Does anyone know a guide/overview about the difference between the language men use and the language women use during daily conversations? A Japanese (female) friend of me says that my Japanese is pretty good (we talk in Japanese most of the time) but that the way I use the language is sometimes odd and funny. I'm a guy, but apparently I don't talk very ¨manly¨. This could be right, 'cause almost all Japanese people I know and talk to are women, including my teacher. So now I want to work a little bit on this Can anyone point me to a good resource on this? Thanks in advance!

In my opinion watching dramas is perfect to learn how to speak the way you want. i speak like a japanese girl/woman (depends), but if I want to I can speak like a man or like a teenage boy.

@CarolinaCG: I agree. I watched a lot of Detective Conan and I really like the way sleeping Kogoro speaks, so I started using a lot of his language in my entries on Lang8 and got corrected with comments like オヤジっぽく聞こえるんだ。 lol

Careful with dramas, though. Sometimes the way they speak is stylized speech that doesn't really match how people talk in real life -- it depends on the show.

I'm so jealous of guys because there seems to be a lot more creative Japanese that they can use. For example, I would absolutely love to be able to refer to myself as 僕　because it sounds really cute, but it would be a bad idea since it would sound weird and unnatural. あたし doesn't really work since I'm not young and stylish, and うち probably would sound strange coming from a non-native Japanese. So I'm stuck with 私.
There are some other things like　腹減った that I've been chided for using (too boyish).

Maybe seinen manga or manga aimed at older readers would have some good examples for you to work from. Shonen manga would definitely be a bad idea though.
A really good textbook like Tobira would also be able to help with this. Tobira actually has a chapter discussing speech styles, and their example conversations use fairly masculine speech.

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merlin.codex Wrote:You can use 僕 when referring to your companion.

ex: 「僕はそれでいいかもしれないけど、私はいやです」

Yeah, a girl that I see off and on does this to me, and it confused me the first time she did it. She also refers to herself by her first name which I find a bit strange (mostly because I usually associate that with girls like 10 years younger than her).

Tzadeck Wrote:Yeah, a girl that I see off and on does this to me, and it confused me the first time she did it. She also refers to herself by her first name which I find a bit strange (mostly because I usually associate that with girls like 10 years younger than her).

Don't care what age you are. Referring to yourself in the third person will always sound bizarre to my native English speaker ears.

merlin.codex Wrote:You can use 僕 when referring to your companion.

ex: 「僕はそれでいいかもしれないけど、私はいやです」

You have to be careful with this. It can come off as insulting if used with the wrong tone or towards the wrong kind of person.

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merlin.codex Wrote:Using the expression itself implies that you and your companion are in a close or a friendly relationship. The tone doesn't really matter.

It can also imply that the person you're talking to is boyish or childish, and should be used with caution toward more manly types (e.g. people who refer to themselves as 俺), even if you are friendly with them.

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quark Wrote:I'm so jealous of guys because there seems to be a lot more creative Japanese that they can use.

merlin Wrote:There are no written rules, which virtually allows anyone to use whatever he or she wants, so it's a question of experience.

Definitely this. The way language is used is definitely a lot more flexible than one is lead to believe from text books.

Quark, once your Japanese gets better you will be able to "feel" the difference between あたし, わたし, うち, etc (as opposed to reading a description from a text book). When you get to that point, you will probably be using different words to refer to yourself at different times when talking to different people. It'll just be natural at that point. Don't worry about it too much now.

@partner you live in Tokyo, Quark lives in Canada

merlin.codex Wrote:I was discussing 僕, not 俺, but whatever. I made my point.

You apparently missed my point. If a girl uses the word 僕 to refer to someone who calls himself 俺, there is a good chance that he will find it mildly insulting or condescending.

HonyakuJoshua Wrote:@partner you live in Tokyo, Quark lives in Canada

What? Why do you bring this up?

I just think its wrong to advise immersion when the person lives in Canada

HonyakuJoshua Wrote:I just think its wrong to advise immersion when the person lives in Canada

It depends on where in Canada the person lives though. I'm on the west coast and we get a lot of international students coming here. Finding Japanese people to talk to isn't very difficult. Hell, sometimes they find me - I've had conversations with random Japanese people I've met while out of the house.
There are even more international students in Vancouver - a person could easily set up an immersion environment if they wanted to.