Haha no

-Supplement-
You can find girls easy enough if you make the slightest bit of effort. You do not need to spend big money on clothes and haircuts. Japanese people and other foreigners alike laugh behind the backs of foreigners who try to look like hosts.

Even foreigners who would be deemed pretty unattractive back home and who are completely socially inept/awkward have relatively good luck if they make a bit of effort. This is because they have the advantage of being foreign (and thus exotic), plus they are making an effort (which most Japanese men don't seem to do nowadays unless they are players). I know a near endless number of attractive early 20s girls who can't get boyfriends because of the 草食男/player dichotomy.

I don't own any spendy clothes (other than business wear I think my most expensive item is an 8000Y jacket) and I don't even buy drinks yet I had girls asking me to be their boyfriend every week and still others giving signals that they want me to ask them when I put myself out there and tried to meet people when I became single earlier this year, though I was friend-zoning all of them because I didn't want a gf at the time. Anyways, it doesn't take money.

I don't know why you never had any luck, but it might have to do with follow through (or you came across as a player to women who are not interested in players). Doing mails for a week or so after meeting is the surefire way of hooking up with even a girl who is not super interested at first (since most guys who do nanpa are just players looking to score that night).

If you can't speak Japanese that changes the dynamics a bit, because you might have people just talking to you to practice English, though that lets you play the wacky gaijin card (which personally I detest but whatever). I never really speak English to Japanese people unless they have amazing English already.

Maybe they were frightened

I think one also has to approach jpnese girls in the same way you would successfully approach western girls... i.e. in a bar/club/party-type social scene, when they're in a social frame of mind... the difference is that you'll probably be more successful with the j-girls.

hitting on them in the street or konbini or whatever will just get you crazy looks.

but it's true that the myth of how a gaijin can just show up and drop trou end of story... is not the case. I never got flirted with in the train station or given the sex face in public in a way that sometimes does happen in nyc... but my (not very attractive) white male friend told me about how he was walking once through a train station in tokyo with a guitar, and basically got mobbed by girls who thought he must have been somebody famous...

Yeah, I'm talking about social settings.

Thinking girls are going to be tearing at the zipper on your pants as you walk down the street is nonsense, though a cute (French) girl came up to me earlier this week as I was walking through my local train station and started small talk. Was too bad I was in a rush.

Even if you hit on a girl on the street who finds you attractive, they will likely just ignore you because of the shock and because it's embarrassing. It's the same reason you rarely see Japanese couples kiss in public (or even hold hands unless they are very young).

Being a foreigner will instantly make you seem a little more interesting than back at home (and possibly more attractive) but that's about it, the rest of the work is still up to you. When it comes to serious relationships it can be a big polariser. It's not uncommon to have girls after you who are desperate to marry a foriegner, while the ones you might actually like have no interest in marrying a foreigner at all.
Also, yes there are girls who are completely materialistic and obsessed with brand names, but there are also plenty who aren't (same as in any country).

I think Japan has social problems just like any other country. The longer I'm here though, it feels like some of these problems are also intrinsically linked to some of the benefits of living here. For example the working hours some people have to put up with are ridiculous, but I enjoy the fact that there's someone still working at the delivery company at 8pm to come and deliver my packages.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that both the good and bad things about Japan are products of its culture and so it's hard to find simple solutions to them without completely changing the culture of the country.

ta12121 Wrote:

aphasiac Wrote:

Jarvik7 Wrote:When gf was a high school student, some guy ran up and spooged on her uniform's skirt while she was doing tachiyomi at a bookstore.

Wow. I've seen J-AV in which this happens, but despite the female's face being blurred I assumed it was all fake and setup!

What is it about Japanese culture and/or society that makes sexual assault so common-place / desirable?

I've always wondered about that too, can anyone answer that question?

The fact that striking a conversation with a stranger is considered unacceptable?

i really wish you guys would say "westerners" instead of "foreigners" =)

Westerner doesn't exclude asian looking people either if that's what you're getting at.

I think his point is that most foreigners in Japan are actually (non-western) Chinese and Koreans and others from all sorts of diverse places not just people from the anglo-sphere (be they white or not) like most on this board. Because of that a lot of what is written here and elsewhere on the web about the foreigner in Japan experience is gross generalization.

As well as the lack of public bins and benches, the other thing that I noticed was the lack of grass/lawn. Most of the parks are paved. There was one day in Tokyo where all I wanted to do was lie on some grass, read a book and enjoy the sunshine. It proved impossible though.

It struck me as strange, because I think in most Australian cities you are never more than 30 mins walk away from some kind of grassy park area.

The other thing that annoyed me about Japan (I was there in early novemnber) was the damn christmas music playing in every shop, even in supposedly "trendy" cafes. Really irritating.

What do typical families in Japan do on Christmas anyway? I was a little surprised to see so much Christmas music and decorations here in Tokyo (as compared to Tochigi). I know people go to KFC and have cake, but do they do anything else?

Couples do "stuff" and may exchange gifts. Families might have a special dinner or christmas cake for dessert. I think that's about the most of it because most people have to work anyway.

Jarvik7 Wrote:Westerner doesn't exclude asian looking people either if that's what you're getting at.

Is that it? I thought Westerner implied the western part of Eurasia.

I certainly don't get any of these benefits that everyone talks about. People always talk to me in Japanese even when I say I can't. No one notices me and I don't really stand out. People will sit next to me on crowded trains and even ask if the seat is taken.

qwertyytrewq Wrote:But an advantage nevertheless. If a girl had a choice of a fat and ugly Japanese guy and a fat and ugly white guy like yourself, I think she would probably choose you, just for the novelty of white skin.

I think these gross generalizations and stereotypes are going too far now, to the point where it's not really helpful.

qwertyytrewq Wrote:

kainzero Wrote:I think these gross generalizations and stereotypes are going too far now, to the point where it's not really helpful.

What stereotype am I invoking?

The one that japanese girls will necessarily prefer a foreigner, all things being equal. This is true for some girls, and not true for others.

There's also...

-All westerners being equal
-The ugliness of the westerner and the Japanese being exactly the same and comparable

If you gave me a choice between a fat ugly white girl and a fat ugly Asian girl, I would probably be resigned to the fact that both choices are terrible to the point where it doesn't matter anymore. (I assume ugly also factors in personality.) I think it's kinda brash to assume that most Japanese girls will trend towards the foreigners all things considered equal.

The whole scenario of having to choose between two fat ugly people is strange to begin with...

dizmox Wrote:The whole scenario of having to choose between two fat ugly people is strange to begin with...

Damn obesity crisis.

taupe Wrote:As well as the lack of public bins and benches, the other thing that I noticed was the lack of grass/lawn. Most of the parks are paved. There was one day in Tokyo where all I wanted to do was lie on some grass, read a book and enjoy the sunshine. It proved impossible though.

.....

The other thing that annoyed me about Japan (I was there in early novemnber) was the damn christmas music playing in every shop, even in supposedly "trendy" cafes. Really irritating.

Really you just need to know where to go. Tokyo won't really have parks I think because a) homesless probably are using them and b) because the city wasn't planned around it. I have seen a number of urban-ish towns though in Japan that planned city development and left room for trees and parks. Tokyo development wasn't planned.

I hate Christmas music too.

Tokyo was planned, especially after everything getting destroyed twice in the last 100 years, it just wasn't planned in the way you wanted it to be.

Jarvik7 Wrote:Yeah, I'm talking about social settings.
Even if you hit on a girl on the street who finds you attractive, they will likely just ignore you because of the shock and because it's embarrassing. It's the same reason you rarely see Japanese couples kiss in public (or even hold hands unless they are very young).

Say you're new in the area and ask if there's a good bar or cafe nearby. You're hitting on her but she doesn't know it

Anyone living in Japan ever felt like torching all the paperwork you have to fill out? I certainly have.

Me: バカンスにはヨーロッパに行こうと思ってるんですが。
OL:分かりました。 こちらの６枚書類を記入してもらっても宜しいでしょうか？
MeMust resist urge to not rant on the inefficiency of 12 required personal stamps from co-workers)

buddy your name is rediculous. please tell me it's some kind of meta- humour...?

おねがいします〜

dtcamero Wrote:buddy your name is rediculous. please tell me it's some kind of meta- humour...?

おねがいします〜

Some time ago I started dating a Japanese exchange student at my university in America. My circle of friends had never dated a non-white girl or even been associated with any native Asians and they dubbed me "The Asian Pleaser" because we were geeks like that. It has stuck ever since.

Japanese people all seem to say it's the food. Probably right...

qwertyytrewq Wrote:

kainzero Wrote:If you gave me a choice between a fat ugly white girl and a fat ugly Asian girl, I would probably be resigned to the fact that both choices are terrible to the point where it doesn't matter anymore. (I assume ugly also factors in personality.)

By "doesn't matter anymore", do you mean you don't care about which fat and ugly girl you'll get? Or you don't want to choose?

Well, you gotta choose because you're fat and ugly also and this is your chance to lose your virginity (if that is important to you). Or your first chance to experience a relationship if you don't get as far as sex.

I'm not sure where this is argument is going anymore...

I think I really just wanted to drive home the fact that people regardless of cultural upbringing may have individual personalities and preferences, and I stated my preference... which is to say, no preference, because they're both terrible to where it doesn't matter.




It might be the food that makes them skinny but honestly, their portions aren't very big calorie-wise because they don't consume as much protein and rice and soup make up a big part of their diet. Also most of them walk everywhere so they get more physical movement and probably burn more calories.

Japanese people eat trucks loads... their food just isn't high calorie. I was soundly out paced by my 10 year old host brother at a ratio of 3-1 for an entire weekend. No idea where the little guy was fitting it. I have never eaten so much as I did that weekend, and I couldn't keep up at all.