2 random-ish questions

1) Is domestic violence really bad here in Japan? I ask this because I feel like I've heard it from a few different people now. I recall hearing from a friend here who heard from a girl that its a major problem, and I heard that its a common practice for b/f's to hit their g/f's here (wtf?). Then someone noted that the see's self-help books in the front of book stores all the time about dealing with domestic violence and abusive relationships here. So is it actually a huge issue here?

2) I once thought that a major problem with the marriage scene here was women's expectations in the guys she wants, or the desire for independence. But after being here for 8 months and watching a friend try and go out with a girl here, it seems more like the major problem is that no one wants to do anything outside a group. On top of that, everyone is always busy here and nothing can be done on the fly. And its hard to meet people. Which all this put together makes for a nice mess in the interpersonal relationship arena. Anyone know of any good japanese books looking at the [interpersonal relationship] issue? Do they call this "area" of study 人間関係？

Thanks

1) Not any more of a problem than anywhere else where it's illegal.

2) The biggest problem with dating past 3rd year university is finding enough time to meet (assuming one of the persons is a 正社員 or job hunting for such a position). I've never heard of the "group problem" with dating, unless the girl isn't actually serious about dating and just wants a foreign toy / free English lessons, or if she just wants to be friends and the guy doesn't get it (very common).

The biggest problem post-marriage is that there is enormous pressure to pop out a kid right away (there is some strange belief that if you don't give birth before age 30 the kid will almost certainly be disabled). Japanese marriages focus on the youngest member of the family, which often ends up with the couple no longer seeing each other as lovers or sex partners. Children normally sleep in the same room as their parents until they are as old as upper elementary age. It also isn't uncommon to have a three generational household in the more rural areas. It also isn't uncommon for wife and husband to sleep in separate ROOMS (my host family was like this).

This leads to sexual frustration, resentment, and affairs. (google for sexless marriage) It is basically expected that husbands will start to cheat after a few years. Divorce isn't as common here as in the west (there is a huge stigma to being "batsu-ichi") and is very hard to do if there isn't mutual agreement on property division, so in the end it just ends up as a bunch of people who barely tolerate and possibly even hate each other. Japanese people have the least sex in the world on average (46x per year vs ~115x for America iirc), and that is the cause. (Too busy for sex + it is creepy to have sex with your husband/wife because they are a parent of your child + not enough privacy for sex) A married couple that is actually in love with each other is treated as something spectacular in the media.

Of course, all of that is about Japanese - Japanese marriages. Interracial marriages are different because the kinds of Japanese people who seek relationships with foreigners are usually those who are sick of normal Japanese life.

All the reading I've done on the subject was through academic journals when I studied in Osaka, so I can't recommend any books on the subject.

I can struggle through academic articles if I can get them at the university here. Any really good ones to [try to] read?

The last half of what you said, I remember hearing somewhere.

I don't know if the group problem is new or not. Theres always the foreign toy thing you have to watch for and I suspect that in 50% of the cases, that it might be whats happening, but I've talked with a lot of Japanese guys here and they say similar things about going out as groups. Apparently they say the common is to go out as a group and then split up into 二人. But then you have stuff where you can't have lunch with anyone unless there's more than 2 people. So an exchange of messages might go like "Hey let's have lunch together, the 2 of us." "Sure, I'll invite my friend, you should invite someone too" It's possible its like you say, and no one is interested, but Japanese guys say the same thing. Not only that but I find it amusing that every guy I tend to talk with for a while, at some point mentions something like 「運がいい、日本女は外国人の彼氏欲しい！」 but if you ever actually try and do it, you'll tend to be met with the opposite. Oh well, I think its all kind of amusing.

Thanks

The group thing only really happens when you first meet people. If it's still happening months later then the relationship is a sham. Meeting in a group is a way to ensure safety (for her) and to avoid intimacy. That makes sense for the first couple dates, but not later on.

The articles I read were dead trees which I had to throw away due to lack of suitcase space, so sadly I can't link you to them.

To add to the answer to the first question, I looked through a few articles and found this
http://ajph.aphapublications.org/cgi/con...l/97/2/232

That research was carried out in Yokohama but judging from other (non-public) articles I skimmed through the results seem to be typical for what's shown up in research in Japan overall - another article while citing this one mentioned also that it's at about the same level as most Western countries. The main issue about DV in Japan seems to be the legal system's handling of it and how it's treated culturally; Japan is hardly the only one with this problem, but the victim is often blamed/made to feel shame.

Since so much (most?) of the research done in Japan is written down in English you can find a lot just by searching on "domestic violence Japan" with whatever search engine your uni has for research papers.