way. People often laugh or smile when talking about negative things. If you adopt a serious expression and tone of voice when discussing a negative topic, you'll probably not be taken well. Even negative variety show personas, e.g. 栗原 類, are presented in a light-hearted, humorous way.

P.S. The news is not an accurate reflection of how people actually talk in a social setting. I think the closest comparisons to actual conversation are variety shows and those NHK discussion shows.

dizmox wrote:

I wish I could pick and choose my Japanese friends so I don't have to conform to certain patterns of stereotypical interaction to get along.

Oh wait I can.

This discussion isn't about you, nor about making friends with every Japanese person and certainly not about changing the way you act to conform a Japanese person. Stereotypical interactions, as you call them, are still interesting to talk about, even if it doesn't mean anything on an individual basis. If you don't think it's interesting, please don't feel obliged to participate