Are there any in-depth guides to Japanese etiquette, particularly with focus on being a guest in someone's home? I don't mean the basic stuff like "hurr durr, bring a gift with you and don't wear your shoes in the house". I am looking for more of the small details and intricacies that make it look like you've spent your whole life growing up in Japan. Video guides would be preferred, but text is fine too.
Unfortunately when I try searching the web for such things, I'm completely drowned in the basic crap that everyone who has spent more than 5 minutes studying Japanese already knows.

Edit: for more of an idea of what I'm talking about, this video is sort of a good example: https://youtu.be/ilmx0EesGZc
Although its a comedy video and doesn't expressly teach anything, it points out a lot of the seemingly minor things that the guy does. Those are the kind of little things I want to learn more of.

I don't know of anything too in depth. But when I did all the lessons in Erin Ga Chousen, there were in each lesson parts about typical Japanese life. They are called: What's this, Let's see and Let's try.
https://www.erin.ne.jp/en/lesson01/letssee/index.html
And these lessons are about an English high-school student spending half a year in Japan, with a host family and going to Japanese high-school. So, while not too in depth, it provides useful clues about Japanese life (such as: how to eat combini onigiri, came in super handy when I got to Japan).

I watched that a couple of years ago, but I think I'll give it another quick watch for review. Thanks for reminding me!

The Nihongo Notes series isn't exactly a guide on etiquette but has a lot of info about what you can and can't say in certain situations, but apparently it's a bit outdated, and I found the general tone slightly patronising - for all the author's talk about being deferential, he doesn't hesitate to talk about what "the West" supposedly is like, and he also says things such as "unlike English the length of vowels can make a difference in meaning", which makes me wonder if he writes his books on "shits of paper", but other than that it's a fine resource.

Zarxrax Wrote:https://youtu.be/ilmx0EesGZc

I' more worried about why they're pouring to the men first. Is that a thing, or am I reading too much into this?

Sit down when you pee. And don't cum in the shower.

Sorry if that's blunt, but it's just straight-up advice for guys. Although I guess it works for women too.

A Japanese girl told me this after I'd been here for about six years. At the time I thought I'd figured out everything about this nation.

It's way too easy to focus on stuff like bringing a gift that nobody wants and trying to reverse your chopsticks when taking off a communal plate, but then ignore things that are glaringly obvious.

Again, apologies for not being more subtle, but somebody's gotta tell you.

poblequadrat Wrote:...and he also says things such as "unlike English the length of vowels can make a difference in meaning", which makes me wonder if he writes his books on "shits of paper"...

The statement that vowel length makes no difference in English does sound odd when your native language is Russian and the shit/sheet, bitch/beach, piss/piece etc. distinction had to be drilled into you, but in most dialects of English vowel length isn't actually a phonemic distinction. That is to say, there are no minimal pairs of words or morphemes that can be distinguished by vowel length alone. If we take your example, "shit" can be transcribed as [ʃɪt], while "sheet" is [ʃiːt]. Notice that it's not just the length, but the quality of the vowel itself is different. Most dialects of English don't contrast between [i] and [iː] or between [ɪ] and [ɪː] (although many speakers of Australian English do, with "bid" being [bɪd] and beard being [bɪːd]).

Stansfield123 Wrote:

Zarxrax Wrote:https://youtu.be/ilmx0EesGZc

I' more worried about why they're pouring to the men first. Is that a thing, or am I reading too much into this?

Yeah, "ladies first" isn't really a thing in Japan. In fact, from what I've heard, if there's at least one woman present at the table then she should be the one pouring the drinks, so the fact that the men were pouring each others' drinks surprised me in the video for a completely different reason.

I'd like to suggest a few things that could be useful to you. I've lived in Japan and visited my girlfriend's parents often, as well as visiting several Japanese homes in the city and the countryside with hosts from a broad range of ages and social classes.

After many mistakes I could suggest to watch as many TV dramas as you can. TV shows on YouTube where the interviewers visit their homes help too. To be honest, is all in there. Be aware that you need to 'define yourself' how would you like to be. What kind of person would you like to be perceived as? If you want to be the super-super polite person that is impressive with their keigo and manners you may become awkward. Easy going people is by definition easier to talk to.

If you're unsure, instead of looking for videos use your time to practice how to become reactive; let your hosts guide you how they expect you to behave and try to adapt quickly to their expectations. As simple as when you ask the time in the street to someone you don't know. For some people is better to refer to them as Sr. or Miss, to others you can ask for the time straightaway. I think you could know for sure after the first minutes you spend with a host.

Have fun there and relax!

---
I pity da foo' who knows no proper etiquette in my house!

vonPeterhof Wrote:Yeah, "ladies first" isn't really a thing in Japan. In fact, from what I've heard, if there's at least one woman present at the table then she should be the one pouring the drinks, so the fact that the men were pouring each others' drinks surprised me in the video for a completely different reason.

Ok, that's all fine. "ladies first" is an arbitrary thing stemming from European chivalry. No real reason for it. And women pouring is fine too. I doubt any women would mind doing that. And if they do mind, then they don't have to do it. It's not like someone will force you to follow etiquette rules.

But is there a "men first" rule? Because that would bug me, and, local culture or no local culture, I probably wouldn't go along with serving a young man before an older woman. It should just go from oldest to youngest.

JapaneseRuleOf7 Wrote:Sit down when you pee.

Well, thank you for being blunt about it, because that sounds absolutely absurd from my perspective. Not absurd as far as practicality goes though, I've cleaned my share of toilets...

@Stansfield123
I'm not the best person to answer, but from what I understand, seniority trumps everything (apparently it even trumps experience in some cases); I don't know how it would go for customers, but if my (thankfully brief) customer service job (US) taught me anything, it's that you deal with the customer who:
1.) got there first
2.) can actually be served at that time (if you need someone to go fetch something from the back, you don't just ignore the other customers)
There is no priority other than this, except for emergencies. This isn't cultural, as far as I'm aware, just the best way to serve multiple customers without forcing any to wait longer than anyone else.

(2015-08-04, 9:12 pm)Zarxrax Wrote: Are there any in-depth guides to Japanese etiquette, particularly with focus on being a guest in someone's home? I don't mean the basic stuff like "hurr durr, bring a gift with you and don't wear your shoes in the house". I am looking for more of the small details and intricacies that make it look like you've spent your whole life growing up in Japan. Video guides would be preferred, but text is fine too.
Unfortunately when I try searching the web for such things, I'm completely drowned in the basic crap that everyone who has spent more than 5 minutes studying Japanese already knows.

Edit: for more of an idea of what I'm talking about, this video is sort of a good example: https://youtu.be/ilmx0EesGZc
Although its a comedy video and doesn't expressly teach anything, it points out a lot of the seemingly minor things that the guy does. Those are the kind of little things I want to learn more of.

芸能人格付けチェック～一流芸能人に常識はあるのか！？スペシャル～
http://www.asahi.co.jp/kakuzuke/

芸能人格付けチェック
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUhtUVyCyBh2MHa-T_JmwK