It feels really stupid and kind of embarrassing, but I think I came to a point where I realise that I have to stop being passive when it comes to dating and meeting people I like, find interesting and would like to get to know more.
I started to work at a local hospital and got to know a nurse here who is around my age and I really fell for her, I feel. She makes me smile a lot and in the beginning she also responded to my looks and so on, but now I'm feeling like she is getting tired out very much by work and starts using my 'blindness' by asking me constantly for favours. I feel like I had been very negative, cynic and in terms of human relationship very much like an tadpole suspecting ulterior motives in people asking me for something, but this has changed. Or at least, I'm in the middle of this change and thinking more positive is good for my psyche, that's for sure.
The point is, I'm new at this hospital and I don't want any rumours to spread around (my colleagues are famous for doing so.. it's nothing evil-minded, but it makes me feel uncomfortable and I would like to sustain a friendly working atmosphere that is important to have in order to cope with stress and time consuming patients). I like my team -- but I also like this particular girl. I asked her if she had any plannings for tonight and she said she would do something with her room mates. Orz, I should have asked more directly.. the reason I did not is, that I fear rejection and the fact I would not be able to handle in terms of answering properly in the very moment.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

This must be a trial for you, but I do think that she should try to detach yourself from the feeling of rejection even if you do get rejected. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I understand that you are new to this job, so any screw can lead to embarrassment that can last the entire time you work there, but I also think it would be wise to somehow maneuver your actions in a way that she is not just the one person asking the favors but having it toward that both parties benefit from one another. I do think that your last attempt might have better implications than you realize at this time. People this first time will often say that, but your intent was probably very clear. She probably did go out with her roommates and talk about screwing up a chance with a guy at work.

Watch "The Tao of Steve," there are profound lessons to be learned from that movie. (Also, actually works.)

Just tell her that you like her and would like to go out with her. Don't feel embarrased if you are rejected. Everyone is playing this sex game.

Delta i must say seeking casual sex did me no good. i tried to use it to compensate for the fact that I am a pscychopath and ignored serious issues in my life like alcoholism and sleep deprivation. Most of my friends ***** whores and they all love it, but I personally don't think it would do my well being any good and would probably freak me out tbh.

I think it is a myth that everyone getting involved on casual sex is enjoying it and I know a lot of people who have been hurt by it....

Personally, I think the best strategy to follow when I'm afraid or not comfortable to deal with something because I think it's important is to diminish it's importance or size, and for non-critical things, like your case, I think of it as a practice that I will screw up, probably the next two or three experiences too, and then I will be ready to deal with real stuff! This allows you to not watch yourself while doing that thing and allows you to be yourself and relief the pressure.

So yeah. do as you wish, screw things up, so you can have a better relationship next time.

Thanks for all the replies, guys.

Besides lacking sex in my life now, what is even more lacking is a person that I can trust and commit myself to. You know, the only person I trust is myself and I question everything and everyone, which is very tiresome and exasperating at some times. My last relationship that had been my first one in fact, screwed me really up, to a point where I was just very weary of life itself and was suicidal. All this is over and seems to be so infantile and I hope I turned into a less fragile and whining person on the whole after those incidents, talks.

Having said this, I don't believe in "liking" or even "loving" people. I just think that people need other people, interesting, encouraging ones that change our lives. Thus, sex is more like mixing art and music together for me.. For some reason, I could never feel the pleasure in sex that made me climax and come -- but that's totally ok I think casual sex would be only worth an experience, but I don't think I'm one of those being into it really.

What I learned from asking the girl this time is that I should have been more clear and direct. I will try next time, although I still don't know exactly how to overcome the awkwardness when being rejected and dumbed (again) T_T I will definitely check out the movie one posted here, thanks!!

Edit: I think I am less hesitant asking out girls in English. I feel so stupid doing so in German (my mother tongue) - I don't know why but I feel much more relaxed, comfortable and free in English

It's always a bad idea to try and date your co-workers. I'm sure you know why, and I'm sure your dick doesn't care. Find somewhere else to meet girls unless you don't care about your job.

That aside, working out regularly and masturbating only once a week will do wonders for your drive and confidence.

Thanks for your advice quincy. I know the reasons why it's no good dating co-workers, but I quite fell for her and I will only work until Decembre and then disappear from there forever

I'm doing my workout three times a week for 90min.... I'm pretty confident with that, it's that communication in German seems to be an issue to me.

Edit: I don't want to get laid nor get her laid. It's not about that (this time). I really like her attitude and simply the way she talks. Do you know this feeling of looking into someone's eyes and feeling as if you drown in infinity? Her eyes look just so mindblowingly and it's difficult to talk to her without getting "stoned" lol
Working and being around with her does really some good to me and is just meeting my needs very well. As said, my physical need is (strangely?) very low.

quincy Wrote:That aside, working out regularly and masturbating only once a week will do wonders for your drive and confidence.

Masturbating only once a week? That'll be quite a feat but I suppose I'll try this as well. Like Tori-kun I'm quite scared of rejection. Hopefully I'll learn my lesson soon enough. It's too late for me to still be scared of girls in such a way.

Masturbating has many purposes and if people have a weekly rythm how they handle it it would be extremely going against their balance if they stopped and reduced it to 'once a week' only, I can imagine.
I don't know, but I'm not at all afraid of rejection in "English" -- but in German it scares the hell out of me.. I wish I lived in a place where I could meet more international people and talk in English to them, like e.g. in Berlin. That'd be awesome :3

Rule #1:
Never date a coworker. Most relationships end and it'll make your work environment awkward (plus there is the risk of her telling everyone your most embarrassing secrets).

Once you get over the whole "omg meeting people is hard" mindset, you'll realize how ridiculously easy it is. I tried my best to stay single last year but I only lasted about 3 months. The key is to be confident and direct. Not many people find awkwardness attractive.

Not sure what no masturbating is supposed to do for anything; that's psychological at best, and for that, everyone has their own triggers.

Anyway. I'm genetically predisposed to anxiety, and the best cure I had for awkwardness was to realize that it didn't do me any good, and just stop worrying about it. The doubt and worry is what really kills you, and it's not even an accurate reflection of reality. You are not your thoughts, remember that.

Tori-kun Wrote:Masturbating has many purposes and if people have a weekly rythm how they handle it it would be extremely going against their balance if they stopped and reduced it to 'once a week' only, I can imagine.

The point is to find someone to have sex with, not masturbate.

astendra Wrote:Not sure what no masturbating is supposed to do for anything; that's psychological at best, and for that, everyone has their own triggers.

The idea is you'll be horny enough to take a chance.

Just a small update.

So, I asked my co-worker out another time and she declined again, which was again awkward as hell. (She is dating another co-worker from the Intensive Care Unit I heard, though lol) The working atmosphere is pretty crashed now whenever we have to work together, but I can cope with it remarkably well!

And this:

Ok, I had been to this club because the boyfriend of my cousine was the DJ and I was on the VIP list. It had been pretty dull and I was smoking like my 10th cigarett and had my 4th Mojito when a group of girls came into the smoker's lounge, sat down and where giggling at me like hell. Then, one girl stood up, approached me and said 'Hey my friend, the one with red hair, she finds you pretty sweet. Mind talking to her?'. I was quite dumbstruck and I was glad she couldn't see how red my head became. 'Sorry if this was awkward for you' she said when I didn't answer immediately, but finally I reached out my hand and introduced myself to the red-haired girl. I wonder, I guess we talked for like an hour, then she gave me her mobile number and adress and we danced like *****..

Anyway, what I mean to say is that I had a great time But I was just too tired and drunk to understand her hints when we left the club that she wanted me to come along to her place >_< She wrote me she fell ill the other day and ever since I'm waiting.... Sigh.

I would never take anything seriously that happens with a girl in a club. Any girl that is even slightly attractive gets hit on 10 times a night with free drinks and compliments. That's not the bad part though, the bad part is that they know most of these men are just after sex and are happy to exploit them for free drinks or just for fun; they will just assume you are the same as all other guys and try to exploit you as well. Throw alcohol in the mix and it's a recipe for disaster.

Just my 2 cents, I hate clubs :\

Same Totoro, different opinions.

quincy Wrote:

astendra Wrote:Not sure what no masturbating is supposed to do for anything; that's psychological at best, and for that, everyone has their own triggers.

The idea is you'll be horny enough to take a chance.

Haha, I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.

The funny part was, she hit on me and she stayed completely sober the whole night...

Tzadeck Wrote:

quincy Wrote:

astendra Wrote:Not sure what no masturbating is supposed to do for anything; that's psychological at best, and for that, everyone has their own triggers.

The idea is you'll be horny enough to take a chance.

Haha, I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.

I can't say it will work for everyone but there's no harm in trying. It'll help with his climaxing problem at least.

quincy Wrote:The point is to find someone to have sex with, not masturbate.

Hmmm. I tend to masturbate more when I'm having sex