What are the friendly, polite, and formal ways a native speaker would say thank you when:

1. A young waiter fills your cup of water.
2. An elderly waiter fills your cup of water.

3. A store clerk gets something you asked for from a higher shelf.
4. A store clerk gives you change for the vending machine while you are in a hurry.
5. The store manager/supervisor digs up a supposedly sold-out item for you from the back of the shop's storage.
6. The store manager/supervisor tries briefly but fails to find a supposedly sold-out item for you from the back of the shop's storage.
7. The store manager/supervisor tries diligently but fails to find a supposedly sold-out item for you from the back of the shop's storage.

8. A helpful stranger picks up a pencil you dropped for you.
9. A person you dislike picks up a pencil you dropped for you.
10. A helpful stranger gives you directions.
11. A scary looking stranger gives you directions.
12. An elderly man gives you directions.

13. Your friends give you birthday presents.
14. Your parents give you birthday presents.
15. Your friends get you a present, but you don't like it/it's lame, and you want to make a teasing joke about it that everyone can laugh along with.

16. You want to goad an enemy in a confrontation by sardonically saying "thanks" to a horrible insult.

17. A teacher corrects a minor error you committed.
18. A teacher corrects a drastic error you committed.

19. Someone helps you pick up an armload of items that were knocked to the floor because they ran into you without looking.
20. Someone helps you pick up an armload of items that were knocked to the floor because you ran into them without looking.

21. A cute girl does something and you want to impress/intrigue her.
22. An annoying person does something to ingratiate themselves to you, and you want to say thanks while simultaneously communicating the desire for distance and formality, but not as harshly as a direct rejection.

23. A priest says the eulogy for the funeral of a family member.

24. A casino cashier gives you cash for your chips after you won big gambling.
25. A casino cashier gives you cash for your chips after you won lost horribly at gambling.

26. The bartender pours you your drink.
27. The bartender pours you a drink on the house.
28. You get a free drink when a generous/drunk patron has the bartender give everyone a drink to celebrate an occasion.

29. Your boss gives you an extra sick day.
30. Your boss gives you an extra week's vacation.
31. Your boss agrees to stop sexually harassing you.

32. Your best friend serves as the best man at your wedding.
33. Your best friend flies across the ocean on one day's notice to be the best man at your wedding.
34. Your best friend grudgingly accepts the responsibility of showing up properly attired and mannered for your not-at-all-distant wedding after much coaxing.

35. Someone holds a door open for you.

36. Home improvement contractors finish fixing your clogged storm drains.
37. Home improvement contractors finish installing your new dishwasher.
38. Home improvement contractors finish installing your new kitchen.

39. Someone willfully and at risk to themselves, saves your life.
40. Someone incidentally or accidentally saves your life.

41. Your friend gives you a piece of gum from a pack that they casually offered from.

42. A helpful person answers your question here on an internet forum.

Also, how informal/formal is サンキュウ？Should this only be used among friends and/or younger people?

Thank you

Wow, that's a (possibly unnecessarily) large list!!! But it is something I have often wondered about too...

TL;DR

..but in general most Japanese people do not thank store employees unless they go very far out of their way to help, since the employee is in an inferior position and just doing their job.

They also do not thank strangers for doing something like holding the elevator or picking up something you dropped. Instead they apologize for the trouble (すみません).

For things that are a really big deal (life saved etc), a spoken thank you is insufficient. You have developed 恩. You are indebted to them forever and must send presents at new years etc. You must also speak in keigo from then on. Lots of younger people are 恩知らず though.

No one really says サンキュウ except kids and maybe ギャル. I cannot recall the last time I heard it.

SammyB Wrote:Wow, that's a (possibly unnecessarily) large list!!! But it is something I have often wondered about too...

Indeed! These minor things can potentially alienate you to what I believe is the "soto" (outsider) vs the "uchi" (one of us), almost never a desirable outcome!

Jarvik7 Wrote:TL;DR

..but in general most Japanese people do not thank store employees unless they go very far out of their way to help, since the employee is in an inferior position and just doing their job.

Not even a simple "domo" or "arigato"? Or even a nod of acknowledgement that the person exists and performed an action? Completely silent and unresponsive is the norm?

Jarvik7 Wrote:They also do not thank strangers for doing something like holding the elevator or picking up something you dropped. Instead they apologize for the trouble (すみません).

For things that are a really big deal (life saved etc), a spoken thank you is insufficient. You have developed 恩. You are indebted to them forever and must send presents at new years etc. You must also speak in keigo from then on. Lots of younger people are 恩知らず though.

Thank you.

Jarvik7 Wrote:No one really says サンキュウ except kids and maybe ギャル. I cannot recall the last time I heard it.

Kids? So just to be friendly to young co-workers (20-30) サンキュウ would be inappropriate or unintentionally self-disparaging?

There is too much overlap in your list and it's too large. If you want more replies I suggest choosing 5-10 which you are most curious about.

Well there's no rush, and answering portions of it at a forumer's leisure would still be highly appreciated and helpful!

And on the contrary, there is no overlap, given the characteristic that appropriate and instinctive understanding of hierarchy, roles, and the language to go with those situations seems to be second-nature to a not insignificant number of Japanese native speakers.

It is often the case that the slightest nuance could make you seem おかしい when among those who are not familiar friends.

Jarvik7 Wrote:..but in general most Japanese people do not thank store employees unless they go very far out of their way to help, since the employee is in an inferior position and just doing their job.

They also do not thank strangers for doing something like holding the elevator or picking up something you dropped. Instead they apologize for the trouble (すみません).

I agree. This was something that really suprised me when I first moved to Japan. Considering how polite Japanese people are in general, I thought it was a little rude that they didn't thank staff for doing something, or restaurant staff for filling up their glasses of water. I always made a point of saying thank you because, as a foreigner, you aren't bound by Japanese social norms so to speak, and I know that if I was the staff member, I would like to be thanked to know the customer appreciates what I am doing (although technically it is part of my job yadda yadda yadda).

The other thing that surprised me was that customers never asked staff how they are and vice versa. Obviously this is because they don't know the other person personally, and so it would be considered rude to ask, but in Western culture it is would be considered rude if you didn't.

Anyway I soon got over it and started behaving like the Japanese customers did (to a certain extent). When in Rome...

SendaiDan Wrote:I always made a point of saying thank you because, as a foreigner, you aren't bound by Japanese social norms so to speak, and I know that if I was the staff member, I would like to be thanked to know the customer appreciates what I am doing (although technically it is part of my job yadda yadda yadda).

Was there ever a kind of reverse stigma for saying such a thing? Like the staff member would blink and give you a strange look for thanking them?

Seems like a very long list but I know by experience that the cases where one can doubt what to say or even whether or not to say anything at all are pretty much more. As jarvik7 pointed before, in general, you dont need to thank in cases where employees are doing you a service. If you think they are doing something somehow beyond their functions, then... depends a lot. First, it depends if you are man or woman and how old are you respect to them. Consider that women usually use more polite speech than men and that youngers (should) thank elders more frequently. The next is the way I (man, middle 20's) would deal with the cases you propose:

In 1, 2, 3, 5, 24, 25, 26, 28 I wouldnt say anything at all.
In 6 and 7, first I would hear the clerk apologizing for not having the item and then I would say, 大丈夫です (no problem)。
In 4, 27, 35, I would say どうも and maybe in case 4 and 25, すみません if the other is older.
In 8 and 9, I would say すみません or どうもすみません, if I think they did a bigger effort
In 10, 11, 12 I would say どうもありがとうございます。Maybe a woman would say どうもすみません、ありがとうございます。
In 13, ありがとう
For 14, well, my parents dont speak Japanese so, I'd say nothing!
For 15, maybe something like なんだ、これ!!　ありがたいものなのに、ちょっとやめてくれ!!
16... no comments
17 and 18, どうも、すみません。 and in 18 something like 確かにまだまだ勉強しないといけないですね。(my teachers are quite relaxed people)
19 They would apologize and you would say　いいえ、大丈夫です。or if you think they are higher hierarchy than you, you may even turn back the apology as こちらこそ。
20 I'd had to apologize　すみません。　どうもすみません。　申し訳ない。　申し訳ありません。 in crescent order of age and hierarchy of the other.
21 maybe only ありがとう if you want to intrigue her with a foreigner-like shallow 'thank you'
22 the best way to be 'ironic' is to use a expression more polite than necessary. If he/she is my peer and I dont really like him/her, I might use a super polite expression. ご迷惑をかけて申し訳ありません。今後、私がいたします。
23 お言葉、心より大変ありがとうございます。or something like that
29-30 more than thanking, it would be necessary an apology, as others would be working and you wont.　どうもすみません。
31 no comments
36, 37, 38 If older than me (lets say, 40 or more), maybe どうもありがとうございます。Younger, I would even say ご苦労さまでした a woman may as well say どうも、ありがとうございました。
for 39 and 40, maybe この度、ご自分のお体をものともせず、助けて下さいまして心より御礼申し上げます。and I would have to add a present, at least.
41 ありがとう　or いただきます
42 as you prefer

I have seen people (even men) for 25-30 saying サンキュウ but only to people younger or 'lower' than them, that they know from before and in informal contexts, but even so it sounds quite childish.

The upper answers are just an approximation. Answers with keigo (23, 39, 40) have most likely mistakes so actually I would ask my japanese friends before actually using them.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:

SendaiDan Wrote:I always made a point of saying thank you because, as a foreigner, you aren't bound by Japanese social norms so to speak, and I know that if I was the staff member, I would like to be thanked to know the customer appreciates what I am doing (although technically it is part of my job yadda yadda yadda).

Was there ever a kind of reverse stigma for saying such a thing? Like the staff member would blink and give you a strange look for thanking them?

Yeah I think sometimes they were suprised, but I wouldn't say that they took offense because I said thank you. If anything I think they probably appreciated it. Though I do remember asking the 7/11 lady how she was one time and she quickly said 元気です。 and just moved onto the sale...I think she felt uncomfortable. Mind you, I didn't always thank them - if the service was poor, or they were grumpy about serving a gaijin or something I wouldn't say it.

gesserit Wrote:Seems like a very long list but I know by experience that the cases where one can doubt what to say or even whether or not to say anything at all are pretty much more.

The upper answers are just an approximation. Answers with keigo (23, 39, 40) have most likely mistakes so actually I would ask my japanese friends before actually using them.

Thank you very much! I wish you would comment where you didn't comment, because for example, if attempting to write or read a short story in Japanese, such imaginative scenarios would also have dialogue which could be taken to vary in intended humor or gravitas, etc., but thanks again!

Quote:In 1, 2, 3, 5, 24, 25, 26, 28 I wouldnt say anything at all.

No smile, nod of the head or anything? Treat the clerk like a vending machine that just dropped an item for you? (Not trying to insinuate anything, it just seems quite curious and unfamiliar, and I'd like to be certain of this)

SendaiDan Wrote:Though I do remember asking the 7/11 lady how she was one time and she quickly said 元気です。 and just moved onto the sale...I think she felt uncomfortable. Mind you, I didn't always thank them - if the service was poor, or they were grumpy about serving a gaijin or something I wouldn't say it.

Weird thing is, I'm an American, and it kind of bothers me who people say "How you doing?" Because come on, you don't really care at all! And that's totally fine! So just to be a little impish about it, I usually respond with "Hi!" or "Hello!" instead of "Good! And you?"...

But just "元気です" ... the discomfort and violation of norms is palpable!

SendaiDan Wrote:they were grumpy about serving a gaijin

What?! What store was this? They were "grumpy"? Just because you were a gaijin? Has this happened a number of times?

TheTrueBlue Wrote:Weird thing is, I'm an American, and it kind of bothers me who people say "How you doing?" Because come on, you don't really care at all! And that's totally fine! So just to be a little impish about it, I usually respond with "Hi!" or "Hello!" instead of answering...

But just "元気です" ... the discomfort and violation of norms is palpable!

Same here, though I'm not American. But it is more a way of acknowledging the other person right, rather than actually caring whether they are in a good mood or not :-)

I always saw Japanese customers go up to the counter and dump their stuff down, while the shop assistant went through their little spiel that they know off by heart "いらっしゃいませ！　１点、２点でございます。８００円になります。１０００円をお預かりします。Blah blah blah ありがとうございました。どうぞごゆっくり召し上がりませ！”　type thing. And throughout the whole process the customer wouldn't say anything. Actually come to think of, because everything that the staff say is so scripted, when you say something out of the norm you defintely through a spanner in the works.

SendaiDan Wrote:they were grumpy about serving a gaijin

What?! What store was this? They were "grumpy"? Just because you were a gaijin? Has this happened a number of times?

SendaiDan Wrote:always saw Japanese customers go up to the counter and dump their stuff down, while the shop assistant went through their little spiel that they know off by heart "いらっしゃいませ！　１点、２点でございます。８００円になります。１０００円をお預かりします。Blah blah blah ありがとうございました。どうぞごゆっくり召し上がりませ！”　type thing. And throughout the whole process the customer wouldn't say anything. Actually come to think of, because everything that the staff say is so scripted, when you say something out of the norm you defintely through a spanner in the works.

Quick question: You pick up your bag of items, get your receipt and change - Before you walk out of the store, do you say anything at all? Or does the cashier who packed your items get the vending machine treatment, and the norm is to simply walk out without acknowledging the person saying pleasantries to you.

Just as a cultural inquiry, do workers/cashiers always say it in a transparently fake-cheerful/robotic way? Or have you heard on occasion what sounded like actual gratitude or warmth in being glad a customer is patronizing their store? Not to regular customers, or friends outside of business, but say in a big city where the customer and clerk are anonymous and will never meet or remember one another again, and that it's not that the clerk just got good news on the phone or anything...

In other words, is the notion then, that to put even a small amount of genuine emotion into such a routine or impersonal transaction simply inappropriate?

I could see a family-owned business in need of customers where the clerk who also happens to be the owner would sincerely say 毎度！Or is even that incorrect, that even in that situation the owner of the struggling business himself would be seen as bizarre for expressing such emotion to anonymous customers?

Yeah a couple of times it was because I was a gaijin. I was on a university trip to Kyoto and we went to a 笑笑 izakaya. The bar was pretty much empty but we were tucked right up the back in some room off behind the toilets. Our sensei was with as at the time and she was really really offended by the way we were treated. She even had a go at the staff about it (I love this sensei btw - so awesome).

Well if they ask you if you want a bag, or you ask them to put it in a bag etc then you get to talk to them :-P And when they finished I always said ありがとうございます. But there wasn't any actual customer-staff interaction. There is no rule saying you can't speak to them but by the time I got to the end of my stay, I had become so adjusted to the 'Japanese lifestyle' that I just did what they did. In Western countries staff are trained to make customers feel important, which is usually done through small talk etc etc. But speaking from my time in Japan I didn't really experience this. Of course I'm not talking about 100% of places, because sometimes the staff asked me what country I was from, or if I was a ryuugakusei and where I studied (which was nice!).

My example is referring to Mr Donut. As much as I love that place, the fakeness of the staff use to pi$$ me off so much, especially if I was having a bad day :-P

Jarvik7 Wrote:For things that are a really big deal (life saved etc), a spoken thank you is insufficient. You have developed 恩. [...] You must also speak in keigo from then on.

...man, talk about a fate worse than death :-)

SendaiDan Wrote:The other thing that surprised me was that customers never asked staff how they are and vice versa. Obviously this is because they don't know the other person personally, and so it would be considered rude to ask, but in Western culture it is would be considered rude if you didn't.

Maybe that's normal in America, but nobody does that here in the UK. That's not a Western norm at all. Staff might ask customers how they are here, but not the other way around, that's just weird.

I agree with the above poster. I never ask how a staff member's day is going. I don't think anyone does in Australia. I also personally find it really annoying when staff start pretending to be your buddy just because they've been instructed to as a sales technique.

^^
Can say the same for Australia, you might subconsciously slip in a "how's it going?", but you don't generally ask a stranger how they are.

thecite Wrote:^^
Can say the same for Australia, you might subconsciously slip in a "how's it going?", but you don't generally ask a stranger how they are.

So that's why when I worked at a major department store in Australia, customers would ask me how I was...oh I get it.

nadiatims Wrote:I agree with the above poster. I never ask how a staff member's day is going. I don't think anyone does in Australia. I also personally find it really annoying when staff start pretending to be your buddy just because they've been instructed to as a sales technique.

I agree, I hate that too. Especially when you go into somewhere like Jeanswest, Jay Jays, anywhere that sells Billabong/Ripcurl/Quiksilver. I must be the only one in Australia then who puts my milk and vegetables on the counter at the Woolies express counter and says to the person 'Hi How are you?' or in reply 'Good thanks, and you?'. Shame really, seems I have manners...

Anyway this is getting way off topic.

Thanks for the sarcasm; what state was that? I certainly don't hear it very often.

Edit: On reflection, I do say 'how's it going?' to strangers quite often

thecite Wrote:Thanks for the sarcasm; what state was that? I certainly don't hear it very often.

Edit: On reflection, I do say 'how's it going?' to strangers quite often

Ahh yeah sorry about that...I'm talking about Queensland. Maybe we are just friendlier or something, I don't know.

Well I'm in SA, but meh, I don't know, I don't talk with strangers all too often and I hate shops, not the best person to ask

TheTrueBlue Wrote:Quick question: You pick up your bag of items, get your receipt and change - Before you walk out of the store, do you say anything at all? Or does the cashier who packed your items get the vending machine treatment, and the norm is to simply walk out without acknowledging the person saying pleasantries to you.

I usually say thanks when they give me the receipt and change.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:Just as a cultural inquiry, do workers/cashiers always say it in a transparently fake-cheerful/robotic way? Or have you heard on occasion what sounded like actual gratitude or warmth in being glad a customer is patronizing their store? Not to regular customers, or friends outside of business, but say in a big city where the customer and clerk are anonymous and will never meet or remember one another again, and that it's not that the clerk just got good news on the phone or anything...

In other words, is the notion then, that to put even a small amount of genuine emotion into such a routine or impersonal transaction simply inappropriate?

From experience I'd say that working as a cashier is a boring repetitive job. Feeling genuinely happy that another customer has come along so you get to scan more items again is a bit unlikely...

Maybe if you work somewhere that sells expensive stuff with a low number of sales per day, eg jewellery, cars, you'd feel more genuinely grateful when someone buys something. In that case though you probably also spend more time actively discussing the purchase with the customer not just waiting behind the till.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:In other words, is the notion then, that to put even a small amount of genuine emotion into such a routine or impersonal transaction simply inappropriate?

Putting genuine emotion in is not inappropriate but surely it's just more a case of how the cashier feels? If you're thinking about whether to say something with emotion or not then it's not genuine.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:I could see a family-owned business in need of customers where the clerk who also happens to be the owner would sincerely say 毎度！Or is even that incorrect, that even in that situation the owner of the struggling business himself would be seen as bizarre for expressing such emotion to anonymous customers?

If it's a family-owned business I expect you'd feel a more personal connection to the customers. I don't see that expressing that would be bizarre.

Jarvik7 Wrote:No one really says サンキュウ except kids and maybe ギャル. I cannot recall the last time I heard it.

Heard it today in when i held the door i walked through for 2 seconds for someone. Probably only said it because I was white tho... so I guess I don't get bonus points for that.