Anyone has the answer? My acquaintances on the community sites seem to have everything under control, and it's getting utterly ridiculous, really. They have jobs, family / girlfriend / boyfriend, do some other activities and / or study something on the side. Hm. I'm having trouble learning only 2000 words in French in a month full time now... Somehow I feel I've lost the control of my life, I just can't make enough room for all these things. So....how do you do it? Motivation? A plan? Schedule? Social support (family / friends)? Higher than average IQ and or EQ? I have neither of those, so maybe that's the problem... I don't know, I just feel menatlly (or even physically) slow...and demotivated / ignorant / lost / clueless. It feels like that, nothing I do will ever be enough... but why?

I wouldn't say I have any answers as I'm not all that great at handling my own life.... however, 2000 words is a month is a lot of vocabulary. If you're studying other parts French as well and presumably doing some maintenance practice on Japanese and English, it's no wonder you don't have time to get anything else done.

I suspect you have the same habit that I do, of using language study as a form of productive procrastination. It's great that you're learning something while you're procrastinating... but it doesn't change that it is procrastination! Cut your acquisition rate in half and you can get other things done, or at least get closer to the real problem of why you're not getting them done.

I'd be happy to learn a couple hundred vocab words a month at this point...I work 30 ish hours a week, have 5 hours or so a week of paperwork on top of that, have another 10-12 hours a week of internship, and am a full-time student on top of that. Studying Japanese is something I get to do in my limited free time.

I still haven't figured out how to adequately balance my time. :/

Raschaverak Wrote:My acquaintances on the community sites seem to have everything under control, and it's getting utterly ridiculous, really.

The key word here is seem. No one has everything under control in their lives. No one. But we all have a certain 'social' front that we put out there and tend to try to put our best foot forward and only show the good things that are happening in our lives and not talk about the bad for fear of judgement. I hope you will be able to stop comparing yourself to others because no matter how they may seem to you, that is not how their lives really are.

Making Progress:







http://liveyourlegend.net/self-guided-ed...-anything/





For getting things done, try David Allen's "Getting Things Done":

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/...-work.html

That pic is so demotivational if you happen to be a theory-oriented introvert. Too bad I think it's also true.

Balance = success as far as I see it. I think women can handle that kind of life better than men.

Raschaverak Wrote:They have jobs, family / girlfriend / boyfriend, do some other activities and / or study something on the side. Hm. I'm having trouble learning only 2000 words in French in a month full time now... Somehow I feel I've lost the control of my life, I just can't make enough room for all these things. So....how do you do it? Motivation? A plan? Schedule? Social support (family / friends)? Higher than average IQ and or EQ? I have neither of those, so maybe that's the problem... I don't know, I just feel menatlly (or even physically) slow...and demotivated / ignorant / lost / clueless. It feels like that, nothing I do will ever be enough... but why?

The most important thing is stimulation aka. motivation.
It is the force that drives you forward.

It is like god, mother nature, or whatever you may wanna call that force, but the fact is that in universe there has to be some kind of a force that drives everything forward, right?

There has to be one in you too.

If there is not force that drives things forward, there is nothing that goes forward, right?

The more you stay at the same place/point in life, the more unhappy you will become. Look, if you'd stay at the same point for a long time...

1)You'd age and get old
2) You would develop a back pain and a disability to move
3) Your teeth would become bad
4) Your body would become dirty
5) You would have real problems with going to the toilet if you don't go there and stay at the same place.
6) Your memory will go away because your brain no longer makes as much new connections and the older ones age
7)Your bones become bad
8) If you stay in your room, you will get no sunlight and will develop vitamin and skin problems because of that.

So,
There is no actual good in staying at the same point/place for a long time in life. Only bad things start happening.

Good is the exact opposite.
To be happy, I mean, to stay happy, you will need to move forward as much as you can until the day you die. You will have to try to change yourself for the better as much as you can. You will have to be willing to kinda forget the past and move forward to the things in the future and rethink, reanalyze and reconsider your past, make conclusions based on that and definitely make the needed changes.

Look at nature too, it changes every freaking moment, very greatly. Nature is a system which works with changes and improvements, and makes changes based on previous levels of novelty.

You are part of nature, or should I say the universe, so you have to obey to same kinds of rules. Otherwise, you just might not become happy. Your body has also already been created by nature, and if you won't learn to manipulate, use it real well, you won't feel as satisfied as you otherwise would.

Learn yourself and start making the needed changes now.

Where do I start from?

Try to see which choices will make you the happiest.
There are 2 kinds of choices you can make:
1) Those that make you happier 2) Those that make you unhappier.

If you don't choose anything, you will just gradually become less and less happy.

Try to understand/foresee what kind of choices will bring you more happiness and satisfaction.

And every day try to make the easiest, most pleasant, most fun and profitable choices that you can make. Every every day!

Don't listen to other people, listen to your intuition.

It may be hard at first but it serves extremely well if you can trust your intuition and understand your intuition. Try to start listening to your intuition and change yourself, or your environment, or anything according to your feeling, sensation, intuition, or whatever you may call it.

Other people can only serve themselves, they are not you and neither can they see inside your brain. But your intuition can serve you, serve you well. And your own stimulation, motivation, energy, force can also serve you.

After all, it's all about being conscious about things as much as possible and making the wisest choices that you can make, based on that consciousness/ knowledge that you have about everything.

This is why no external source can actually teach you.
There is no such external source that will do it for you.
Your brain gets input and changes (read: teaches) itself based on that input.
External sources can only inspire you, but not do things for you.

You will have to learn things by yourself, do things yourself and change yourself by yourself. Otherwise you will not actually learn practical knowledge.

Other people, or external sources can only guide you to say the utmost. You have the potential to actually teach yourself.

So think, make your own conclusions, get inspired and choose who you get inspired by and then make some output.

Output is a way for your brain to learn itself.
Every brain/ human is different and gets different input so what your own brain learns and what your own brain thinks is the best stuff that's out there

Do what you love the most and get the motivation to do things.

Having social support helps. I consider myself super-lucky for having had good parents. We were lower middle class, I guess, but they raised me happily and helped me whenever I needed it.

I've met a lot of really really great people who had crappy families (violence, drugs, etc.), and getting far in life was hard for them. The unfortunate truth is that what family you're born into is luck, and if you get bad luck you'll have to work much harder to lead a fulfilling life.

I have three good friends who had really awful families but nevertheless are leading great lives. So it's definitely possible.

[ファブリス]

Annoying Leprechaun told me to post this here:

Raschaverak Wrote:My acquaintances on the community sites seem to have everything under control, and it's getting utterly ridiculous, really. They have jobs, family / girlfriend / boyfriend, do some other activities and / or study something on the side. (...)... I don't know, I just feel menatlly (or even physically) slow...and demotivated / ignorant / lost / clueless. It feels like that, nothing I do will ever be enough... but why?

Is there is a map for life that you have to adhere to?

Comparing yourself to others is a great way to be unhappy. You totally nailed it, if that's what you were going for!

Having things under control is a lie. Nobody ever has anything under control. Life will toss you around as it sees fit. I often pondered about this, looking at healthy people who seem to have everything. What if I am a vegetarian, an athlete, or if I was rich? Would I be more likely to live long and "make the most of life" ? They still get cancer. They still get into accidents. Or their children do, which may even be worse to go through.

What does it mean to make progress in life? How many kids? How many cars? Is one house enough or do you need one in a warm country for vacations? Eating out and going for a movie once a week? Should the neighbours like you?

Could go on for hours like this but you get my point. Well there's different ways to see it but for me eventually this points back at the "relevance" of the question itself. Why do we believe all these thoughts? They come and go. And life still is here. The thought appears "I need to make progress in my life". All the while for this to even happen, the lungs breathe, the brain fires neurons or whatever, cells reproduce, heart beats.. and they don't give a F*#$ whether you think you make progress in life or not. In fact it goes even deeper than this. The brain doesn't give a F*** either. The brain does its thing. Which is to produce thoughts, handle concepts, make maps of the world that we live in...

So for me the answer to the question is. Is my "map of the world" even correct in the first place? Is this question legitimate? Could it be based on a faulty map of reality?

thistime Wrote:I hope you will be able to stop comparing yourself to others because no matter how they may seem to you, that is not how their lives really are.

+1

jettyke Wrote:Making Progress: (...)

"The 27 Principles to Teach Yourself Anything". This guy must be joking? How the hell can you even follow so many bullet points in a day?

When I see a post with bullets like that I just close the tab. Seriously.

I mean, honestly, even putting the subject aside, I am so sick and tired of these rehashed, template posts. You know bloggers have all these tricks. And the most boring bloggers are the ones you can tell their tricks right away. For example, all the noob blogs have the famous "10 things..." posts. Like "10 things you don't want your husband to know" "10 things you should buy for Christmas" and so on. Supposed to generate comments and views, apparently. I see a blog post like that and I think to myself "author doesn't have anything genuine to say".

Want to make progress in life? Throw out all these bullet lists. Think about it. Every bullet is one more bullet farther from "making it". How many bullet points can you address in one life?

I'm such a genius

ファブリス Wrote:

jettyke Wrote:Making Progress: (...)

"The 27 Principles to Teach Yourself Anything". This guy must be joking? How the hell can you even follow so many bullet points in a day?

When I see a post with bullets like that I just close the tab. Seriously.

I mean, honestly, even putting the subject aside, I am so sick and tired of these rehashed, template posts. You know bloggers have all these tricks. And the most boring bloggers are the ones you can tell their tricks right away. For example, all the noob blogs have the famous "10 things..." posts. Like "10 things you don't want your husband to know" "10 things you should buy for Christmas" and so on. Supposed to generate comments and views, apparently. I see a blog post like that and I think to myself "author doesn't have anything genuine to say".

Want to make progress in life? Throw out all these bullet lists. Think about it. Every bullet is one more bullet farther from "making it". How many bullet points can you address in one life?

I'm such a genius

you certainly have an interesting opinion haha

I don't have the answers for all your problems but sharing my story should help, I guess. First off, I have 2 jobs and will be going back to school next week(new up-coming semester). I'll be taking 3 courses only, so I don't drive myself insane. Plus I'm learning Japanese, have to keep getting better grades,have a social life,help out at home and so forth. So how do I balance all this? I probably don't, yes I know that sounds really unorganized but hear me out. For Japanese I like to get my reps out of the way so I don't worry about them during the day. Adding new cards isn't hard, since I have where I want to add from (native-material from games,mangas,news,etc). Second, I usual will have to go to work later in the day for a closing shift and will have school the next morning.

So what do I really do? Pretty much nothing, I just do what I can in between. For example, on the bus I read jpn books,listen to jp stuff, my phone is in jp, my computer is in jp and so forth. When I'm at school I divide my time between school work and take breaks in Japanese (i.e. immersion,reading,listening). I plan to do a lot of speaking practice this year as I've lagged beyond on those, even though I probably won't have too much time on my hands. I basically do what I can.

So just do what you can, try to have fun, try to stay motivated. Different things motivate different people. Some are motivated by Japanese, the media, girls,etc. Find what motivates you to continue on with the things happening in your life.

I would add more but I'm tired and will head to bed now. It's 2:11am over here, so goodnight everyone.

i'm going to reply in bulletpoints

1. stop beating up on yourself. the more you believe in yourself the more you can do. most people aren't as good at getting stuff done as they might seem to be. and, 2000 words in a month seems like a great amount.

2. experiment, and find the way that works best for you. prioritise the things that are most important to you.
for instance, i suck at living more than anyone i know. i don't really like trying to do more than one thing at once. So, i try to make good habits to take care of the things i don't like spending much energy & thought on (e.g. getting out of bed in the morning, excersise, cutting down caffeine, etc.). And the rest of the stuff, set 2 week challenges for (e.g. reading, writing, watching documentaries, catching up on analysis of current events, seeing art, etcetcetc.) since i find that going all out at 1 thing gets more done for me than trying to do a bunch of things all at once.

For instance, i have the next few months ready planned:
1st 2 weeks of January: going to London, gonna spend time with friends & have fun.
(and do reading for 多読 when i have spare time. i'm not going for the whole 2 weeks, that's just my no.1 priority these 2 weeks.)
2nd 2 weeks of January: Reading Japanese!!
Also, i'm working my way through every Adam Curtis documentary ever made once i get tired.
1st 2 weeks of Feb: Find a part time job, working 2 days a week or so. Read the books in English i got for Christmas in my spare time.
2nd 2 weeks of Feb: Write as much of a book as possible.
1st 2 weeks of March: Have a break & watch a bunch of tv in japanese.
2nd 2 weeks of March: Writing again.
etc.

3. Give yourself a break of a week or two whenever you feel like it. Well, it stops me getting overwhelmed by all the stuff in the world anyway. Usually my break consists of watching silly dramas in Japanese and doing not a lot else.

I found GTD to be very motivational... but hard for me to do, because I'm naturally one of those people with a messy desk and a messy desktop on the computer. And I'm not one of those people who will get all dewy-eyed about it... it just works, in that I don't have a brain full of garbage that I have to remember.

I'm not going to follow it to the nth degree, because I'm just not. I'm a human being, warts and all. But I do try to follow the ideas in it, to the degree that I can. I make lots of lists, I believe in actionable steps, I believe in dumping the garbage out of my brain and on to paper. If I write something down, I feel a whole lot better about it, because I know it will get done. (Eventually...)

But I don't have all of those filing systems and such. (If you consider a pile of index cards a filing system, then I guess I do?) I don't go all crazy about it.

And I don't kick myself in the head for not reaching its ideals. Life's too short. WAY too short.

I *do* think the book is a good read, and will make you feel like, "Hey, that's a really good idea. I can really get some stuff done more efficiently if I do something like that." Some people go overboard with it, because that's their nature.

But yeah, in general, what everyone else said. That green grass you see over in the neighbor's yard is probably just sod they just bought to cover up the lawn that died last week... and it probably cost them enough to put them in Mac & Cheese for the next few months. >_>a

Or as Seneca put it: life is long enough if you know how to use it.

Why do people in college assume that one has to have a social life...I get plenty of social interaction from work and classes.

What I ended up doing is just minimize what Japanese I do. I mean, my progress is much, much slower (less than 100 vocab words a week), as I do either 20 vocab words or a section of grammar a day and I alternate days so there's rarely too much to handle, but it's manageable around my schedule. I think. It worked out pretty well around finals last semester.

Basically if studying Japanese is that important, you'll find a way to incorporate it into your daily life, even if it is only a half hour. You make far slower progress but you make progress.

Bit off topick, but somehow part of it, I need a dating advice (although I probably know the answer): so I've dated this girl, at the end of December, then she said in an email that she thinks I'm cute she likes how I look, ect. but she needs a real relationship, and she thinks that I will not be able to give her enough attention. I've replied but she did not, and this is since 4 days... should I call her, or let it go? From the exact text it's a bit dubious to me (I've just summed it up above), I don't know. I don't want to appear like a total looser either which could happen if I start calling her 1-2 times... hm. Opinions? Answering questions like this help me make progress in life. Oh, btw. the girl is 29, I'm 27.
Sorry for the rant

Raschaverak Wrote:Anyone has the answer?

Red Bull.

Seriously though, the most important thing is perseverence.

Who cares how quickly other people learn? I think browsing online communities might have skewed your perception slightly of what is normal, but most people in the world don't even make an effort to better themselves by learning beyond what they have to.

And I know from personal experience that depression can make it hard to find the energy keep going, but as long as you do you're making progress, and that's all that matters, not how much you SHOULD be learning.

About the girl, just call her. What's the worse that could happen?

bakuchiku Wrote:And I know from personal experience that depression can make it hard to find the energy keep going ...

I don't know, for me it was / is different. It was hard to concentrate on anything, because I was always wondering what other people (my pervious classmates, ect.) have already achieved (mostly academically).This is my sweet spot - academic performance, and lately social performance. I always tend to compare myselfy to others in these respects and the results were devastating... really. I just did not understand how are they able to accomplish what they did (electrical engineering MSc, Prgorammer Msc, Chemist) all serious professions, AND still have a social life. This was more than a year ago. I started to think I have some barin damage or something, or a weak nervous system - so I went all the way down to every possbile doctor: MRI scan, CT scan, neuropsyschologist - did the MAWI test...all negative. So I still did not understand - and that's when I started to realize that I had depression maybe. But all the time I had energy, even more than an average person I think - when I went to the psychiatrist with my problem, they gave me medication actually to slow me down... so.... hm.
Maybe I will call her but I expect a "User busy" sign, or not answering the phone

Lucky you then if you have plenty of energy, I find that's my main obstacle to getting what I want from life, that and a general lack of self confidence.

I like Ice Cream's idea about setting challenges, I actually thought of trying that for myself last night. I think it's important to not beat yourself up though, and make realistic goals... for example 2000 words a month is quite a lot you know.

I've never really liked the idea of timeboxing, fitting as much studying into your spare time as possible etc... but if you've got a lot of energy maybe that might work for you?

Anyway, it seems like you need to stop comparing yourself to your peers... some people just learn faster than others, but that certainly doesn't mean you're flawed. Just focus on doing what you want and forget the rest.

Raschaverak Wrote:

bakuchiku Wrote:And I know from personal experience that depression can make it hard to find the energy keep going ...

I don't know, for me it was / is different. It was hard to concentrate on anything, because I was always wondering what other people (my pervious classmates, ect.) have already achieved (mostly academically).This is my sweet spot - academic performance, and lately social performance. I always tend to compare myselfy to others in these respects and the results were devastating... really. I just did not understand how are they able to accomplish what they did (electrical engineering MSc, Prgorammer Msc, Chemist) all serious professions, AND still have a social life. This was more than a year ago. I started to think I have some barin damage or something, or a weak nervous system - so I went all the way down to every possbile doctor: MRI scan, CT scan, neuropsyschologist - did the MAWI test...all negative. So I still did not understand - and that's when I started to realize that I had depression maybe. But all the time I had energy, even more than an average person I think - when I went to the psychiatrist with my problem, they gave me medication actually to slow me down... so.... hm.
Maybe I will call her but I expect a "User busy" sign, or not answering the phone

Better than nothing.

Do it.

If you do nothing, nothing will change.

The 3 most important rules to getting things done:

#1) Just do it.
#2) Just do it.
#3) Just do it.

Every time you get lazy or start to procrastinate, tell yourself "Just Do It!".

I come from an extremely bad background and when I graduated university I saw peoples parents buy them cars etc. and getting the same degree as me because they had better software etc. Although my mum was very happy, I found this very, very disillusioning. The tape I had playing in my head blared out "right, I've almost killed myself getting a degree with out going to Japan and everyone else's parents have paid for them to go to Japan and got them cars and clothes etc. All that is left for me to do now is become an underworld hitman."

This is an example of black and white thinking - I now learnt that other students on the course had issues and that not everyone got as good a degree as me. My outlook was immature and idiotic. My negativity caused me not to think logically and look at things the wrong way. It cost me loads of productive hours.

I motivate myself by looking at myself and not others - I recognize that my education has got me places and introduced me to people that most from my background could never dream of and think of the happy times I have had. I am realistic not optimistic.

If I really need to motivate myself I think of people spitting me at the street when I was younger or teachers telling me I was stupid,

I think motivation has to come from within. I think black and white/obsessive thinking may cause a lot of your problems.

Are you Einstein? Hawking? Camus? No? What would your friends, family, social circles say if they found out you are a genius? Would they run after you, ask you day-in and day-out? Most likely, because its your genius that attracts them, not you. Because you are still limited to who you are. You might be no social animal, an over-achiever, but you are the best person out there. Because you are you. You have to live with yourself, and you surely don't want to live with a person that you don't like.

Learn to be yourself, explore and discover yourself, learn from yourself, be yourself and accept yourself as the person you are. Stop comparing yourself to other people and their lives. In the end you will only come to the conclusion that you will never be them, and that you wasted precious time of your life thinking about all the possibilities you could have had, if only you could be one of them. Or even an average person with a social life. Or a normal person with an 8-6 routine job.

But thats them and this is you, looking for a way to achieve something in life, to be one of those who "made it in life." Why don't you try to be different than the rest? Is it that important to be "normal" to be someone? Times ticking by, *tick tick tick* and you aren't going to become any younger. Does this mean you have to find a shortcut, to be able to reach whatever your goals are? No! It is your own time, and you can decide to do as much or as little, as you are able to do.

Don't aim to be normal. There is no law, not even in your country, that prohibits people from being different. Life is easy, you have to earn money, you have to eat, you have to sleep. If you like to sleep leaning against a wall, that is totally up to you. You are working, you earn your money, and what you do with it except paying your bills, is up to you. Your whole freaking life is up to you, if you don't look at life as being overly complex.

You have to cover the basics you need to live, the rest is up to you, the way you do besides that, is up to you. And you are going to succeed or fail, and others might point at you and say: looser - YOU FAILED! So what? Yes, you failed! And if you succeed in something important to you? Do others care about it? No. Because it was your success, and others would then come and say: He could only have done it because "insert a reason that allows jealiousy."

Whatever you do in life, do it only for yourself, without looking at others. I gave up trying a long, long time ago, in a Galaxy far away ... *whoops* wrong text ... and since then, my life - as miserable as it is due to my physical limitations - became 100000% better. But this is my life, I live it, and I both hate and love it. But I am myself, always. Not many out there who can say this for themselves I guess, but they aren't me, or are they?

So, what I try to say in a long-winded way is this. You can be whoever or whatever you want to be, if you make it happen, and as long as you can live with the consequences of "not being one of them." So, keep smiling, and your mirror will smile back at you.

2000 words a month is like 66 a day. That's a crazy amount! No doubt you beat yourself up if you don't achieve your total in one day, and then this negative feeling makes you put off doing it the next day.

Actually I had a schedule like this for Chinese; study 1 lesson of Rosetta Stone, 1 lesson of pimsuleur, 10 hanji and 10 words in anki. But it was so boring I kept putting off doing it, and then ended up not studying for 4 months!

My tactic now is simple; I just learn minimum 2 words a day, and 2 hanzi. It's so so easy I usually end up doing more, but if I don't feel like it no sweat; at the very least I'll have a 1000 word vocab at the end of the year, which is fine; no hurry.

As for making progess in life in general; my biggest piece of advise is to get a job, any job, even if it's just a part-time unpaid voluntary thing. I felt like you did last year when I was employed; everything was a chore, seeing my friends was embarrassing (they were achieving so much while i was doing nothing), and I just felt useless. Working gives you a sense of purpose and control over your life, which I think is necessary unless you're a particular motivated and driven person.

Good luck

EDIT: oh yeh one more thing; if you look at internet porn on a regular basis (i.e. every day) , then STOP NOW! It could be seriously screwing with your dopamine levels and causing depression/loss of motivation:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-are-the-...e-porn-use