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The closest, is the English 'L' sound.
La Li Lu Le Lo
Please ignore Romaji's use of R.
Japan doesn't realise that L is a much closer sound. They shouldn't use R because its not the same as English R. At all. not even close.
Good luck!
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The Finnish R is also almost exactly like the Japanese R, except we also have L so our R never sounds like an L (unless you have a speech impediment) like theirs sometimes (seemingly at random) does.
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I studied spanish in high school, and could never roll my Rs until 20 years later studying Japanese.
It's generally not the objective in Japanese (although guys sometimes do it to sound manly), but I think if you prepare yourself to roll your R, but stop just short of the roll, then you're making the right sound.
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The Japanese "r" is very similar to the Spanish rolled "r", except it is not trilled, and consists of a single flap of the tongue. If I had any experience with Spanish as a language, I could tell you whether or not it was 100% the same place of articulation. My students sometimes try to show off their tongue rolling ability to me, because they know I can't do it. It's pronounced slightly further back in the mouth compared to English "L", which is the English sound it most resembles.
The reason why it sometimes sounds like they say "r" and sometimes "l" is because of the way your brain processes the sounds that speakers make. So, for example, if you are expecting to hear "left", but your brain detects that the sound produced was not as far forward in the mouth as "l" should be, it will think it was "r", and you will hear "reft" instead. If you are expecting to hear "right", but your brain detects a sound that is not as far back in the mouth as "r" is, then you will hear "l". And so on.
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I've always done it halfway between the (l) and ®, it also helps to keep your mouth more closed, even with the vowel sound at the end.
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The English R sound, the English L sound, and the Japanese /r/ sound are three(or 4) different sounds. Consider them separately, rather than as combinations of each other, or "halfway between" each other which doesn't adequately describe their manner of articulation int he mouth. R and L in English are not simply more forward and back than each other; the tongue position is completely different.
Here's how they are pronounced:
English R: The tongue is curled back in the mouth. It doesn't touch the top of he mouth.
English L: The tip of the tongue is pushed against the roof of the mouth approximately where the roof of the mouth meets the back of the top teeth. The sides of the tongue do not touch the top of the mouth (like they do in /D/), so air flows around the side of the tongue.
JAPANESE: TWO ALLOPHONES
ら、り、る、れ、ろ This is a TAP, the tip of the tongue just bounces off the top of the mouth. This is why it sounds more L-like than R-like, because of the contact with the roof of the mouth. However, make sure it bounces off quickly.
りゃ、あんり - In some combinations, like these (rya, anri, ryokan, etc), rather than a simple TAP, some speakers use a FLAP instead which involves curling the tongue backward and pressing it against the top of the mouth; then flicking it forward. This will vary amongst speakers, but I find using the flap is what makes natives say I am pronouncing the words correctly.
Edited: 2013-11-24, 7:22 pm
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Why pronounce it half-way between and L and a D when you could just roll your R's and sound like you're in the Yakuza?
Te o kurrrrre!
手をくれ!
Edited: 2013-11-24, 7:35 pm
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The only reason I mentioned the flap Wikipedia article is because they have examples of sounds in a bunch of languages that are much closer to the Japanese ra-gyo sound than any consonant in English.
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I just use R and don't worry about it since I have slight rhotacism and can't pronounce it much anyway. If people don't notice it in English or Romanian I doubt that it will affect my Japanese much.
(for once, speech impediments get rid of a problem instead of adding to it)
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So maybe English should use something else instead of R, seeing as there are several languages that do use R for something that is closer to the Japanese R than anything in English.
Then again, it probably doesn't even rate among the top 100 things that are "wrong" with English spelling, so maybe not.