So I my girlfriend and I are moving in together soon in Japan. I want to practice Japanese, but I also want her to improve her English. So, my question is how can we accomplish this. Speak only Japanese every other day and exclusively English the other days? I'd love to hear from someone who has tackled this problem with their Japanese spouse/ partner/ gf/ bf/ roommate.

I'm a little different, because while I'd like her to improve her English, she doesn't really care. I've still not had a conversation with her in English.

I think you guys are going to find that one of you will get lazy -- you'll speak the language of whoever has a harder time with speaking the other language. So, if you suck at Japanese, and she's awesome at English, you'll probably end up speaking English.
Or you'll find some sort of weird mix between you two that is incomprehensible to others

If you both want to improve, then yeah, find practice time for the both of you. But if it doesn't work out, I'd say don't sweat it. It's the path of least resistance, etc... Maybe you guys should speak English, since you're in Japan and there's Japanese people all over the place to talk to.

Strangely, me and my g/f spoke a lot of Japanese on Skype when we first met, but now we only speak English. Both our personalities and voices seem pretty different in Japanese, so it's kind of weird switching to it now. She has a good English accent, can use slang and idioms naturally, hardly ever makes a mistake and get all my jokes, so it's been best for our relationship to just stick with it. I don't know how these people who are both a lower-intermediate sort of level can claim to be in a serious relationship.

Anyway, I'd like to get comfortable using Japanese with her again, even if we don't use it regularly. I'm starting to wonder how I'd deal with meeting her family or something like that. Let me know if you work anything out

I end up using a 50:50 mix online and mostly Japanese in real life other I'd have to repeat myself over and over (maybe it's my British accent). I'm hoping that if she comes over here to live in the UK, she'll find people other than me to practice her English with, but she's shy and pretty untalkative so I'm not sure how that's going to pan out. She doesn't seem to be taking a proactive approach to practising English as it is in Japan. I guess it's her responsibility in the end...

For some reason online she hardly seems to converse which bugs me, but I put up with it on account of us getting along great in real life.

Interesting. We speak mostly English on skype/ e-mails because I've only been studying Japanese for 11 months. Or I'll ask questions in Japanese and she'll answer in English. You know how that goes.

I like the idea of only speaking English at home (in Japan). Because I can speak Japanese the rest of the day when we are at work/ out in the city. I'm moving out there a month from today. It's tough though, because I'd love to get good at conversing with her in Japanese, I guess it's a selfish desire to show off

My dad only speaks Japanese with his wife. I think it's just natural to default to the easier language. I don't want to constantly feel like I'm being tested when talking to my girlfriend I'd probably get bored of her quickly, but to be honest I usually get bored anyways.

I ask her to correct my Japanese at any opportunity but she rarely does, and probably not due to my Japanese being flawless. :{

I'm certainly going to speak only Japanese at home when I have kids if I live I'm living in an English speaking country, English if living in Japan - who's with me?

Absolutely. I would kill to have been born into an environment like that. Bilingual from birth. One of my buddies and his wife plan to only speak French at home (living in America) when they have kids. I love the idea

She probably doesn't correct your english because she's worried it will be rude. You have to insist they correct you, not just say "aww, かわいい日本語ですよ！”

Javizy Wrote:I don't know how these people who are both a lower-intermediate sort of level can claim to be in a serious relationship.

I've always wondered that myself but never wanted to offend anyone but saying such :x

perhaps, but the language of love can take you a long way. She spoke quite choppy English at first, but now nearly a year later, her vocab and ease of conversing is really impressive. But, she got a textbook and actually studies. Plus we talk/ e-mail constantly.

eubankp Wrote:Absolutely. I would kill to have been born into an environment like that. Bilingual from birth. One of my buddies and his wife plan to only speak French at home (living in America) when they have kids. I love the idea

She probably doesn't correct your english because she's worried it will be rude. You have to insist they correct you, not just say "aww, かわいい日本語ですよ！”

On the other hand I throw in archaic expressions like おするるに足らずよ she doesn't hesitate to complain.

dizmox Wrote:

eubankp Wrote:She probably doesn't correct your english because she's worried it will be rude. You have to insist they correct you, not just say "aww, かわいい日本語ですよ！”

On the other hand I throw in archaic expressions like おするるに足らずよ she doesn't hesitate to complain.

Since we're on the topic of correcting people, I think you mean おそるるに足らず

Err, yeah. I got it right before. Clumsy typing on my part

If one person is far better then the other at the foreign language, a couple will naturally start using that language.

I dated a Japanese girl who had mediocre English, and I had mediocre Japanese, and I thought that was perfect. That way we used both of them pretty regularly, and if something didn't get across well we'd just try the other. Though, there were lots of lazy days where she just spoke Japanese and I just spoke English. We probably sounded like weirdos.

eubankp Wrote:So I my girlfriend and I are moving in together soon in Japan. I want to practice Japanese, but I also want her to improve her English. So, my question is how can we accomplish this.

You can use each other to practise, but forget about teaching or learning from each other; it's best to keep that completely separate. Trust me on this, correcting your partners speaking gets old and irritating *really* fast.

Javizy Wrote:I don't know how these people who are both a lower-intermediate sort of level can claim to be in a serious relationship.

Hmm, I'm in this situtation - live with my Taiwanese girlfriend, her English is intermediate, my Chinese level is zero. You know what? It just works. We can discuss regular things just fine, more advanced topics aren't an issue as I don't tend to have discussions about politics or techy geek stuff with my girlfriends anyway. I guess I use some big words or confusing idioms, but it's not an issue as she can guess what I mean from context, and if not she can ask me to clarify.

To be honest how is it different to going out with a girl who's really shy and hardly talks? Can you never be in a serious relationship with a shy girl, as they find it hard to express themselves? When it comes to love, actions often speak louder than words.

Usually, in a relationship, one language takes over the other. I know a lot of bilingual/bicultural couples (exogamous), and all -- without exception -- only use one language on a regular basis. I suppose it's usually determined by the person most eager to learn the other language. In fact, you can't make your gf/spouse want to learn or practice, it needs to come from her, and only then will she start using English with you. In some of the couples I know, one of the spouses does find it slightly annoying. I'm not sure what to say about that.

My wife learned French (my first language), but we use English together, probably because I was the more eager learner of the two. Still, we sometimes use French -- and she hears French all the time when I speak to the kids -- but only occasionally. In any case, while her French is not perfect, she has no problem communicating or understanding, so it's not an issue at all. Whenever I feel like talking French, I do, and it's not an issue either.

Nevertheless, the couple is not the main source for learning a language. It can be a place to practice or put to use what you've learned, but the learning must take place in other spheres of your life. Don't let a seemingly unfair linguistic situation in the couple poison the relationship.

AlexandreC Wrote:Nevertheless, the couple is not the main source for learning a language. It can be a place to practice or put to use what you've learned, but the learning must take place in other spheres of your life. Don't let a seemingly unfair linguistic situation in the couple poison the relationship.

I agree that actively trying to learn (corrections, "sessions" of speaking language X or even normal lessons) from your partner is impractical and just plain weird.
But that practice you're talking about is a huge factor during study. You repeat basic stuff (things that you know) so much that it becomes second nature and so you can focus only on harder & new things that quickly join the ranks of other basic stuff you "drilled" unconsciously. I'd definitely call that learning.

thurd Wrote:I agree that actively trying to learn (corrections, "sessions" of speaking language X or even normal lessons) from your partner is impractical and just plain weird.

My wife is Chinese, and that sums up language in our relationship pretty well. We only use English, and the English words we use often have taken on specific meanings. To switch to another language--especially one that one of us does not know well--would introduce ambiguities and make communication difficult. Definitely not a good thing in a relationship. I do occasionally ask her about hanzi or vocab meanings, and she's a great resource for that. But I have yet to have a "normal" Chinese conversation with her.

We're both language learning nerds, but that's the one thing we have to go outside of our marriage to get (classes, tutors, language exchange).

Maybe each one of you could speak in their own native language. And especially if you get kids later, they'll definitely learn both languages because both are spoken in the house, in contrast to if only one language was being spoken all the time.

dizmox Wrote:I ask her to correct my Japanese at any opportunity but she rarely does, and probably not due to my Japanese being flawless. :{

I think this might be more that what she considers a mistake and not are different from what you want done. I have a Japanese girl friend that I knew from high school and ran into again months ago. I lazily speak English to her now mostly, but she was looking for friends from past schools to speak English with and get her skills back, so I guess it worked out for her. From my side, I only tend to correct her English when something is grossly wrong or falls into typical English learner mistake (ex: "it's always US's business is creative and new, it makes the 民間　easier to make them invest into companies." me: "that are creative and new*"), most of the time what she says is right and on the occasion something strange but clearly understandable comes out. I think what you want is to have the "strange but understandable" corrected as well instead of just "blatant mistakes." You'll have to tell her to correct those as well, but I think the big problem might be if you make lots of those. In which case she'll be correcting more often than communicating, and suddenly a a conversation will seem more taxing. Remember that language's only purpose is to communicate information and have it understood, it doesn't need need to be "perfect" to accomplish that.

SheekuAltair Wrote:Maybe each one of you could speak in their own native language. And especially if you get kids later, they'll definitely learn both languages because both are spoken in the house, in contrast to if only one language was being spoken all the time.

Even if both parents speak their own language to the kids -- and they'd be stupid not to -- it still doesn't change anything to the linguistic dynamic between the two of them. They will likely continue to use the same language they were speaking to eachother before. The only exception being when parents and kids are all talking together where the one parent will speak their own language and the other may alternate between his language and possibly the one used with the other partner.