That's funny...here I thought Asriel was a girl this whole time.
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thegeelonghellswan Wrote:What is so insane about wanting to move in with someone or talk about having kids? First night, fair enough

There's nothing inherently insane about the topic itself but first night - moving in together + kids? = insane... Women don't realise they get dumped a lot for bringing this up too early. This post is a prime example. If you've been in a relationship for a long time it can be a real deal-maker when the time is right to talk about those sort of things but it's a real deal-breaker when it's too early or in this case way, way, way too early.

Thora Wrote:That's funny...here I thought Asriel was a girl this whole time.

Well now, what ever gave you that idea?

Asriel Wrote:

Thora Wrote:That's funny...here I thought Asriel was a girl this whole time.

Well now, what ever gave you that idea?

Asriel the littlest mermaid?

I guess I never realized the similarities between "Asriel" and "Ariel"

I took Asriel from "Lord Asriel" from "His Dark Materials" (book series) years ago. Because he reminded me of General Baal from "Grandia" (videogame).
Since then, I've just held onto the name...

mezbup Wrote:Women don't realise they get dumped a lot for bringing this up too early.

newsflash - men do it too. Sometimes as part of a sinister seduction plot, sometimes because the initial infatuation period is just that intoxicating, and sometimes because they're at that stage. And sometimes women toss it out to make the man feel desired - safe in the knowledge he won't take her up on it. And some men like that feeling. And...

sigh

Thora Wrote:

mezbup Wrote:Women don't realise they get dumped a lot for bringing this up too early.

newsflash - men do it too.

I've never known a western (or Japanese) man to do that, but it's apparently very common with Chinese men. Many Chinese guys I know have their social networking/IM profile pic as some random baby (of no relation), in an attempt to lure in women. It's kind of creepy. Then again, so is ナンパ.

Guys don't need to get scared off by women bringing up kids and marriage early. My girlfriend said she wanted to marry me during the first week we were dating (and she was only 19). You just have to talk about it to make sure you're on the same page and have the same expectations. She wants to marry me, but not RIGHT NOW - just one day.

My ex, on the other hand, wanted kids ASAP and wouldn't take no for an answer, financial & career situation be damned. That was when it was time to end it.

Do you date many Western (or Japanese) men, J7? (btw - I understood mezbup was talking about hints about living together, marriage, making future" beautiful babies together", not just babies.)

How would a picture of a baby attract women? Wouldn't that suggest they're husbands and fathers?

It feels sort of weird typing about this stuff. I wasn't aware it was a common thing on the internet tbh.

Thora Wrote:newsflash - men do it too. Sometimes as part of a sinister seduction plot, sometimes because the initial infatuation period is just that intoxicating, and sometimes because they're at that stage. And sometimes women toss it out to make the man feel desired - safe in the knowledge he won't take her up on it. And some men like that feeling. And...

sigh

I'm absolutely terrible about jumping into something on fire, then growing emotionally distant and cold as months and/or years pass...And I've also been on the other side of the exact same. Making friends-check, Getting dates-check, Letting the chemistry allow the situation to progress naturally-check, Staying emotionally intimate for the long haul-eh...not so good.

i guess your neurophilosophy hasn't come up with any practical solutions for that yet?

lol I'm not convinced at all that we're wired for it anymore... I think serial monogamy may be as good as it gets

Thora Wrote:Do you date many Western (or Japanese) men, J7? (btw - I understood mezbup was talking about hints about living together, marriage, making future" beautiful babies together", not just babies.)

No, but men do talk about their relationships a lot too (particularly when drinking), so I have some insight (though perhaps not as much as someone who has been on the receiving end of it). Guys will talk about marriage/being serious in order to get a woman into bed (particularly if the woman is conservative and they have been dating for awhile without getting intimate), but from what I gather that is mostly just to keep a relationship going when the woman gets uncertain about his intentions.

Quote:How would a picture of a baby attract women? Wouldn't that suggest they're husbands and fathers?

While I don't completely understand it, I think they are trying to show that they like children/have a paternal instinct. If you act soon he will inseminate you, while supplies last! I suppose it's more respectable than just flashing wads of cash and Louis Vuitton man-bags though..

thegeelonghellswan Wrote:

kendo99 Wrote:Look, I wouldn't get myself into a situation like that. But, I did do stupid stuff when I was younger and sometimes you have to go into save-your-ass mode. In the long run, more damage is done if he loses his job, than if she changes Eikawa's and gets dumped. I don't feel particularly sympathetic for him, but I also know that people make really stupid mistakes, get into dangerous relationships, and need to get out of them while minimizing damage.
My suggestion may seem bastardly, but really, the bastard deed was taking this girl to bed to begin with when he wasn't at all on the same wavelength as her. And that's ok. We learn from our stupid mistakes, it is how we form genuine relationships when we are older.

I wasn't calling you a bastard, I think your advice is bad, but the TS is the bastard, and he probably isn't a bastard, that's just me being harsh.

Weasling your way out of something isn't a learning experience. Man-ing up and copping the fall out is a learning experience IMO.

To be honest from a self interest perspective, I have no qualms about being dishonest to get out of an uncomfortable situation, some people are illogical and if you cant explain to them that it is too quick to talk about marriage and children on the first date, or first night *******, then honestly, do what you can do and get out of the situation. I know the women in the room might say oh what a bastard yonosa is, but the fact is look on women's forums over the internet, their advice for fellow women is usually rather sadistic when it comes to relationships. Sadistic is bit strong maybe but go read that stuff and you'll get the idea. Women tend to relate to each other over a man when it comes to looking at relationships, which is understandable and since most of them don't have experience dating women, they can't really relate imo. Just like I can't relate to dating men.

Yonosa, I don't really have qualms about the dishonesty so much, although in retro-spect it makes a lousy situation lousier. But, as others have pointed out, you would possibly be breaking laws, damaging her reputation, etc for a situation essentially caused by jumping into bed with someone without finding out first what their expectations for the relationship were. And I'm not ragging on the guy. But he's more in the bad than she is here. Probably more from ignorance/not thinking the situation through than harboring any actual malicious intent. But, still... He dated a student, let the relationship get intimate, without making his own expectations/intentions known from the start. It's a learning experience. I had a bunch of them in my teens and early twenties. So, I can't really stand by the stuff I typed earlier without giving any serious thought to what I was saying. It's bad advice, plain and simple, and an honest approach with full acceptance of the consequences is going to be in the poster's best self-interest in the long run. Legally, emotionally and ethically.

Did you at least try to be honest with her? Maybe you're the one with the real emotional issues seeing as you need to lie to her? A little honesty goes a long way here.

And yeah, when the hell did RTK become dating advice for men?

Full Disclosure: Married three times with over a hundred relationships. Taking advice from me is dangerous.

It got worse. Today she wrote

"it seems that you found things not in common between us. but we just begun. you'll see more of me as time goes by. keep dating with me"

coming on as creepy now. i am a bit scared

Nice, pasting her message here for us. We can see how your alleged student-lover's alleged comment, with its imperfect English, really contributes to the creepiness. My sympathy for you has really gone up. Those Asian Women™!

Is this one of the Japanese girls you wanted to date as part of your immersion philosophy? Maybe you can use the same strategy with her as you did when you wanted advice on how not to pay your overdue phone bill.

jacf29 Wrote:"it seems that you found things not in common between us. but we just begun. you'll see more of me as time goes by. keep dating with me"

What I don't get is some foreigners complete lack of understanding of capital letters. Relationships are nothing compared to how someone fails to grasp that. Good luck btw.

/troll

First a thread about dating women and now about dumping them, is there no taboo on this forum? :>

Seriously if you ask about relationshits advice on the internets it generally means you're pretty far on insane scale yourself.

jacf29 Wrote:"it seems that you found things not in common between us. but we just begun. you'll see more of me as time goes by. keep dating with me"

Does this mean she'll give you a whipping on your next date?

Fake your own death, then go back to work posing as your twin brother.

Guaranteed to work.

Nuke "Wilt" Marine! :-)

Thurd Wrote:Seriously if you ask about relationshits advice on the internets it generally means you're pretty far on insane scale yourself.

What about people who respond to relationship advice on the internets? uh oh (nice Freudian slip btw)

lol dude, you built up enough courage to say you're into S&M yet you couldn't simply say "sorry I don't like you". You'd better learn how to say sorry I don't like you otherwise bitches be attaching themselves to yo ass.

I was in a similar situation, but mine wasn't as 'crazy'. I wanted to break it off asap, so I told her that I didn't like her she was upset, but big woop. It wasn't easy, it was probably harder than telling a girl you do like her (something which I still haven't done) but you feel better when you do it because there won't be shit left on the stick, and you'll have clear conscience after it all.

Just imagine one day you're with the girl you actually like in a nice quiet restaurant playing nice jazz music, then you bump into the ex-girl you used for sex, she's pissed off from another break up. She then gets up and says "HEY EVERYONE, HE IS INTO S&M, AND HIS BALLSACKS ARE WEAK". You're gf will either be disgusted (or even more turned on) but in either case you'll have to clean that shit up. So yeah, never leave shit down to be cleaned up for later. Clean it while you can, otherwise it dries, stains, and becomes even harder to get off.

And edit to her response: Looks like you got yourself into some deep shit.

be strong yo~

My apologies for my comments yesterday. I have a chronic pain condition and wasn't entirely lucid when I made those posts. After reading my own personal experiences with women deliberately out to hurt me/destroy my life for revenge into the original post, I gave some pretty awful advice. A few hours sleep later, and in a lot less pain, and I can see what an idiot I made myself out to be. I've deleted the more offensive two replies, but left the rest for posterity. To be honest, I was so embarassed on re-reading this I was tempted to get a new nick and start over, but that would be pretty cowardly. Nothing excuses advising someone to potentially break the law, and or damage someone's reputation, especially not knowing the full scope of the situation. Upon reading the poster's reply where made public a painful, personal message, and reading other replies that imply he's made similarly immature and selfish posts in the past I can see the situation much more clearly. I hope you lose your job, your visa and learn something from this you jackass. If she wants to hurt you after the way you've used her, she has my complete sympathy.

kendo99 whilst your initial posts were a knee-jerk reaction they weren't that bad, it was just a slightly devious solution to the perceived problem.

I also don't think the OP is a bad person, he's just got in over his head and doesn't have the empathy to realise that the situation really isn't that bad at all.

@OP you should take the advice of the only girl to post a reply, Thora. Her advice is by far the most straightforward way to handle this. You are an adult, and you should get used to the idea that you are responsible for your actions. You can resolve this amicably. To be honest there's nothing creepy about the way she's acted. She's a student and can be expected to be emotionally naive, you should know better.