I moved from Japan to Australia with my wife and kids two years ago, and my wife doesn't like it here and wants to move back. I don't want to go back. It would all be amicable, but it will be hard for my 5 and 9 year old boys (9 year old has mild aspergers which wont help matters). Has anyone been through what I'm probably going to go through?
2014-09-23, 7:21 am
Hmmm, not jealous of your situation, that's a tough call. Hopefully someone has been through a similar situation and can give you some insight...
I currently live in Japan with my wife and 7-month old daughter. We've been here for 2 years and are currently thinking about when to move back to Australia. However, we are both Australian, and it seems obvious to us that moving back before our children start school is a good idea. But our daughter is not half-Japanese... so it's a different situation.
Anyway, I do work at a high school here with a special "international program", many of the students in this course have either spent time living overseas, or have one parent who is a native speaker of English. I recently helped one "half" (I generally prefer not to use this term.... but it's standard here) girl to write a speech about her struggles growing up in Japan and what it felt like to consider herself Japanese, but not be treated as though she were by others. She argues that Japanese culture still associates being a "half" as something mysterious or special and she was often characterized by her features rather than her personality. I think she has been lucky to have had very supportive parents and friends though, so it seems she has survived without much in the way of negative consequences... She also lives in a fairly major city though, with a larger "international" community than most places in Japan. For half-japanese kids who aren't so good at fitting in or living in a more rural area, I imagine it could be a pretty tough way to go through your teenage years...
Anyway that's my two cents. Some google searching will reveal many blogs and articles written by half-japanese who grew up (or are growing up) in Japan. Reading their experiences might be helpful for you to make a decision. My student mentioned the following website in her speech: http://www.hafujapanese.org/index.html
Good luck!
I currently live in Japan with my wife and 7-month old daughter. We've been here for 2 years and are currently thinking about when to move back to Australia. However, we are both Australian, and it seems obvious to us that moving back before our children start school is a good idea. But our daughter is not half-Japanese... so it's a different situation.
Anyway, I do work at a high school here with a special "international program", many of the students in this course have either spent time living overseas, or have one parent who is a native speaker of English. I recently helped one "half" (I generally prefer not to use this term.... but it's standard here) girl to write a speech about her struggles growing up in Japan and what it felt like to consider herself Japanese, but not be treated as though she were by others. She argues that Japanese culture still associates being a "half" as something mysterious or special and she was often characterized by her features rather than her personality. I think she has been lucky to have had very supportive parents and friends though, so it seems she has survived without much in the way of negative consequences... She also lives in a fairly major city though, with a larger "international" community than most places in Japan. For half-japanese kids who aren't so good at fitting in or living in a more rural area, I imagine it could be a pretty tough way to go through your teenage years...
Anyway that's my two cents. Some google searching will reveal many blogs and articles written by half-japanese who grew up (or are growing up) in Japan. Reading their experiences might be helpful for you to make a decision. My student mentioned the following website in her speech: http://www.hafujapanese.org/index.html
Good luck!
Edited: 2014-09-23, 7:23 am
2014-09-23, 11:36 am
I have no kids and don't live in Japan. But SammyB, what citizenship does your 7-month old have? Dual? What about you, Mennon? Your kids were born in Japan, right? Do they have Australian passports? Thanks. I hope this is not any kind of derailment; I'm curious and it might be relevant, though it seems your main concern is social.
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2014-09-23, 3:40 pm
I have two sons (American and Japanese) 7 and 4, but they were born here in Japan and have never known any different. So far they haven't had any issues really regarding their status excepting some mild interest when I'm around and we all start speaking English, but then again our area is, for reasons unknown, rather accepting of foreigners and also my wife and I have worked hard to get our boys into the community so by and large the kids have been with a group of kids their own age from day one who now just know them as their friends, not those hafu kids.
2014-09-24, 12:41 am
I don't have kids but I have lived/worked in Japan in the schools.
Half kids will get different experiences based on what ethnicity the other half is. I feel Caucasian halfs have a far more positive experience where as african halfs might not. Asian or Pacific Islander halfs are only an issue if it comes out they are Korean, Chinese, Filipino, or something like that (ie: more they can blend in the better). As SammyB noted, it's unlikely that others will recognize the children for their "Japanese" side even if they understand Japanese fully or have a complete experience of the culture.
In my experience in the schools, the kids that are the most well adjusted are the ones that have spent half their school time in one country and then another. Even if the parent can teach them about things outside Japan for instance, it still won't have as much impact as the actual experience. As an example. In my school there was a full Japanese girl that spent part of Elementary (6th grade) and most of Junior high (up to 2nd year) in Australia (Perth). Not only was her English remarkable, better than the Japanese English teacher in cases of what "sounds right" and an Australian accent, but she had the life experience. In a private sit down with her and me and another teacher from Australia, she complained about a lot of the problems she saw in school and in Japan, but also in Australia. Her viewpoint was way more grounded than that of kids without the experience, even the few that spent a month there.
So personally my decision if/when I have kids with something in Japan. The kids will probably spend Junior high time out of Japan and high school in Japan. It gives them enough info to decide on where they want to go for college and/or work.
Putting the kid part aside. I want to mention one thing. It's kind of a distasteful subject but be mindful of your wife. Child kidnapping cases where the wife takes the kids back to Japan are pretty common, and Japan lacks joint custody and almost always sides with custody with the mother. Japan implemented the Hague Conventions on child abductions (partially I believe), so abduction cases have some recourse now but you'll end up mired in a vicious court battle I'm sure. Maybe this isn't relevant to you and your marriage is peachy, but it's something to keep in mind.
Half kids will get different experiences based on what ethnicity the other half is. I feel Caucasian halfs have a far more positive experience where as african halfs might not. Asian or Pacific Islander halfs are only an issue if it comes out they are Korean, Chinese, Filipino, or something like that (ie: more they can blend in the better). As SammyB noted, it's unlikely that others will recognize the children for their "Japanese" side even if they understand Japanese fully or have a complete experience of the culture.
In my experience in the schools, the kids that are the most well adjusted are the ones that have spent half their school time in one country and then another. Even if the parent can teach them about things outside Japan for instance, it still won't have as much impact as the actual experience. As an example. In my school there was a full Japanese girl that spent part of Elementary (6th grade) and most of Junior high (up to 2nd year) in Australia (Perth). Not only was her English remarkable, better than the Japanese English teacher in cases of what "sounds right" and an Australian accent, but she had the life experience. In a private sit down with her and me and another teacher from Australia, she complained about a lot of the problems she saw in school and in Japan, but also in Australia. Her viewpoint was way more grounded than that of kids without the experience, even the few that spent a month there.
So personally my decision if/when I have kids with something in Japan. The kids will probably spend Junior high time out of Japan and high school in Japan. It gives them enough info to decide on where they want to go for college and/or work.
Putting the kid part aside. I want to mention one thing. It's kind of a distasteful subject but be mindful of your wife. Child kidnapping cases where the wife takes the kids back to Japan are pretty common, and Japan lacks joint custody and almost always sides with custody with the mother. Japan implemented the Hague Conventions on child abductions (partially I believe), so abduction cases have some recourse now but you'll end up mired in a vicious court battle I'm sure. Maybe this isn't relevant to you and your marriage is peachy, but it's something to keep in mind.
Edited: 2014-09-24, 12:44 am
2014-09-25, 6:01 am
tashippy Wrote:I have no kids and don't live in Japan. But SammyB, what citizenship does your 7-month old have? Dual? What about you, Mennon? Your kids were born in Japan, right? Do they have Australian passports? Thanks. I hope this is not any kind of derailment; I'm curious and it might be relevant, though it seems your main concern is social.Our daughter has Australian citizenship, which was a bit of a pain to get sorted while here but it's done now! Since my wife and I are both Australian citizens, she wasn't actually eligible for Japanese citizenship anyway. Being born here is of no significance. I had 30 days from the day she was born to get her visa status organised and get her a residence card.
2014-09-26, 3:27 pm
SammyB Wrote:Forgot this part, sorry.tashippy Wrote:I have no kids and don't live in Japan. But SammyB, what citizenship does your 7-month old have? Dual? What about you, Mennon? Your kids were born in Japan, right? Do they have Australian passports? Thanks. I hope this is not any kind of derailment; I'm curious and it might be relevant, though it seems your main concern is social.Our daughter has Australian citizenship, which was a bit of a pain to get sorted while here but it's done now! Since my wife and I are both Australian citizens, she wasn't actually eligible for Japanese citizenship anyway. Being born here is of no significance. I had 30 days from the day she was born to get her visa status organised and get her a residence card.
My sons have dual citizenship, Japanese from their mother and American from me. The American one required us to wander by the embassy in Tokyo and go through paperwork hoops, but it could have been done any time until they were 18 (After that apparently it gets more complicated to claim). They'll have dual until age 22 when according to the Japanese government, they will have to give up one.
I'm told however that many dual citizens who are Japanese by birth just sortta forget to do so and quietly stuff their non-Japanese passport in a drawer. The government doesn't actually check and there's no paperwork required to say that you actually went through with it.
2014-09-26, 6:02 pm
SammyB Wrote:I had 30 days from the day she was born to get her visa status organised and get her a residence card.Wow, that's not very much time to sort through bureaucratic processes in any country.
@JusenkyoGuide, Okay, yeah that's on line with I have heard regarding the 18-22 scenario.
@OP Good luck with your situation. It seems one of you will have to compromise, or actually both of you. At least your countries are (relatively) close to each other? Present comfort in au? What is your main concern with raising the kids in Japan? The transition to a new country? Hafu discrimination? Vix has pointed out that some of these kids benefit from the multicultural experience, honing the expansive worldviews which they so naturally display.
Edited: 2014-09-26, 6:04 pm