Sorry about the ambiguous title. What I mean are the cultural differences that dictate what should and shouldn't be said to come off as polite. I figured in Japanese understanding this would be more precious than ever, even though I am certain as long as I make it known that I'm a gaijin they will let me get away with it. Still, I'd rather not embarrass myself this way.

I'm not sure if this would be considered 'grammar'? Anyway, I figured I'd ask for some general advice to prepare myself better. I still remember the first Japanese I met in an MMORPG when I was 13 who ended up hating me in the end Granted, I didn't act any different from anyone else, but I can see why that wasn't a good thing in the end.

Using polite forms, not using anata, being less direct if possible, those are pretty obvious. Are there any other general guidelines that I am unaware of?

There are too many to list, but here are a few:

Never contradict people/tell them that they are wrong (even if they are) and never reject an idea/request straight out. You are expected to help others retain face.

Don't brag even if you are really skilled at something. Humility is a virtue.

Use あいづち (はい、はい、うん、うん) if it's a spoken conversation, otherwise people will assume you aren't listening or that you don't understand.

Never get emotional in public. It is seen as extremely childish to be visibly angry for example.

Don't use polite forms at random, whether you use teineigo/keigo/plain depends on your relationship. Using something too polite for the circumstances is actually rude.

Imitate the body language of those around you.

Jarvik7 Wrote:Never contradict people/tell them that they are wrong (even if they are) and never reject an idea/request straight out. You are expected to help others retain face.

You mean in public or even privately? I'm in one of those occupations where not telling someone they are wrong can be a breach of ethics. Do you mean just do it softly, in private? What if they are more senior? Honest question, i haven't figured out a good way to approach this (sorry for the slight thread hijack).

Thanks for these. By don't get emotional do you mean don't show emotion? How about looking upbeat/happy/smiling/laughing?

Quote:You mean in public or even privately? I'm in one of those occupations where not telling someone they are wrong can be a breach of ethics.

This is interesting as well. I guess this is partly what keeps some Japanese companies from being able to meet and beat their Western competition. Sometimes being direct can be very beneficial.

Betelgeuzah Wrote:(...)
This is interesting as well. I guess this is partly what keeps some Japanese companies from being able to meet and beat their Western competition. Sometimes being direct can be very beneficial.

Avoiding to say in no uncertain terms what is wrong can also lead to disastrous outcomes, viz. the Olympus affair.

What if you 'lose face'...that's it then? You become society's outcast? Is it universal or can it be 'restricted' to be known only by a certain group of people (lol)? Are you expected to try to keep it a secret so that more people don't know about it?

Do you stop talking to them? Stop having anything to do with them? Try to help?

Jarvik7 Wrote:Don't brag even if you are really skilled at something. Humility is a virtue.

This is one I see a lot of foreigners do on TV. If your complimented, I believe it's more polite to deny the compliment.

zigmonty Wrote:

Jarvik7 Wrote:Never contradict people/tell them that they are wrong (even if they are) and never reject an idea/request straight out. You are expected to help others retain face.

You mean in public or even privately? I'm in one of those occupations where not telling someone they are wrong can be a breach of ethics. Do you mean just do it softly, in private? What if they are more senior? Honest question, i haven't figured out a good way to approach this (sorry for the slight thread hijack).

Both. You are supposed to give them the tools so that they themselves realize that they are wrong such as by accepting their view but then offering your interpretation backed with evidence.

Being humble about yourself is important. This humility should also extend to other people who are perceived as being in your 'group'. For example I think in most western countries it's seen as very normal to be proud of your kids, and is actually seen as a sign of a loving parent to say how beautiful and smart you think they are. However, when you speak like this to a Japanese person it can sound a bit weird or even arrogant.

Sometimes it's possible to show that you disagree with something a bit more indirectly. For example, rather than saying directly that the other persons idea is a bad one, commend the good points of their idea before then giving your own better idea. Quite often just silence or very muted agreement can be seen as a sign of disagreement. I guess there are plenty of times when this can be a disadvantage within a company, but there are certainly advantages to it too in terms of preserving workplace harmony.

[Zgarbas]

Don't forget to always sound interested. Every time they stop to breathe, say "OOOOH".

I love it when I talk to a Japanese person in English and they keep using あいづち. It makes me feel like the most interesting man in the world <3.