So I'm pretty messed over with fever and then there's the earthquake. You can imagine I'm having a pretty bad few days. Then I decide to clean out my DVD player a bit.

First, never watch:

"Swept Away"
Basically, prior to the island it's all ok, but after that it gets pretty horrific in terms of content. I don't want to say what I was thinking as he chased her down the beach, but the whole film messed with my brain, seriously...

"Battlefield Earth"
So, it's the worst film in history apparently. You know when the cave men started flying Harrier Jets then I was a little like "ummm... eh?" There was quite a bit of ok footage in the middle, but the end and the start were irredeemable.

Anything else to avoid folks?

P.s., Voicing acting in both was actually pretty good.

Just about to watch Narnia: Prince Caspian. by the way. Hopefully, this is better.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fil..._the_worst (Lol, I've seen half.)

The Peacemaker
Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Minority Report

My wife and I also thought Citizen Kane was boring as sin, though I might get flamed for saying that.

Prince Caspian was bearable, though Ben Barnes' Inigo Montoya impersonation was a bit obnoxious. Luckily he toned it down for the third movie.

Cranks Wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fil..._the_worst (Lol, I've seen half.)

that list is stupid! Many of those films are of the category "so bad they're actually fun to watch" - Plan 9, Howard the Duck, Garbage Pail Kids, Troll 2 - all perfectly watchable.

Also how is Freddy Got Fingered on there? It's hilarious, mainly because it's so ridiculously OTT.

I had a B-movie club in college, where we generally just tried to show the worst movies possible on a big screen in one of the campus halls (and if possible get as many people on campus who didn't understand the club to come, thinking it was just a regular film showing). The rule was that none of us could watch the movie before we showed it on the big screen. We had to go by the description. That list on wikipedia has nothing on some of what we found.

A lot of them were amazing though, such as the following:

Denise Richards' first real movie is called Tammy and the T-Rex, and her boyfriend's brain gets put in a mechanical dinosaur body. He does a miming bit as the dinosaur to show her that he's her boyfriend--it's amazing!

There's a movie called Chatterbox... about a talking vagina. Great concept, great name, and a great fortune cookie quote.

C.H.U.D. -- Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. I met a guy who played many of the monsters in the movie. There's so many scenes that don't make sense, and if you watch the director's commentary it's hilarious--they know that they don't make any sense. Like, there's a scene where someone eats a quarter out of a payphone for no reason.

Cool as Ice -- The Vanilla Ice movie.

Dolemite -- Amazing blacksploitation version of Faust.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter -- Can be understood by the name. My friends did the theme song at an open mic night as a band. We did a long serious intro about how important Jesus is, and then broke into the song about Jesus killing vampires with the chorus and title "Everybody Gets Laid Tonight." We used it as a lead in to Donovan's "Atlantis."


And so on... But some of them were truly unwatchable.

Body Melt is universally remembered as the worst the club ever did. A drug company is selling a drug that causes people's bodies to melt.

We had high hopes for Barn of the Blood Llama, a movie about llamas killing menstruating women, but it was completely awful.

(and yeah, Freddy Got Fingered is a great movie)

Anything by Daikichi Amano.

Second mention goes to Titanic. Boooring.

Talking about B movies, a franchise to avoid is "the Puppet Master". Except for vol. 1 and 9, the rest are really the most useless movies I've ever seen (and I like B movies).
Frankenhooker and the Gate are true masterpieces in comparison.

Also avoid Uwe Boll's "Stoic".
I've downloaded "Alone in the dark", but I haven't watched it yet.

EratiK Wrote:Also avoid Uwe Boll's "Stoic".
I've downloaded "Alone in the dark", but I haven't watched it yet.

According to TV Tropes, all of Uwe Boll's films should be avoided (the site no longer even has an article about him, apparently the admin removed it for being too denigrating), with the possible exception of "Postal", if you happen to enjoy black comedy.

JimmySeal Wrote:The Peacemaker
Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Minority Report

My wife and I also thought Citizen Kane was boring as sin, though I might get flamed for saying that.

Citizen Kane is a masterpiece, Episode I and III are highly enjoyable (II was lackluster though), and Minority Report was also a great action movie with a highly original concept (rare in Sci-Fi films these days). You suck

I can remember renting Battlefield Earth when I was 12 or so, thinking it looked cool....I was deeply disappointed. After 10 minutes I thought I was watching some cheap, crappy, made-for-TV movie and gave up out of boredom.

Amusing review of the film:

vonPeterhof Wrote:According to TV Tropes, all of Uwe Boll's films should be avoided (the site no longer even has an article about him, apparently the admin removed it for being too denigrating), with the possible exception of "Postal", if you happen to enjoy black comedy.

I think that might be a little too harsh: his old movies (in German) gained fandom for a reason. As a director he is great, but maybe not as a screenwriter (Stoic's main problem).
But since I have nothing to back this up, I'm DLing "House of the Dead", "Seed", "Bloodrayne", "In the name of the king", so I'll let you know.

thecite Wrote:Citizen Kane is a masterpiece,

Are you saying this based on its actual enjoyability, or based on its reputation? The filming techniques may have been revolutionary for their time but they're old hat now, and the plot is boring as sin, by any standard.

Quote:Minority Report was also a great action movie with a highly original concept (rare in Sci-Fi films these days).

Can it really be called a "highly original concept" if that concept was taken from a book written 48 years before the movie was made?

Star Wars, I'm just not going to go there.

Quote:You suck

Umm...ok... So do you...

Suit yourself, but I think that it well and truly lives up to its reputation, both in technical mastery and enjoyability. The plot is anything but boring.

Minority Report is original in comparison to most of the re-hashed crap pushed out in Sci-Fi films today.

Anyway, the reason I jokingly said 'you suck', is because you isolated a group of mostly stellar films in a thread on bottom of the barrel flops.

Teletubbies
I don't know why, but they freak me out!

America's Funniest Home Videos
The Darwin Awards in prime example. Goggle the term if you're unfamiliar with it. Its also the title of a great movie.

eXistenZ
Philosophically, its mildly interesting, though this film is a severe mind trip that should be avoided.

Reign of Fire
The film was such a disappointment that I rag on it every chance I get.

Dragon Wars
Another really bad movie about dragons.

2 Fast 2 Furious
The first one was decent, but there is no excuse for this sequel or any of the others.

Cast Away
A movie about a guy and his ball, a volleyball, in that oh too common struggle to survive alone on a deserted island, conquering nature while conversing with said volleyball.

Bruce Almighty
Morgan Freeman was the only redeeming element in this movie.

Cabin Fever, Switchblade Romance, Mimic, Dracula II: Ascension, Hostel, Saw, High Tension, White Noise
Just bad horror movies.

Josie and the Pussycats, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, I Heart Huckabees, Me, Myself & Irene, Dude, Where's My Car?, The Postman
Movies that should be considered horror movies, because its horrifying to believe they actually got funding.

Reign of Fire, 2 fast 2 furious, Cast away, Hostel, the Postman, I concur.
Haven't seen all the others.

But eXistenZ is great (for all the gamers out there) -- agreed, it's pretty bucked up, but if you like this sort of thing, it's a masterpiece (cf Naked Lunch, also by Kronenberg -- and don't worry it has almost nothing to do with the book).

EratiK Wrote:I think that might be a little too harsh: his old movies (in German) gained fandom for a reason. As a director he is great, but maybe not as a screenwriter (Stoic AND SEED's main problem).
But since I have nothing to back this up, I'm DLing "House of the Dead", "Seed", "Bloodrayne", "In the name of the king", so I'll let you know.

So I've watched this four, plus "Alone in the dark", and I liked them, except Seed.
What is interesting is that the guy makes uber-B movies, I had never seen anything like it. The case of Alone in the dark is especially relevant: the acting (even Tara Reid) wasn't especially bad, nor were the special effects. Ok, the movie has nothing to do with the video game, but still, that shouldn't be important. The Resident evil movies are far worse imo. In the name of the king can even be called an A movie. House of the dead is pure B, I really laughed. Always beware of prejudice.

Plus a B video I've just discovered:

EDIT:
So far, the following Uwe Boll's can be avoided:
Seed, Stoic, BloodRayne 2.

Battlefield Earth is an adaptation of an L Ron Hubbard book, and no doubt starring John Travolta so...

Son of the Mask was on UK TV yesterday. Left it on cos i was surfing the net and not really paying attention, but wow what a stinker.

Some awful guy doing an embarrassing Jim Carey impression, plot made no sense, jokes weren't funny, had a freaky CGI baby, it was utterly un-watchable! It obviously cost alot to make, as the SFX were decent, so it's definitely the worst high budget film I've ever seen (but then I haven't seen Battlefield Earth).

EDIT: According to IMDB, Son of Mask cost $84m to make, but only made back $17m and is rated average of 2stars. Battlefield earth cost $44m and made back $22m, also has higher average rating - so this film is officially worse than Battlefield Earth..

JimmySeal Wrote:

thecite Wrote:Citizen Kane is a masterpiece,

Are you saying this based on its actual enjoyability, or based on its reputation? The filming techniques may have been revolutionary for their time but they're old hat now, and the plot is boring as sin, by any standard.

I think it's quite good myself. If you can overlook the "BEST MOVIE EVER" reputation and not try to consider it on those grounds, it's worth watching. It's a well written tragedy.

As for Star Wars 1-3; I found them watchable, but not as good as the originals. I've definitely seen movies much worse.