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甘え concept in the japanese society
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"Amae (ah-my) is a word of extraordinary importance in Japan’s traditional culture. It subsumes the fundamental principle underlying the traditional, idealized behavior of the Japanese, and although significantly weakened by cultural changes that have been going on in Japan in modern times, especially since the mid-1900s, it is still a vital factor in the overall mindset of the Japanese.
Amae, from the verb amaeru (ah-my-rue), refers to presuming upon the love and indulgence of others when speaking or behaving in a manner that will cause some level of inconvenience, irritation or some other form of friction … and not expecting any negative feedback.
To react properly to expressions or actions of amae requires that individuals repress all of their selfish instincts and behave toward others as mothers do toward beloved children — treating them honestly, generously and kindly, regardless of the circumstances.
In this idealized amae-based world of early Japan, the Golden Rule was that people should be able to depend upon each other without fear of being cheated, disadvantaged or embarrassed in any way. In other words, amae incorporated the concepts of absolute dependence and absolute trust in all human relations.
Of course, this amae morality was never practiced perfectly in Japan at any time, but it was sufficiently powerful to permeate the culture and to raise the standards of behavior of ordinary people in Japan well above the average found in other countries.
The inculcation of the amae principle in Japanese began to wane following the end of World War II in 1945, but its influence is still felt, even in the younger generations. Older people simply cannot feel at ease with others until they have developed an amae-type relationship with them.
This is still true today, especially in business relationships, and is one of the reasons why it generally takes longer to establish business ties in Japan than in Western countries. It is also the reason why many of the actions of Japanese are based on personal factors, rather than the “hard facts” espoused by Western businesspeople.
I introduced the concept of amae to Western businessmen as a vital factor in the attitudes and behavior of the Japanese in my book Japanese Etiquette & Ethics in Business, first published in 1959, and as of this writing still in print (in its 8th edition) at McGraw-Hill.
In that book I wrote that amae can be translated figuratively as “indulgent love,” and that it was the pillar around which the traditional character, personality and aspirations of the Japanese were built.
The principle and practice of amae are certainly not unique to Japan, but the Japanese were apparently the only people (other than perhaps isolated tribes) who made it the primary essence of their social system.
Many Western businesspeople who began visiting Japan from the 1960s on became fascinated by the amae concept but they had extreme difficulty in attempting to conduct themselves in an amae manner when dealing with their Japanese partners and suppliers.
In Western societies growing into adulthood has traditionally been related to repressing the need for amae and its use as a tactic or ploy in dealing with other people. In the Western context, achieving adulthood means leaving most amae thoughts and behavior behind, in one’s childhood.
However, Westerner businesspeople who became familiar with the amae concept from 1960 on were, in fact, able to improve their relationships with their Japanese contacts because they better understood the cultural rationale of their behavior. But this familiarity did not end all of the friction and misunderstandings between Westerners and their Japanese partners.
The power of amae in Japanese culture — both in business and in private relationships — has noticeably diminished but it is still the ideal foundation for all relationships in Japan, and must be understand and dealt with in order to create and maintain the harmony that is required by the society.
In recent years it has become fairly common to see the word amae in Western books, magazines and in the news media in reference to Japanese attitudes and behavior, and remarkably, some of the changes that have occurred in the Western approach to personnel management are based on amae principles.
The adoption of some elements of amae in corporate behavior in the United States in particular — in the 1970s and 80s — was a direct result of the rise of Japan as an economic superpower. These elements, expressed in different terms, included a much more personal and employee-oriented approach to management."
http://knowledgenetwork.thunderbird.edu … anagement/
your thoughts? Ever felt this by some Japanese person?
I'm quite interested in this subject actually, I bought a book called "the anatomy of dependence", by Takeo Doi, which should arrive sometime around next week. Until then, I'll try to do some more research on this. Any recommendations on this subject please share.
EDIT: Found another link
http://www.sociology.org/content/vol005 … -nomi.html
Last edited by CarolinaCG (2012 July 21, 3:52 pm)
The article above and the additional one you linked help explain the concept abstractly, so I'll mention how I've actually encountered 甘え in my experience. Whenever I observe Japanese, the concept is immediately apparent in their body language, tone of voice, choice of words, and actions. Typically, the dependent* persons will do the following for those on whom they depend:
- Bow more often and longer.
- Speak in a voice similar to how a younger brother or sister speaks to an older one or how an apprentice speakers to a master.
- Use more polite words and speak like a youth would to a role model.
- Perform unrequested favors.
The general idea of the above points is that the dependent persons assume an attitude of looking up to and seeking the approval of those on whom they depend.
Therefore, my recommendations on this subject are just to observe Japanese people and carefully study their behaviors. TV dramas are a good resource for this.
As for how the concept relates to interacting with Japanese, my interactions have been much more successful when I establish 甘え type relationships. It seems to be the default relationship style for Japanese people. Although they are possible, I rarely encounter the cooperative, equal-status relationship style of progressive Westerners (e.g. Google and other tech firms) or the hierarchical, command-and-obey relationship style of conservative Westerns (e.g. the military, accounting firms, etc.).
I encourage you to try and establish an 甘え type relationship. Just ask for help and assume an attitude of dependence with an emphasized sense of looking up to the other person. You'll be surprised at how quickly you'll capture someone's attention and affections.
*I find "dependent" misleading since both parties are interdependent. One person depends on the approval of the other, whereas the other person depends on the dotage of the one seeking approval.
Last edited by vileru (2012 July 21, 6:22 pm)
First of all... there's no "my"
a --> ah
ma --> mum
e --> fair
ru --> rue
Second, please do not confuse "amae" (which you can actually find in a lot of love relationships) with the senpai-kouhai relationship (which is like a big brother-little brother relationship... but in a highly hierarchical society).
Amaeru means to behave like a spoiled child, while amayakasu means to spoil someone.
Well, "spoil" is actually too strong for all the range of its uses.
However you actually hear people giving advice like "ask him/her to spoil you more" (again, "spoil" is too strong), but this is true for relationship, and extending this concept to other areas is like cheating to sell more copies of a psychology book.
The beehive mentality makes big and strong industries, but is the bond senpai-kouhai that makes great the japanese people.
Senpai-kouhai bond isn't a master-pupil bond. No one pays a senpai to teach, you need to learn watching (= 見習う minarau = being an apprentice) and you must give something in return.
My reference to a brotherly relationship isn't a coincidence. Young geisha apprentices learn watching their senpai and they call them "oneesan" (big sister). A "young yakuza" call his senpai "aniki" (big brother). Where there's still a familiar structure, senpai are brother/sister-like figures.
This kind of "organizations" with a familiar structure are around from way before tha appearance of amae after WWII. This should clearly point out a distinction, I hope.
How it works? Very well, actually.
Senpai need to improve themselves to be a model for their kouhai, while kouhai don't want to betray the expectations of their senpai, because they'll be soon senpai of someone else and a failure would shame who taught them.
It's a system based on interdependence, respect, fear of shaming/betraying someone and fear of losing face. As every system, it can get twisted, almost "sick", but it's a great system overall. At least is better than being at each other throat for every little thing, as it happens in certain other countries...
kazeatari wrote:
Second, please do not confuse "amae" (which you can actually find in a lot of love relationships) with the senpai-kouhai relationship (which is like a big brother-little brother relationship... but in a highly hierarchical society).
While the two relationships are different, I don't think they're mutually exclusive and there's much overlap between the two. For example, gift-giving and praising in 先輩後輩 relationships often contain 甘え elements in the sense of indulging the person seeking favor from the other. The parallels between the two are striking and make we wonder if 先輩後輩 relationships are just a less intimate and more professional version of 甘え relationships.
kazeatari wrote:
First of all... there's no "my"
a --> ah
ma --> mum
e --> fair
ru --> rue
I think everyone here is aware of this. The approximate pronunciations in the article were intended for readers who don't know anything about Japanese. Do you think they should have provided that chart you have up there to convey the trivial notion of how to pronounce a word?
And I'm confused about what you're trying to correct with the rest of your comments. You seem to be trying to correct things that were never said.
Amaeru has a much broader meaning than "act like a spoiled child." I think curry favor would be a much closer translation.
Last edited by JimmySeal (2012 July 21, 11:39 pm)
Interesting thread. I went ahead and ordered that book. Thank you.
s0apgun, there are more books on this, I'm still going to do some reasearch, everything I find I'll post it here.
Thanks for all the answers.
"Westerners who are newcomers to Japan’s business world invariably encounter a cultural factor that appears to be irrational and results in frustration that can range from irritating, if it is explained, to maddening if it is not. This cultural principle — traditionally one of the primary foundations of business in Japan — is subsumed in the word amae (ah-my), which I define in my book, Japan’s Cultural Code Words, as “indulgent love.” But it incorporates much more than what this suggests.
Amae is the noun form of the verb amaeru (ah-my-rue), which is defined in Japanese terms as “to play the baby,” “to play the coquette,” “to fawn on a person,” “to coax one’s mother into doing some for you,” “to presume upon another’s love,” “to take advantage of someone or some situation.”
Very early in the history of the Japanese, the concept of amae became a primary principle in the culture and one of the foundations of all relationships. Its full meaning in a cultural sense refers to being able to take advantage of other people in a cooperative spirit with the unstated commitment that they can do the same to you when the need arises.
The principle of amae, which no doubt derived from Shinto, takes precedence over egoistic feelings and the natural human instinct of selfishness, and is designed to ensure that society will function smoothly and efficiently.
Of course, this is an idealized concept of the desired attitudes and behavior of human beings — and one that has been a key aspect of many religions and philosophies — but in Japan, where it meshed perfectly with the precepts of Buddhism and Confucianism, it actually became an integral part of the daily life of the Japanese.
Both the word amae and the concept it refers to are still very much a part of the cultural make-up of the Japanese, and still plays a primary role in virtually all relationships — particularly so in business and politics.
You might say amae is a much stronger and more important element than the Western concept of “I will scratch your back if you will scratch mine.” What it does in Japan is give the Japanese a great deal more leeway in how they handle their relationships with business partners and political allies as circumstances change.
They can, for example, stretch or “break” some of the provisions of an agreement or contract — with or without explaining their behavior in advance — when from their viewpoint it is important to do so, without unduly upsetting the other party because the other party has the “right” to do the same thing when it benefits them.
To the Western mind this type of behavior is likely to be taken as dishonest when it occurs without being explained, but it is part of the common culture of the Japanese that does not have to be explained.
Learning how to accept and use amae behavior is a valuable asset in dealing with the Japanese. It is also important to keep in mind that it is common for some less scrupulous people to go beyond the norm in using this cultural factor to gain some advantage, especially where naïve foreigners are concerned.
Where foreigners are concerned, it is wise to explain amae-type behavior to your Japanese counterparts before you engage in it because they will not be expecting it from you. Once explained they are not likely to dispute your rationale."
http://knowledgenetwork.thunderbird.edu … demente-2/
Last edited by CarolinaCG (2012 July 22, 2:54 am)
not sure I really understand the last few sentences there about how it relates to foreigners...
I also don't really understand that part. one should just go with the flow without the need to explain to the japanese we know the concept, that would just make them lose face.
btw, written in japanese though.
http://www.mindsun.net/kyokai/comikare/ … amae3.html
Last edited by CarolinaCG (2012 July 22, 3:22 am)
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