Well, what a discussion here
The aim of this topic is to share experiences of loving and marriage in Japan from a gaijin point of view...for the youngers here...
In this forum we all studying Japanese bacause we like something about the country, sure,for someone are manga e anime, for others woman, food and tradition, and there are people that love Japan in general but...
I'm interested to know how is the current situation for find a japanese girlfriend for a foreigner.
I'm asking this because searching on the net about this argument started to be a little scary...People don't know what to say and no sense things are well spreaded in these pages.
In this community there are people with real experiences in this field, so all the comments, advices, news are well accepted.

I hear some women in roppongi will jump your bones if you happen to be a foreigner. I also watched a tv show recently where a female celeb was told she seems like the "type of girl that dates foreigners", she was quick to say "iyada, chigau desu!". You should ask what the situation for finding a japanese gf is for YOU, because you might be a loser with poor social skills... Or you might be a smooth mf:er like me and are able to make bishes cum just by looking at them (the author took some liberties with reality in this post).

in before stupid generalizations of a whole country

I think the Japanese people that are obsessed with foreigners are the worst.

It's very easy to find a girlfriend anywhere, including Japan. The trick is can that person become someone that not only compliments but enhances aspects of your life and vice versa.

There's too many variances to go any deeper than that. Generally, if you're a guy that's not hideously ugly, morbidly obese, or completely foul in the odor department you generally can find any woman in the short term. It's the quirks in personality that'll then come into play after all of that.

Generalisation time:

There are easy women who want a foreign boyfriend, however they are not very cool. These girls are not common in the country side.

There are deeper cooler women who generally are open to the idea, or maybe even prefer a foreign boyfriend. However, they are not easy and would only go go out with a guy if they were really interested in the whole package.

Almost no girls in Japan will make the first move, so if you don't have a certain amount of self confidence you will find it hard to get even the easy girls.

So basically, if you want cheap sex and don't have high standards (and have confidence) then Japan is a good place for you. If you want a cool and potentially long term girlfriend, it probably is not so good depending on what kind of girls you like.

In my case I like girls who have self confidence and can live happily without a partner. There are not many girls like this.

thermal Wrote:In my case I like girls who have self confidence and can live happily without a partner.

Good luck...
We're in the same boat though.

I'ld have to second Nukemarine's comment... Just show interest in someone without giving a creepy aura about yourself and you should be fine... It isn't hard at all to find a Japanese girlfriend...

This is a great topic.

Walking around Japan, one thing I noticed is the large number of skinny awkward looking Western guys with beautiful Japanese women next to them. I think the majority of Japanese women would never date a Western guy. There are so few Westerners in Japan that those girl who are into Western guys are very enthusiastic in their appreciation. I was so enamored with Japanese women from my time in Japan, I have not dated a local girl since I have been back home. Every few months a girlfriend I met in Japan visits me here in Hawaii. No, I am not nor have I ever been monogamous but I never lie to a girl either.
Word of caution: Japanese women generally do not use the pill. Having a child in Japan is very expensive. I know from experience. Though mixed Japanese do make the most beautiful children!

bodhisamaya Wrote:Word of caution: Japanese women generally do not use the pill. Having a child in Japan is very expensive. I know from experience. Though mixed Japanese do make the most beautiful children!

When are they going to come out with the "male" birth control pill...

Thx for the reply
Well I'm a good looking guy high and slim,so the problem are not phisical...I want to know if a japanese girl in her 20 (I'm 18) that type cute and quite I mean, is interested in having a relation with a foreigner.
How is the idea for they?...I'm not interested in sex and go...I want a real girlfriend, serious and nice...sort ofXD
I know isn't a thing that is equal to 120(-men milion people but in general

of course they are, and watch out for yellow cabs while you are at it

bodhisamaya Wrote:Though mixed Japanese do make the most beautiful children!

I think this last sentence may have been somewhat biased

Riding on the train is a great place to meet new friends/love interests. I did my best with my broken Japanese to start conversations and Japanese girls were often eager to practice their English. At 18, if you are confident, the girls will love you

IceCream Wrote:why,why? do you ever see skinny awkward looking western girls with beautiful japanese men?

I think Japanese men are a little intimidated by Western women. There are some cultural differences that make a Japanese man/Western woman relationship challenging.

a Japanese man likes a woman to know her place (家内）　western women wouldn't put up with it...

The word 主人 is very telling I think. I talked to a few female English teachers who dated Japanese men and the experiences were often described as frustrating or simply, "never again".

I don't disagree with the troublesome culture differences being stated. However, this is where I'd like to point out that, while 主人 does indeed mean what it means (ご主人様!), the English word 'husband' means the exact same thing: Master, head of a household, landowner, manager. One just doesn't think about it anymore, unless, perhaps, one is British.
So, you shouldn't really judge a culture by the roots of the words it uses, even if the original meaning of a word might be more obvious in certain languages than others (like a language that uses chinese characters ). We use a lot of really slanted words on a regular basis, but time has completely dulled their string, unless someone decided to stir it all up again. Flipside, we also frequently turn really innocuous words into grave offenses (fag, anyone?). In the end, none of it actually means anything.

I'm culturally German and I'd like to point out that Damen means lady and Herr means mister, and that dämlich (ladylike) means stupid, and herrlich (misterlike) means wonderful.

We rarely ever think about it.

There are PC movements in Japan now to use the less offensive words 'tsuma' and 'otto' instead of 'kanai' and 'shujin', too, so I wouldn't necessarily judge a culture by the meaning of its words...

Not that Japan, as a whole, isn't more 'traditional' in its gender roles (because it is!), but it's still a highly individual thing. I'm mixed, half-white and half-Korean, but all white (German) culturally, and I've had pretty good luck dating Korean guys (as in, Korean guys from Korea), and I don't see why Japanese guys would be any different. You have the leprechaun and you have the sweet ones; you just gotta get good at spotting the difference.

Pretty sure the same applies to Japanese women, too.

Yinake Wrote:I'm culturally German and I'd like to point out that Damen means lady and Herr means mister, and that dämlich (ladylike) means stupid, and herrlich (misterlike) means wonderful.

We rarely ever think about it.

There are PC movements in Japan now to use the less offensive words 'tsuma' and 'otto' instead of 'kanai' and 'shujin', too, so I wouldn't necessarily judge a culture by the meaning of its words...

Not that Japan, as a whole, isn't more 'traditional' in its gender roles (because it is!), but it's still a highly individual thing. I'm mixed, half-white and half-Korean, but all white (German) culturally, and I've had pretty good luck dating Korean guys (as in, Korean guys from Korea), and I don't see why Japanese guys would be any different. You have the leprechaun and you have the sweet ones; you just gotta get good at spotting the difference.

Pretty sure the same applies to Japanese women, too.

I think when they said western they meant British and American women. And when they said Japanese, they didn't mean Korean, lol.

Note: Also, I've heard from a very reliable source that Japan has no word for individual.

On a more serious note, that info on the word husband is very interesting, though I can't find much on it.

For example, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/husband
I know some people take issue with dictionary.com (for some reason?), but you can hit other dictionaries or google 'husband etymology'.
The fact that it evolved in meaning in really the same way 主人 did makes me think that it's probably a common trend throughout languages, but I've never had any reason to investigate. It seems like a pretty natural way for such a word to develop, though...

But, de-raaaaaailed.

From my superficial observation of Japanese media, it seems the most popular female heart-throbs are cute and feminine looking. The same appears to be true for the guys. Johnny Depp is a thousand times more popular in Japan than in the US. If I were to stumble into a male Host Club drunk at night, I might easily fall in love

I would divide Japanese women into three categories:

1) "Typical" Japanese. Overall content with Japan and Japanese guys, not really familiar or interested with living in other countries. Not that they would never date a foreigner, but they're definitely not seeking it out. This is the vast majority of women in Japan.

2) Western-obsessed. Only interested in dating foreigners, constantly bashing Japan and Japanese men. The are often almost ashamed of being Asian. Extremely over-representative of Japanese women outside of Japan (for obvious reasons) and contribute to a lot to negative stereotypes about Japan, even though they are a small minority compared to group #1.

3) International/Cosmopolitan (but balanced). Usually well-educated, successful "career woman" types. They've been exposed to the western world through their studies and career so they have a fairly realistic understanding about it. But they're still not anti-Japan. This is by far the smallest minority, but I find them the most rewarding to be with.

kazelee Wrote:I think when they said western they meant British and American women. And when they said Japanese, they didn't mean Korean, lol.

Note: Also, I've heard from a very reliable source that Japan has no word for individual.

On a more serious note, that info on the word husband is very interesting, though I can't find much on it.

Of course I know that they meant Japanese guys, not Korean ones. However, since they are culturally very similar, I thought my experiences would have some merit.

The main point of my post was that you can find leprechaun and sweet people anywhere in the world.

QuackingShoe Wrote:For example, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/husband
I know some people take issue with dictionary.com (for some reason?)

That dictionary isn't very extensive. There isn't even an entry for gullible.

IceCream Wrote:yeah, theres gotta be openminded people around everywhere right?

I do agree with that, and what I wanted to convey in my original post. Much of love is unpredictable anyway -- you 'click', or you don't. Having said that, the vast majority of people do end up finding someone to love eventually, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

To the OP (or anyone else looking for a gf/bf), I'd just suggest trying to maximize what you have to offer (looks, manners, education, etc.), trying to make the most of yourself, and approaching people when there is interest. Things should fall into place eventually. I know that the phrase, "don't go looking for love, love will come find you" is trite and overused, but I've found it to be true -- being relaxed about the whole thing and not having it drilled into your head that you absolutely must find a bf/gf seems to be a more positive and more effective approach. Eventually you should meet someone you connect with, so I wouldn't worry too much about the whole thing, whether you're a man or a woman, Japanese or Western, or whatever.

Good luck to the OP and everyone else looking, though. ^^;