@Ampharos64
I'm very glad your friend is more confident now. And I hope you won't enter the Sisterhood of the "mad-cat-lady" Convent when there's so potentially so much more to life.
As you write Ampharos64, this is a common and malevolent phenomenon, of people using others and then casting them aside. It is reprehensible when one takes and takes from another without concern or giving back. But in my defense, I don't cut these girls off, or tell them to leave me alone. If they want someone to talk to or some help with something and I have the time or resources to oblige, then I try to help them as any decent person would. After all, I had a good time with them, and we were more than friends for a time. Some people don't end their relationships on a good note at all, but I'm grateful that none of mine have ended that way so far.
I didn't take a single penny from those ladies, nor demand or take away extraneous amounts of her time or resources. I had a few dates with them, we were getting into it, then I got a call or remembered I had serious matters that needed attending to and had to leave. Then we just drifted apart. Is that such an unfathomable occurence? And like many guys, I've met girls where nothing of the sort happened, we had a date and then nothing, or she or I was too busy or otherwise engaged.
What if she knew she was just intended as practice for a girl I really hope to find someday? Of course she would probably be extremely offended whether she found out beforehand or afterwards, but again, nothing in life turns out quite exactly the way we plan. Maybe I'll fall in love with one of these girls I intend to only practice or mess around with and it'll end there. But I doubt it and will try diligently to maintain focus on the larger goal.
So I don't think I merit quite the level of dislike that might more properly be reserved for those guys who swear eternal love when they intend nothing and leave a girl pregnant by the curbside with nothing.
@Ice Cream
Haha Ice Cream, I thought you were a guy too. I'm really sorry if those girls were hurt, but doing the dating game is like playing minesweeper in many ways, and most everybody gets hurt or rejected for whatever reason at some point or another.
I do my 100% best to tell the God-honest truth to them, that it's me and my issues, it's not them. But for the most part they're tough city girls who've taken worse and can deal with drifting apart from a guy she went on a few dates with and almost once slept with. It may be unethical and unfair to them on many levels, but as I wrote I place the people closest to me, or those I hope will be closest to me on a far higher level of concern and priority than 他人。
For example, I've discussed with friends what raising kids would be like, or what sorts of financial planning we could anticipate or prepare for 5 or 10 years from now. Those kids of mine don't exist yet, but I care about them and if I can do something to make their life better when they (God willing) do come, then I will.
@Aijin
Every law-abiding adult with no criminal past and an accountable record of paying state taxes should have pepper spray or mace. I get it for my friends on their birthday if they don't have it. Legally in NYC, you're only supposed get 2 at the max, but there's of course ways around that restriction, such as the fact that I don't actually own or possess the ones I get for my friends. E.g. I "lost" the previous ones.
That most people walking around don't have the means to even attempt to repel a possible assault, or robbery, or rape, is non-sensical.
@Kaede
When my family struggled to come here from Communist China, my aunt waited in a line (or more appropriately a gathered mob) for months. She begged and cried and gave bribes for bureaucrats, and shoved and threatened the others there to get closer to the front of the line if necessary. She hurt others and violated the law, for the sake of her younger brother, my dad, and his family to get to come to the U.S.
I respect and honor her actions which caused harm to others because of the reason for which she did it.
I'm not my aunt, and my lovelife isn't immigration, but I would disagree that I treated these girls as less than human. They weren't the person I hope to find and love, and I gave them less priority as a result. Referring back to the example with kids who aren't born yet, would anyone give more priority to other people's kids now, than to your own future child?
Certainly one would be humane and fair to any child, but really? To give strangers the same or more priority than one's own future child? Perhaps there are those who can do this, but I'm not one of them. My own kids come first. Not those of a stranger.
As for guys who maliciously use girls and take all they can get without any concern for her well-being, I loathe them as much as anyone else.
I'm very glad your friend is more confident now. And I hope you won't enter the Sisterhood of the "mad-cat-lady" Convent when there's so potentially so much more to life.
As you write Ampharos64, this is a common and malevolent phenomenon, of people using others and then casting them aside. It is reprehensible when one takes and takes from another without concern or giving back. But in my defense, I don't cut these girls off, or tell them to leave me alone. If they want someone to talk to or some help with something and I have the time or resources to oblige, then I try to help them as any decent person would. After all, I had a good time with them, and we were more than friends for a time. Some people don't end their relationships on a good note at all, but I'm grateful that none of mine have ended that way so far.
I didn't take a single penny from those ladies, nor demand or take away extraneous amounts of her time or resources. I had a few dates with them, we were getting into it, then I got a call or remembered I had serious matters that needed attending to and had to leave. Then we just drifted apart. Is that such an unfathomable occurence? And like many guys, I've met girls where nothing of the sort happened, we had a date and then nothing, or she or I was too busy or otherwise engaged.
What if she knew she was just intended as practice for a girl I really hope to find someday? Of course she would probably be extremely offended whether she found out beforehand or afterwards, but again, nothing in life turns out quite exactly the way we plan. Maybe I'll fall in love with one of these girls I intend to only practice or mess around with and it'll end there. But I doubt it and will try diligently to maintain focus on the larger goal.
So I don't think I merit quite the level of dislike that might more properly be reserved for those guys who swear eternal love when they intend nothing and leave a girl pregnant by the curbside with nothing.
@Ice Cream
Haha Ice Cream, I thought you were a guy too. I'm really sorry if those girls were hurt, but doing the dating game is like playing minesweeper in many ways, and most everybody gets hurt or rejected for whatever reason at some point or another.
I do my 100% best to tell the God-honest truth to them, that it's me and my issues, it's not them. But for the most part they're tough city girls who've taken worse and can deal with drifting apart from a guy she went on a few dates with and almost once slept with. It may be unethical and unfair to them on many levels, but as I wrote I place the people closest to me, or those I hope will be closest to me on a far higher level of concern and priority than 他人。
For example, I've discussed with friends what raising kids would be like, or what sorts of financial planning we could anticipate or prepare for 5 or 10 years from now. Those kids of mine don't exist yet, but I care about them and if I can do something to make their life better when they (God willing) do come, then I will.
@Aijin
Every law-abiding adult with no criminal past and an accountable record of paying state taxes should have pepper spray or mace. I get it for my friends on their birthday if they don't have it. Legally in NYC, you're only supposed get 2 at the max, but there's of course ways around that restriction, such as the fact that I don't actually own or possess the ones I get for my friends. E.g. I "lost" the previous ones.
That most people walking around don't have the means to even attempt to repel a possible assault, or robbery, or rape, is non-sensical.
@Kaede
When my family struggled to come here from Communist China, my aunt waited in a line (or more appropriately a gathered mob) for months. She begged and cried and gave bribes for bureaucrats, and shoved and threatened the others there to get closer to the front of the line if necessary. She hurt others and violated the law, for the sake of her younger brother, my dad, and his family to get to come to the U.S.
I respect and honor her actions which caused harm to others because of the reason for which she did it.
I'm not my aunt, and my lovelife isn't immigration, but I would disagree that I treated these girls as less than human. They weren't the person I hope to find and love, and I gave them less priority as a result. Referring back to the example with kids who aren't born yet, would anyone give more priority to other people's kids now, than to your own future child?
Certainly one would be humane and fair to any child, but really? To give strangers the same or more priority than one's own future child? Perhaps there are those who can do this, but I'm not one of them. My own kids come first. Not those of a stranger.
As for guys who maliciously use girls and take all they can get without any concern for her well-being, I loathe them as much as anyone else.
Edited: 2009-07-16, 7:08 pm
IceCreamちゃん♪ (hehe)
