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Interesting choice of verb in the topic title. Other options would have been: "missing", "wanting", "wishing", "looking for", "remembering", etc.

Since I used to be a perfectionist, and certainly haven't drained it out of my system completely yet, I strongly disagree with this topic title: I do not "lack" a nestOr!

Just as I do not lack a coffee right now, though I will most definitely have one.

pretty sure it was meant to be sarcastic...

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Probably, it still reads odd to me.

ファブリス Wrote:Probably, it still reads odd to me.

*oddly. It's an adverb From one perfectionist to another.

ファブリス Wrote:Probably, it still reads odd to me.

I think that's intentional, i.e. it's grammatically and stylistically incorrect on purpose. The style mimics that used in various memes (i has cheezburger), 4chan, reddit, etc.

and isn't it nest0r not nestOr? or are you being sarcastic?

lol, don't read too much into it

í'm learning french and yesterday i learned "il en manque un petit peu de ..." - it lacks a little / needs a bit more (of)..., so the phrase happened to be in my head, that's all...

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nadiatims Wrote:pretty sure it was meant to be sarcastic...

Let me restate that, since it may look like I'm targetting the OP specifically?

We are all perfectionists to some degree.

And I still find this "lacking" word funny.

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@Blahah: Really? "It still reads oddly to me"? Thanks.

@caivano: I wasn't being sarcastic. Ha, it didn't occur to me that my reply would be "perfectionism" itself by questioning the wording of the topic title. Pfff.

Alright then, I go back to my cave.

@Thora I would disagree that the fact that people know Chris is doing a PhD gives him credibility. I have been humbled by and learnt a lot from his posts. I guessed that lack came from manquer.

HonyakuJoshua Wrote:@Thora I would disagree that the fact that people know Chris

By "Chris" do you mean "nest0r"? It doesn't appear that nest0r's name actually is Chris.

Quote:PhD

yudan is the PhD candidate that Thora was referring to.

Quote:I guessed that lack came from manquer.

Congratulations. However, your powers of observation seem to have failed you elsewhere.

[Edited]
@fabrice - I assumed the perfectionism link here was directed at me based on my recent posts and your comments in the earlier thread today,[added quote for convenience.]

Quote:Or shall we continue to suppose that the admin ought to be perfectly balanced in his posts at all times, and assume that there is a right and correct way to solve this? [...]

Let's have the perfect, correct way of doing this. Because the mind assumes there is of course a perfect, correct way of doing things. Let's have it! (no need to argue here, I'm obviously teasing you).

[Note quite sure what to make of it, but I'll respond here.] Kind of ironic to judge someone for being judgmental. A bit like judging others for not being enlightened enough for you. (Enlightenment as just another identity?) ;-)

Luckily, almost everyone understands that "nobody's perfect", right? Whenever I've made a mistake, people have been willing to accept my apology or explanation. And when people offer their opinion about how I might have done something better, I don't really need to respond with "Well...nobody's perfect." It's understood. In fact, saying that might be taken as implying they're being perfectionists. i.e. Pointing the finger at others rather than focusing on my own actions.

One wonderful thing about our imperfect world with its imperfect information and imperfect people is that there are no expectations of perfect decisions. phew! The best we can do is be open and adjust as we go along. It also means we can attempt to minimize potential harm of specific actions without judging the actors.

Sometimes people act in annoying or aggressive ways when they feel insecure or vulnerable. Compassion is probably more effective than condemnation (but unfortunately the quick retort is often too tempting.) But not judging others also involves recognizing that we often don't have a clue what makes other people tick.

Speaking of setting good examples:

yudantaiteki withdrew from his debates with nest0r after stating his reasons why. He didn't feel the need to psychoanalyze nest0r, point out any personal failings or presume to know the reasons behind nest0r's behaviour. He didn't react to nest0r basically accusing him of linguistic crimes against humanity. lol Yet when a few people started badmouthing nest0r, ydtt was the first person to suggest this was inappropriate given that nest0r was no longer here to respond. No one accused ydtt of being a perfectionist or imposing his values. They just chose whether to heed or ignore his suggestion.

As I mentioned, I feel some responsibility for nest0r leaving. I figure I should at least try to speak up in their defense if it seems warranted. (I certainly owed nest0r this courtesy more than ydtt did.) Fortunately, it hasn't been necessary until today. Fabrice, there's no negative emotion behind it, I'm not trying to pick fights, and I try to focus on the substance, not the speaker.

You can try to psychoanalyze me, too, and paint me as the grudge-bearing perfectionist with identity issues if it helps you. :-) I don't get worked up about that kind of stuff. I'd ask you again to reconsider giving your negative appraisals of nest0r's psychological makeup, though. (Why speculate about and criticize someone else's motivations or what makes them feel good about themselves. Who cares?)

@Jimmy Seal by Chris I meant Yudantaiteki as that is, well, his name.

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Admin: Thora, what I do see, is that you keep bringing up old stuff. You're a troll, a very subtle one. It might be that you're just trolling the admin, and otherwise a decent participant. I'm guilty of throwing the ball back at you. No more. You're challenging the admin's decisions, which in itself is OK, but should be done THERE AND THEN when the issues happen and not months/years?! later. You're in my "collimator" now. Don't like it, take it to PM. I won't argue with you by email anyway, as it will be pointless. Want to leave? Be my guest! Just think of it, you could be the next martyr, next to nest0r and Bodhisamaya! Want to stay, then I advise you to stick to "productive" posts.

kitakitsune Wrote:It's a much better forum without him.

I found it hard to take him seriously after he claimed to have invented close deletion...

I wasn't aware that I'm always bringing up old stuff, but I will certainly be mindful about that in the future. I sincerely apologize for triggering such an emotional reaction, Fabrice. (I suppose I don't anticipate it b/c I'm not emotional about this stuff.)

Pleases let me clarify these (possibly helpful?) points:

- I was NOT questioning a past decision. I don't care about that. I did not add opinions on that.

- I did respond yesterday THERE AND THEN to your posts only b/c I think negative speculations are unnecessary and I thought your retelling of that past event wasn't completely fair. The past was only discussed to explain why I considered your present description unfair or misleading. It necessarily included why *Nest0r* disagreed with your decision and comments made then (by Tzadeck?) about appearance of impartiality.

- I'm disappointed that you consider me a troll. Note that I chose not to even respond to your confrontational stuff in the other thread, b/c I didn't see the point. (Your reaction also kinda confused me.) My post here was in response to your perfectionism digs. I don't think either of us are trolls...

-You were wrong to assume I was upset and held a grudge about your angry response to me back then. I wasn't upset. As I said, I assumed you were mimicking my OP to give me taste of my own medicine. :-) I only mentioned my involvement to make it clear to others that I was not an innocent bystander in the Fabrice vs. nest0r & Boddhisayama incident. Consider it disclosure (not in my favour.)

-They aren't martyrs. Try not to think of it that way.

No hard feelings?

P.S. Oh, I had read your deleted post and appreciate your willingness to reconsider certain comments. I do understand that you were being honest about the reasons you were annoyed at them in particular.

wow, nest0r can generate an acrimonious flamewar without even being on the forum any more...

@PM215 I wait Mr. Seal's reply, lol

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Thora Wrote:I wasn't aware that (...)

Yes, that's the problem right there. You're good. You're very good at this. You're so good unfortunately, that I can't argue with you. You'll rationalize anything and everything. From your position, I'm always wrong. You're always innocent. You're being totally cool and chill about this, and of course I'm the one who has "such an emotional reaction", and you are "not emotional about this stuff".

You DID bring up old stuff, Jesus.

And you just won't shut up. Take my words as if they were the gospel and twist them into drama. Fabricate problems out of thin air. Jesus, do you have a sense of humour? Do you take everything literally like that? Just read yourself:

Thora Wrote:(...) But "self-immolation" conveys a sense of irrational, obsessive, extreme self-harm which strikes me as rather unfortunate and unfair editorializing.

Wtf? What magazine do I write for? Did you get burned when you read my post? You should print this out and get it painted in oil by some poor Chinese who works at night to make extra bucks, and then hang it at the Tate gallery. Move out René Magritte, here comes the new "Ceci n'est pas une pipe"!

And now, you take issue with my use of "martyr". I mean... what to say?

It's like you choose your words carefully just to annoy the hell out of me, and to make things far more dramatic than they are. And you're very good. I fell into your trap again and again, and now I'm sick and tired of your passive aggressive B.S.

And for the record, I had deleted my answer earlier only to try and stop arguing with you, but then I figured you would almost certainly repeat this in the coming weeks or months, so I gave a warning instead.

All that I admitted to, was that it was probably better not to comment on nest0r or Bodhi's motivations in their absence. But since they're permanently gone, I didn't think this was very rude. I was just trying to be honest with my motivations. And then of course you quote it and spin this thing again and again and you're having a lot of fun at my expense.

You're banned till April 11, for continuing to argue with the admin, without any *sincere* attempt at putting things to rest. After that I'd recommend you stay away from arguing with my handling of the forum.

dayum

HonyakuJoshua Wrote:@Jimmy Seal by Chris I meant Yudantaiteki as that is, well, his name.

Ok, my bad, but in that case the tone of your post seems all wacky:

Quote:@Thora I would disagree that the fact that people know Chris is doing a PhD gives him credibility. I have been humbled by and learnt a lot from his posts.

Having a PhD doesn't give him credibility, but you have learned a lot from his posts? Ok. Consider me mistaken.

This person isn't really learning Japanese, is he? It certainly doesn't look like it.

@Jimmy one very valuable thing i learnt from Ydtt is that ta doesn't just mean past and that wasn't explained to me by people who do have PhDs - they simply just told me "past" and "non-past" without explaining that ta meant the perfective aspect and didn't always mean past (in all fairness I must add these gentlemen were working in a VERY silly system).

"Having a PhD doesn't give him credibility, but you have learned a lot from his posts?"

You've hit the nail on the head - a great many silly people have Phds so the title doesn't have credibility to me and others and I have learnt a lot from YDTT who obviously is one of the real experts on here.

Why is what I wrote so ridiculous?

Hi Fabrice's ego, have you seen Fabrice lately?

I thought I had seen him in a post some days ago by Raschaverak, but it seems he's got lost again.

If you see him, send him my best wishes.

Yikes. Someone needs their Paranoia pills.