Next month, I'll be heading over to Japan to see my girlfriend, propose, and then go to meet her parents and stay at their home for a couple of days. This will be my first time visiting a Japanese home, and I don't want to make some huge faux pas.
While I know most of the basics, like take off your shoes, bring a good gift, etc, I'd like to learn more of the intricate details of things that might come up. For instance, I realize I will probably have to sit in seiza style, so I've been practicing just about everyday even though it hurts my feet like a mofo. I've also been trying to learn to eat using chopsticks, but I don't seem to be improving at that either.
What other things should I know? Are there any good resources dealing with this topic? Videos? Blogs? Textbook chapters? Personal experiences anyone wants to share?
And not only what should I do, but what should I say? Any topics that might be taboo that aren't common sense? Any good topics that I should bring up with the parents? (Of course I am already prepared to tell them about my lifestyle, job, education, etc).

Thanks for any help!

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Whatever you do, don't bring up Japanese atrocities committed in the WWII era.

john555 Wrote:Whatever you do, don't bring up Japanese atrocities committed in the WWII era.

Nice one he might have forgot about that

I also don't have much advice for the marriage proposal thing, but since it sounds like you really want to make a good impression, then maybe just ask your girlfriend what would make a good impression on her parents? It wouldn't make much sense to try and sit differently if everyone there sits in a chair...although obviously I don't know how this particular family is. The chopsticks and shoes thing are probably two things that you'll really want, if only so that you can eat without being accommodated to and not be rude and trample all over the place in your shoes.
But in the end, your girlfriend should know her family best, and asking her how to make a good impression will likely be the best way to do that, maybe be a bit insistent if she brushes you off on that tells you not to worry.

Yea, I mean shes given me a lot of advice, though I still feel like I might run into some odd situations or something. Maybe its just nervousness from knowing I'll be in such an unfamiliar situation.

Don't worry about it, by and large they'll be forgiving.

The only thing that really comes to mind is mind the toilet slippers, don't use it without them, don't walk off in them. But unless you're sticking your chopsticks in your rice or try to wash inside the tub, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

I've stayed in Japanese homes many times, and "met the parents," so here's my advice.

You won't have to sit seiza. Don't worry about it.

After you use the shower, leave it spotlessly clean, including picking up any hairs from the drain. Do not spit in the shower, do not ejaculate in the shower. The mother will be cleaning out the drain.

Sit peeing down so as not to splash. I'm not kidding. You'd be surprised how many people worry about their chopstick manners, and don't give a thought to the fact that their pee is splashing all over the bathroom.

Contrary to all advice you'll read, I wouldn't bring a gift from your home country. Instead, go to a Japanese department store and buy a very nice cake with some fruit on top.

I assume you know that your shoes should be laced loosely, so you don't have to tie and untie them while everybody stands there staring at you. You just slip them on and off, without making an issue of it.

Don't act goofy. You're an adult male, not a schoolgirl. Dress like an adult, and conduct yourself like an adult.

Good luck.

Flamerokz Wrote:

john555 Wrote:Whatever you do, don't bring up Japanese atrocities committed in the WWII era.

Nice one he might have forgot about that

Or simply avoid negatives altogether.

JapaneseRuleOf7 Wrote:do not ejaculate in the shower. The mother will be cleaning out the drain.

Now I'm curious as to if this actually caused a situation for you :p

Zarxrax Wrote:Next month, I'll be heading over to Japan to see my girlfriend, propose...

Dude. Serious congrats on your engagement and hope you have a great wedding and life together!

It would be really great if you could shower just before meeting them.

I assume you know to shower first and make sure all the soap is off before getting in the bath..

Also, if you help out in the kitchen, Japanese sinks don't have garbage disposers, so you can't put a bunch of stuff down there. There's usually a filter bag in there so you won't ruin it, but coffee grounds an vegetables go in the garbage.

They have a few different types of garbage. If I remember right, it's burnable(paper and cardboard), non-burnable, and bottles and cans, so check first what goes where.

And here's something that really goes over with my wife's family. I'm 6'2" so I can reach most of the lightbulbs in the house. So every time I come for a visit, we go to the hardware and store replace all the burnt out bulbs. It takes me about 10 minutes and they really seem appreciative.

[Zgarbas]

JapaneseRuleOf7 Wrote:Do not spit in the shower, do not ejaculate in the shower. The mother will be cleaning out the drain.

Coming from you, I would really, really, love to hear the story behind how you figured this one out, Seeroi-sensei.

If they don't mind your being a gaijin, they probably won't hold you to the same standards, but you might want to make sure you bow lower than her parents do. Will you be speaking Japanese with them, i.e. do her parents know English? And don't pass food with chop sticks, because funerals, but you probably aren't skilled enough with chop sticks to make that faux pas anyway

Zgarbas Wrote:

JapaneseRuleOf7 Wrote:Do not spit in the shower, do not ejaculate in the shower. The mother will be cleaning out the drain.

Coming from you, I would really, really, love to hear the story behind how you figured this one out, Seeroi-sensei.

You know, I came to Japan from America, where you can show up to work late, wear wrinkled clothes, and flush anything you want down the drain and it's gone. It's a great country, for those three reasons. Pretty sure that's on a tourism billboard somewhere.

Japan's not like that. I had to buy both an alarm clock and an iron. No wonder people say it's an expensive country. And when it came to the drains in the sinks and the showers, I never realized that there was a net down there that was catching everything. And I mean, everything. And that somebody was changing every day.

I think, though, that sometimes more details are not necessarily better. Let's just say there are some things you don't want to hear a sixty year-old Japanese woman say.

If you can't please her parents, just elope.

JapaneseRuleOf7 Wrote:Let's just say there are some things you don't want to hear a sixty year-old Japanese woman say.

WAAAAAAAAAA!!

1. Japanese people eat large breakfasts. I typically eat a modest bowl of cereal and a banana for breakfast (and I assume most Americans have similar breakfasts). In Japan, however, it's like Sunday brunch every morning. To counter this, I got in the habit of jogging 10km every morning.

P.S. If you're European and think American bread is sweet, just wait till you get to Japan.

2. Americans tend to be relaxed and spontaneous when on vacation (goal = rejuvenation). You wake up whenever and do whatever you feel like. In contrast, Japanese tend to plan what to do and where to go for every hour (goal = get your money's worth). If you don't keep up with the schedule, you may acquire the stigma of マイペース.

(While my reply is probably too late to be useful for the OP, this post is for the benefit of all future travelers to Japan.)

vileru Wrote:1. Japanese people eat large breakfasts. I typically eat a modest bowl of cereal and a banana for breakfast (and I assume most Americans have similar breakfasts). In Japan, however, it's like Sunday brunch every morning.

Are you talking about the standard American diet? I'm pretty sure that it primarily consists of things like McDonalds, processed foods, Wal-Mart, and fast food.

I don't know about you, but I'm American and for breakfast I like to eat a whole pig's head with a stick of butter, some bacon, the left half of a cow, and then wash it all down with a bucket of lard fresh-squeezed from a walrus.