I was in Virginia for the past two weeks, away from internet access. Now i have massive review stacks. What should I do?

Review them. Don't worry about how long it takes you, just get it done.

Just go over them bit by bit.

do as many reviews you were doing before + some bonus instead the new kanji you would normally add.

There's a joke about Virginia here somewhere...

Anyway, don't delay. Start reviewing. Better late than never. I aim to halve my stack if it has gotten rather big.

Overdose on caffeine?
Hang around the dorms askin' for some "courage in a pill"?
Bang your head against the wall until you do it?

4 hours of continuous free time.

A possibly lethal dose of sugar.

Final destination.

Do not review all of those in one sitting. It's worthless, and you'll just end up on this weird cycle where every 4 days you get a huge glut of cards. Do as many as you were doing per day before. Take a break from adding new kanji. You'll work through it.

Just curious, how many are up for review?

About 1020. And I already have 200 in the failed stack =/

Should I have a massive story-review session before I dive into the reviews?

I don't want a fail stack 500 big, I'd never be able to clear that!

Like everyone else said-- Just chip away at it over time, and don't add any more new ones. Chip away at the fail pile, and chip away at the rest as well.

If you failed it because you completely forgot, and then when you saw it, you thought, "Aaahhh! I knew that one!" Then you probably don't need to redo your story, but if you saw it and thought, "Huh? I don't remember that one at all," then yeah, you should probably work on your story some.