According to this (I could only find stats for women but you can probably just add 1-2 years and you would have the numbers for men)

http://statinfo.biz/Data.aspx?act=2029&lang=2

The average age of marriage in Canada is 28, Japan 27.8, US 26.3, and in the UK is 28.9. Of course, you will have a lot of people getting married in the +/- 5 year range around these ages and will have a lot of people getting married after 30. And again, I don't have any graphs or anything but I think marriage is one of those things that would spike really high around the average and then drastically drop off on both sides so by 35-40 (as the article was discussing) the percentage of people getting married would dramatically decrease.

I think we can see from the stats that Japan really isn't any different. I think that article is one of those classic examples of someone who's not part of the culture looking at a few rare examples or recent "trends" and concluding that that is what the entire nation is like.

Javizy Wrote:I feel the same awkwardness telling people where I met my girlfriend too. Whenever you mention the word 'online' the average person thinks of some sort of dating site for desperate losers.

Is this true? Online dating seems to have lost its stigma a long time ago (at least in the UK); it's heavily advertised on TV, most newspapers (including serious ones like the Guardian) have dating services, and Plentyoffish was even featured in a recent Lady Gaga video (the site suddenly had a HUGE explosion in girls joining!).

Statistics back it up - there are 9 million people using online dating in the UK, which has a population of 14 million single adults - that's a pretty high percentage!

Anyway I happily tell anyone I know I met my finance via online dating; where's the shame? Naturally I also point out that the idea of going out to a bar or club, and talking to total strangers purely based on their looks in the hope that they're single and will date you is surely more loser-ish than meeting people online?

thistime Wrote:According to this (I could only find stats for women but you can probably just add 1-2 years and you would have the numbers for men)

http://statinfo.biz/Data.aspx?act=2029&lang=2

The average age of marriage in Canada is 28, Japan 27.8, US 26.3, and in the UK is 28.9. Of course, you will have a lot of people getting married in the +/- 5 year range around these ages and will have a lot of people getting married after 30. And again, I don't have any graphs or anything but I think marriage is one of those things that would spike really high around the average and then drastically drop off on both sides so by 35-40 (as the article was discussing) the percentage of people getting married would dramatically decrease.

I think we can see from the stats that Japan really isn't any different. I think that article is one of those classic examples of someone who's not part of the culture looking at a few rare examples or recent "trends" and concluding that that is what the entire nation is like.

The stats can be misleading.

What they don't tell you is the average age of the males and females that marry in each country.

I would expect the man and woman to be roughly the same age in the US, but in Japan the male would be much older than the female. But if you take an average, they'd roughly come out to the same age range.

At least, that's my hunch.

chamcham Wrote:The stats can be misleading.

What they don't tell you is the average age of the males and females that marry in each country.

I would expect the man and woman to be roughly the same age in the US, but in Japan the male would be much older than the female. But if you take an average, they'd roughly come out to the same age range.

At least, that's my hunch.

The link only shows women. I couldn't find info for men but now I have.

http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_ag...rriage-men

It is 30 in Japan, 29.8 in the UK, 29 in Canada and 26 in the US.

Obviously these two sources are not looking at the exact same data because the average age of marriage for women is almost always lower than men but still the average age is usually only about 1-2 years different for men and women in all 1st world countries as far as I'm aware.

But I do agree that you shouldn't look at statistics as indisputable fact. But, I also think that statistics show a much more accurate picture than a few anecdotal examples.

From a book I just bought in Okinawa "Understanding Japanese Communication" by Ayako Sato (1992):


The Type of Men that Women Like

When men gather together in drinking places, they often say things like, "You'll get on well with that one by looking a bit helpless and bringing out her motherly instinct."
But they are barking up the wrong tree. They are completely missing the fact that the myths of masculinity and feminity are falling apart in Japan today. In the past Japanese men were brought up to be strong; however difficult a situation may be, men never cry in front of others, they are taught. So the adult man must be macho - strong, brave, and reliabe. This belief continues this day. But some men now shed tears in front of others without thinking of their appearance. Some men suffer from a mother complex, failing to become adults and forever holding on to their mother's apron settings, having been overprotected in their childhood.
...
I carried out a surver of female postgraduate students at Tokyo University, asking them what was the most important quality they desired of a future husban. The replies: "a kind person". A few years ago, the answers would have been reversed.

...
Another chapter is called "Why Japanese Men Hate Intelligent Woman".

...

The Type of Men that Women Dislike

No doubt most Japanese women have experienced a situation in which the behavior of their countrymen has vexed them. There are three typical situations: Some Japanese men change their manner of speaking when addressing women of a lower status, they display different values when it comes to using money, and they display different apperciation of relations with other men who have gotten into an unsuccessful situation.

[Too much to type sorry!!]
The second case involves the sense of value of money. In this case, the man who generously pays Y 3000 for a bottle of beer in a bar is relucatant to hand over just Y100 when asked to make a contribution toward a fund for traffic orphans... From a woman's point of view, such men cannot be trusted.
...
Japanese women also hate opportunists. And uninteresting men.
...

Man's traditional Image Destroyed

Japanese women are often overwhelmed when they travel overseas and are treated with exceptional politeness by Western men.
...
So Japanese women are delighted when they go abroad and come into contact with Western men who have been brought up on the ladies-first principle. When A Western gentlemn helps her carry her luggage, opens the door for her, and pulls back the chair for her in a restaurant, the Japanese woman has a tendency of falling into the illusion that he must be in love with her. This can be the cause of much misunderstanding and trouble.

...
Some Japanese men have no imagination at all. They see women only as prostitutes or mothers.
---------

A couple of years ago I read another interesting book by Yukio Mishima. It was related to japanese men and how they lost their masculinity from the samurai period.

SO, OP, next time you must talk like a samurai and don't become the cute host boy type ^_^

---
PS: I laughed hard when I saw this:


"It is so refreshing to meet a grown man who truly appreciates our children's cartoons."


"It was adorable. He put cat ears on, brandished some chopsticks and started crying."


6 Reasons Your Plans to Move Abroad Might Not Work Out

Random thoughts:
I saw many koreans and they so confident, no matter the looks.
OP, did you had proper distance when approach the girls? The personal space in Japan is consider 50%+ bigger than in US. Also they don't like to be touched by strangers :p

I love the expression "brandished some chopsticks".

Gaijinme Wrote:Japanese women are often overwhelmed when they travel overseas and are treated with exceptional politeness by Western men.
...
So Japanese women are delighted when they go abroad and come into contact with Western men who have been brought up on the ladies-first principle. When A Western gentlemn helps her carry her luggage, opens the door for her, and pulls back the chair for her in a restaurant, the Japanese woman has a tendency of falling into the illusion that he must be in love with her. This can be the cause of much misunderstanding and trouble.

For some reason I'm reminded of a character from the visual novel うみねこのなく頃に. He is from a heavily Westernized Japanese billionaire family and in his backstory it is revealed that his parents brought him up on the ladies-first principle and Western chivalry. All that it gave him (before some major character development) is a bad case of the 'Nice Guy' syndrome. "I am polite, courteous, delicate, caring and cultured (not to mention handsome and filthy rich). I'm so much better than my boorish and vulgar peers. All the girls should be swooning over me and falling into my lap. Why the hell aren't they?!" I wonder how many wannabe-Charisma Men end up falling into that same trap..

Doing too much ladies-first treatment makes you look like you're trying too hard and thus desperate.

I always open doors and carry bags, but holding out the chair is a bit much (as is showering with gifts).

qwertyytrewq Wrote:"Nice guys finish last"

This saying is a mixed-bag in that generally this saying applies only when a guy is trying to pick up girls (ナンパ) for one night stands and the like.

Quote:The only problem with chivalry is the occasional feminist who thinks you're being condescending. "I can open doors by myself, thank you very much! (sarcasm)"

Thank god those don't exist in Japan (only half joking). One thing I've heard some some foreign guys comment about Asian/Japanese women is that because the society still has the whiff of a patriarchal society, and most women accept it grudgingly. There are not that many brash feminists infecting the society compared to the states; so men can be kind/polite to women without the constant overtone of feminism cropping up. I won't lie, I personally think its a good thing. Japan needs gender equality, not feminists.

qwertyytrewq Wrote:Just to add to the thread: Fellow forum member loses his virginity in Japan: http://forum.koohii.com/showthread.php?tid=8262

How come he can do it but OP can't?

Just to clarify I did get laid, but it was a so-so experience because she was twice my age(literally). But even then I only got laid once the whole 6 weeks I was there. which kind of sucks.

Jarvik7 Wrote:This thread is a giant facepalm...

co-sign.

I am more and more convinced that both women and men for the most part do not actually care about how well or nicely they are treated by the other gender when choosing a partner. They simply aim for the best among the available candidates based on some criterion they have developed while growing up, but eventually settle for what they can get and realize hey it's ok because theres more to life than one's relationship. What I mean is women aim for the alpha man and men aim for the alpha women (talking purely about straight people). When people are young they are satisfied with a high ranking partner even if it means they end up getting treated like crap in the process. That's why you get girls getting used by arse-holes, and nice guys getting walked all over by bitches. The nice guy/girl syndrome is caused by an over investment/reliance on a characteristic that is way down on the list of priorities for most people even if they argue otherwise.

qwertyytrewq Wrote:Just to add to the thread: Fellow forum member loses his virginity in Japan: http://forum.koohii.com/showthread.php?tid=8262

How come he can do it but OP can't?

He didn't make a thread beforehand, asking for advise on how to pop his cherry!

Zon70 Wrote:Just to clarify I did get laid, but it was a so-so experience because she was twice my age(literally). But even then I only got laid once the whole 6 weeks I was there. which kind of sucks.

It only sucks if you have expectations or hopes beforehand. If you go into it without the mindset of getting women and getting laid, then you can be satisfied with whatever comes your way -- even if it's nothing.

aphasiac Wrote:

qwertyytrewq Wrote:Just to add to the thread: Fellow forum member loses his virginity in Japan: http://forum.koohii.com/showthread.php?tid=8262

How come he can do it but OP can't?

He didn't make a thread beforehand, asking for advise on how to pop his cherry!

This just illustrates your intentions even more so. I think one thing you've gotta do is focus much less on women, and more about yourself. Doing so will, in turn, make you appear less desperate, and more attractive to anyone.

[Zgarbas]

vix86 Wrote:Japan needs gender equality, not feminists.

*groan*. Feminism IS about gender equality.

Quote:The only problem with chivalry is the occasional feminist who thinks you're being condescending. "I can open doors by myself, thank you very much! (sarcasm)"

The last time I opened a door for a girl in Japan she didn't seem to understand what I was doing...

dizmox Wrote:

Quote:The only problem with chivalry is the occasional feminist who thinks you're being condescending. "I can open doors by myself, thank you very much! (sarcasm)"

The last time I opened a door for a girl in Japan she didn't seem to understand what I was doing...

I feel like opening doors for people (not just girls) in Japan is awkward, as if it's something that never happens and that person doesn't know what to do.

But dammit, I can't help it!

qwertyytrewq Wrote:

Zgarbas Wrote:

vix86 Wrote:Japan needs gender equality, not feminists.

*groan*. Feminism IS about gender equality.

Well, feminism is. Feminazism isn't. Feminazism (asking for more rights over and above what's considered equal just for being a female) is unfortunately hurting feminism's cause.

I think the femnazi's are few and far in-between though. I visit a lot of feminist sites, and they're of the equal rights variety, not the man hating variety. It's kind of like saying that all Christians are of the Westboro Baptist Church variety, when that's really not the case at all.

Oh, and I hold doors open for everyone. Maybe it's a Canadian thing.

quark Wrote:I think the femnazi's are few and far in-between though. I visit a lot of feminist sites, and they're of the equal rights variety, not the man hating variety. It's kind of like saying that all Christians are of the Westboro Baptist Church variety, when that's really not the case at all.

I don't know, I always felt like there were quite a few 'femninazis' in the US.

I will refrain from posting to threads that are about anything other than the Japanese language.
I will refrain from posting to threads that are about anything other than the Japanese language.
I will refrain from posting to threads that are about anything other than the Japanese language.

... ... ...

[Zgarbas]

qwertyytrewq Wrote:

Zgarbas Wrote:

vix86 Wrote:Japan needs gender equality, not feminists.

*groan*. Feminism IS about gender equality.

Well, feminism is. Feminazism isn't. Feminazism (asking for more rights over and above what's considered equal just for being a female) is unfortunately hurting feminism's cause.

Yes, feminazis are horrible. But they are not the majority and I really wish people would learn to tell the difference already. Feminism is and always has been about equality and this whole anti-feminazi thing is hurting the said equality more than anything. The worst part is how the femnism=feminazi thing is an intentional thing. Bra-burning never happened, but people act as if it did because of course the silly women who want equality are crazy dykes and they would do stuff like that *sigh*.

I'm sorry.
I just...get carried away sometimes.

Anyway. I think OP is trolling. Or, for my faith in humanity's sake, I hope he is.

When was the last time you met a feminazi (radical feminist would be proper term)?

The only example I can think of is feminists trying to outlaw pornography.

[Zgarbas]

I've never met a feminazi. Sort of. There was this chick who was borderline feminazi, but she was borderline everything-nazi(the kind who would look for any excuse to criticise or debate stuff. I once joked that my cat would make a great world leader and she started a serious argument about how he wouldn't be...).

However, I have met lots of women who were against "feminism" because they liked wearing bras. And guys who were against "feminism" because they thought being a feminist means hating men.

vix86 Wrote:

quark Wrote:I think the femnazi's are few and far in-between though. I visit a lot of feminist sites, and they're of the equal rights variety, not the man hating variety. It's kind of like saying that all Christians are of the Westboro Baptist Church variety, when that's really not the case at all.

I don't know, I always felt like there were quite a few 'femninazis' in the US.

I think it's simple a case of a very vocal minority making the rest of us seem bad. It seems with any group that it's always the crazies who are the loudest, and get themselves noticed more. I honestly don't even consider femnazis to be real feminists - the fact that they discriminate against men means that they're not for actual equal rights.
Speaking as a feminist, we can be really nice, I promise! We just don't like being treated as if we are somehow fundamentally different, or inferior to men.

..but women are different from men physically, emotionally, sexually and experientially.

Different does not directly lead to inferior. The denial of women and men being different is a major thing that makes men "fear" feminism (it's not all just reactions to feminazism/man-hate), because many men actually like their gf/wife to be feminine just as much as many women like masculine men.