Raschaverak Wrote:..and EXTROVERT - she's a teacher for pete's sake - my voice starts shaking when talking to only 3-4 people...

I was extremely shy at public speaking until I started teaching English. First day was HELL, i was terrified! As first week went on, it got better and better. Now I can't remember what it was like to be nervous in front of a class of kids.

Best way to get over these fears by facing them and doing them. You get good at anything with practise, genetics aren't a factor.

Yeah, I remember being pretty nervous about talking in front of a class when I first became a teacher. Took about a month and that feeling was gone completely, haha.

Raschaverak Wrote:I messed up a few dates, and emails

What did you do?

qwertyytrewq Wrote:Now, as for your situation, it sounds like the woman you found was too good for you, I'm sorry to say. Women aim upwards, men aim downwards. That's why you never see a princess marry a farmboy.

I don't know. Then why would sy date somebody 8 times in a row if she know she's not rellay into me...hm. She even wanted to introduce me to her parents. Of course she might have lied....for all I know. Oh, get this: yesterday I dated the hottest girl ever...
I've exchaged a few emails with her already....except that I thought she was somebody else...an unglier one....when we met I was surprised totally.. but still did not realize that this was the other one! During the date I asked how old is she...29, I'm 27 now, I thought I was going to date a 26 years old....so that's were it was revealed, I've confused her with somebody else...haha. Up until that point I was acting totally cool..... She told me to call her...In Hungary this is the polite way to say: f*** off
Oh well, I enjoyed it at least

All of it was wrong. Extroverts rule the world. I have proof.
I'm screwed

Y'know, I actually wonder if you're an introvert. Let me put it this way in a bit of an extreme example:

Stick an extrovert in the middle of nowhere with nobody around to interact with, and they'll go stir crazy. They require social interaction and can't go without it.

Do the same with an introvert, and they'll be just fine. They might even find it a relief. Makes it easier to concentrate on other stuff, good time to read books, do some artwork, etc.

What I see here is a lot of whining about not having a lot of friends/girlfriend, not being outgoing enough, and not having a huge social group. Doesn't sound like an introvert to me, it sounds more like an extrovert with low self esteem.

Not that it's easy to be an introvert, as modern society does seem geared toward rewarding extroversion, and considers introvert tendencies as negative.

Introvert =/= shy, antisocial, misanthropic, etc. It just means you're fully capable of doing things on your own, and you like to have some "me" time to recharge.

This will explain it better than I could: http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-t...ntroverts/

six8ten Wrote:Y'know, I actually wonder if you're an introvert. Let me put it this way in a bit of an extreme example:

Stick an extrovert in the middle of nowhere with nobody around to interact with, and they'll go stir crazy. They require social interaction and can't go without it.

Do the same with an introvert, and they'll be just fine. They might even find it a relief. Makes it easier to concentrate on other stuff, good time to read books, do some artwork, etc.

What I see here is a lot of whining about not having a lot of friends/girlfriend, not being outgoing enough, and not having a huge social group. Doesn't sound like an introvert to me, it sounds more like an extrovert with low self esteem.

Not that it's easy to be an introvert, as modern society does seem geared toward rewarding extroversion, and considers introvert tendencies as negative.

Introvert =/= shy, antisocial, misanthropic, etc. It just means you're fully capable of doing things on your own, and you like to have some "me" time to recharge.

This will explain it better than I could: http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-t...ntroverts/

I don't know what I am anymore.... but you could be right, thanks for the tip, I really might be an extrovert with low self-esteem. I've been searching the net how to improvbe the self-esteem, but did not find anything really useful....just a few tips.
The article you linked was interesting, but it basically says what I already knew: the world is for extroverts

Extroverts just seem to be introverts who get lonely easily.

I like necroing threads, so I just did it
Did not want to open another for it. So my question is, how do you stay positive? I know the power of it, but now matter how much I try, I just cant keep being positive, sooner or later it falls back to the negative downward spiral. How can I bounce back aoutomatically, and be postivie again?

I don't think always being positive is the way to go. I try to be balanced, this way neither the positive or the negative can hinder me from what I have to do. See ying/yang, etc. I think the most important is to do stuff, and try not to think too much how you feel about it (otherwise, you might end up doing nothing). Why I like meditation, because at times you can think of nothing.

Quote:Why I like meditation, because at times you can think of nothing.

I "meditate" all the time.

I do meditate as well, however it doesn't seem to help. I guess I can only change my behaviour and my thinking pattern with acting, doing things differently in same situations, or doing different things, thus reassuring the positivity in it, and in hindsight, on the sub-conscious level, creating the seeds for positive thinking ("Oh I did this that time, how cool , oh I acted this way in this situation, how nice, ect.) This is the only way I can think of, I know myself this much, that I won't be able to just snap out of the negativity by deciding upon it. I need to act - without too much thinking

Raschaverak Wrote:I do meditate as well, however it doesn't seem to help. I guess I can only change my behaviour and my thinking pattern with acting, doing things differently in same situations, or doing different things, thus reassuring the positivity in it, and in hindsight, on the sub-conscious level, creating the seeds for positive thinking ("Oh I did this that time, how cool , oh I acted this way in this situation, how nice, ect.) This is the only way I can think of, I know myself this much, that I won't be able to just snap out of the negativity by deciding upon it. I need to act - without too much thinking

Have you tried any of the other advice people gave before, e.g. exercise? I think there's a lot more to depression than most people think, and it could just be a symptom of all sorts of different imbalances in the body. You probably stand the best chance by improving everything you can - negative thought patterns, stress, nutrient deficiencies, dysbiosis and chronic infections, lack of exercise, inflammation - there could be a lot of factors at play. It may seem like it's all in your head, but if your head was flooded with serotonin, you'd probably feel slightly different about that, and improving your general biochemistry is likely to improve your brain chemistry.

The gut-brain connection is an interesting one. A large part of the nervous system resides in the gut and the majority of neurotransmitters are created there. There have also been some interesting experiments involving "bacterial therapy", like this one. If you suffer from GERD, indigestion, bloating, gas, bowel pain, constipation etc then resolving these could be very helpful.

Fabrice mentioned vitamin D before and he's seriously right about that one. A deficiency is linked to more diseases than you could name, and it's extremely common, if not epidemic, nowadays. A recent report said 1 in 4 are deficient in England. If you can get a serum (25OHD) test, you might find the results interesting.

If you want to resolve any chronic disease, you've got to take on a big role yourself. Medicine isn't in the business of cure or prevention. It can take a lot of investigation and experimentation on your own part. Keeping up-to-date with the research and reading about the experience of others gives you clues and ideas to try. The most important thing is not to give up.

Have you ever heard of the line "fake it till you make it"? Supposedly if you fake something long enough, you'll begin to feel it. For example if you place a smile on your face for long enough, the use of those muscles will cause chemicals to be sent to your brain saying "I'm smiling, therefore I'm supposed to be happy" and you'll start to feel happier.

I think one of the best things to do when you're feeling down though is dance. Put on some loud music, or even just use your ipod, make sure no one can see you and just dance till you feel exhausted. The exercise will send endorphins to your brain, annndd you get to listen to good music

Sorry guys, Just seen tonight, and in the recent weeks tons of examples, that extroverts rule the world. That's how it is, introverts - have a happy time spent with your psychologists trying to find out why your world is not working - tell you why: because you are not extroverts End of rambling.

What about people like Bill Gates?

dizmox Wrote:What about people like Bill Gates?

Or Jeff Bezos (founder of Amazon), Larry Page (Google), Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook), Warren Buffett, Steve Wozniak (Apple), J.K. Rowling (author of Harry Potter), Alfred Hitchcock, Tom Hanks, David Letterman, Michael Jordan, Steven Spielberg and Oprah Winfrey, who are well-known introverts too.

Besides, trying to pigeonhole people into a silly dichotomy is childish.

dizmox Wrote:Besides, trying to pigeonhole people into a silly dichotomy is childish.

This. Stop thinking in terms of introverts vs. extroverts. It will get you nowhere. Instead, detect your difficulties and then eliminate them.

Extroverts have their own set of problems too. They have trouble sitting down alone and focusing for hours on end like introverts. In fact, it is difficult for them to think without someone on which to bounce their ideas. I would never trade away my solitary thoughts for extroverted social glory. I'd be a far less interesting person if I did so. The very thought of such a trade seems shallow and desperate to me.

As an introvert who struggled with social situations, I made rapid progress by approaching the situation as a complex network of individual problems that needed to be resolved. Thus, the transformation didn't take place overnight, but at a gradual, although quick, pace. I analyzed my behavior for patterns that lead to undesired results, and then I designed strategies to break myself out of those patterns. Eventually, in between my junior and senior year of high school, I went from someone who did not even look my own parents in the eye to someone who gave room-silencing presentations in class.

During my transformation, however, staying true to myself was very important. Don't force yourself to step down to idle chat and cheap banter if that doesn't appeal to you. Don't be afraid to show your inner thoughts; extroverts are often blown away and impressed by the thoughts of introverts, but that won't happen unless they hear those thoughts. Of course, I'm not saying that you should be a curmudgeon that ignores social norms while crushing others under your weighty opinions (unless you're fine with that). Think of social norms like a canvas. You can't paint outside the canvas (well... let's not get into that debate), but you're free to express yourself within the borders of the canvas. It's easy to think of the confines of social norms as a type of prison, but that isn't the case. Without some framework to work within, we lack any common ground to interact with and understand each other. The framework of social norms is what allows the possibility of expression. Although it is important to try to make the framework maximize freedom of expression, we mustn't forget that it is what makes sharing our expressions possible in the first place.

I've noticed that introverts (the kind who forgo social interaction) tend to be too attached to their thoughts which are created based on assumptions more often than not. When there is no one to compare and reflect your thoughts on it is greatly likely that the results are not accurate at all. Your subjective reality =/= the objective reality, and we simply can not analyze the world properly without the help of others giving us new material (perspectives, opinions, facts) to work with.

While I'd say that the extremely extroverted people have an easier time with life in general compared to the extremely introverted who can not make use of social connections in the same scale (especially nowadays when you are not forced to interact socially like a few decades ago), when you move towards the middle of the spectrum the introverts have an edge- as long as they don't get too attached in their own thoughts. You don't need other people to flourish, but you can still get the benefits of having a lot of social connections. Even better if you have a SO that is (reasonably) extroverted. Best of both worlds.

(Funny enough, it was the perspective of an extrovert that made me realize the strength in being a "healthy" introvert. I also realized that extroverts may overlook their own strengths while giving introverts too much credit. The likeness between us blew my mind.)

/2cents

Quote:Sorry guys, Just seen tonight, and in the recent weeks tons of examples, that extroverts rule the world. That's how it is, introverts - have a happy time spent with your psychologists trying to find out why your world is not working - tell you why: because you are not extroverts smile End of rambling.

Only if we're talking about the extremes. Too much of anything is a bad thing. Simply less so for the extroverts.

[Zgarbas]

Are you kidding me? Is there anything more annoying than the extreme extroverts, with they constant talking and nagging and never ever ever shutting up, and the talking about their feelings the day you meet them? And the touching! The too much is bad rule goes for everything .

I'm happily introverted, btw. I wish that was my greatest issue =/.

Quote:The too much is bad rule goes for everything.

That's what I said.. lol.

The fact is that the extreme extroverts have a much larger support web to fall back on and make use of when it comes down to it. Networking is extremely valuable, and humans have always been the most successful by working together.

Extrovert-related things that turn me off:

-High frequency of social interaction. If I socialised all the time, it'd feel like it turning into a blur and get exhausted. I need periods of relative isolation to recoup my energies and escape into my own fantasies from to time.
-Large social networks. I prefer to have my friends be close, or not be friends at all. I wouldn't like to have a long, tapering off tail of people who I list on Facebook as friends but hardly ever even talk to.
-Homogenity in culture and communication style. Sprawling, highly interlinked social networks lend themselves to decreased social diversity. Take the typical university social scene for instance. Everyone acts in line with the institutional culture. It's so incredibly boring. People who are totally isolated have the potential to become the most interesting (though admittedly often aren't - the problems that led to their isolation usually outweigh their endearing eccentricities).
-Large group situations. I will never get the attraction of these. It just seems like herd animal mentality to me. Maybe some people enjoy the feeling of depersonalisation and falling under the spell of group psychology. I do not know. One on one interaction feels the most special to me.

Despite being very chatty and at times almost clingy with the few people I do take a liking to, I consider myself a pretty militant introvert with regards to the above. And I think my life has been (or is recently becoming) pretty successful/interesting.