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Don't know what to do.... - Raschaverak - 2012-03-30

At all....I just don't know what to do, which direction to go in my life. I've studied economics, finance and accountancy, but I've forgotten a lot, I wanted to be an astronomist / cosmologist, but I'm not good enough in maths / physics, I'm also interested in IT, with which I might actually be able to make a living, but right now I'm at home with my parents..... I have to come up with a plan and real soon, because I have to move. The problem is I don't know what I want. Being a physicist is too far fetched (I'm 27 already), besides I don't want to study full-time again - it just doesn't feel right (and I also cannot afford it).

I'm attracted to big cities, and big things in general (macroeconomics, cosmology, ect) but also interested in programming. But I feel lost. I've been to career-consultant professionals, they only confused me even more. I've did official personality tests - still don't know.
I just feel it doesn't matter what I choose it WILL be the wrong decision, so I'm afraid to chose, to move out... in my past all my decisions since the university were mistakes....basically all of them. No, come to think of it since choosing what to stuy, all my choices were mistakes. What's wrong with me?

Don't know what to do.... - kame3 - 2012-03-30

Well, I would say that the most painful thing is thinking (and really believing) that everything you do is 'wrong' and should not have happened. Don't ponder too long on how things should be and on making only perfect decisions. That's not what life is about.
I think if you are really being honest and just listen to your gut feeling without overthinking it, you'll know what you want. You'll never be sure how it turns out though.

Don't know what to do.... - lardycake - 2012-03-30

Raschaverak Wrote:What's wrong with me?
You have had a too easy life and you are lucky your parents haven't thrown you out already.

Sorry but that's what I think. Coming from somebody that became homeless at 16.

Don't know what to do.... - Raschaverak - 2012-03-30

You might be right. But I don't think throwing myself out, or punishing myself would solve anything. But who knows. But I've seen way to many people who have / had an easier life than me...

Don't know what to do.... - Fillanzea - 2012-03-30

If you feel that all your decisions have been mistakes, you may be depressed and you should consider therapy. If you can do something about the depression, then you may find yourself getting a clearer picture of what you really want. In the meantime get any kind of job you can, even if it's at a coffee shop or something, to bring some money in and get out of the house.

Don't know what to do.... - Zgarbas - 2012-03-30

Just get a job (if Hungary is anything like Romania from that point of view, your major should be enough to land you something in your field), move out and deal with it, I guess. There's no magic device to land you back in time and you're a bit too old to be sitting around wondering what to do. If you just stand there thinking how you went wrong about things and how your major was wrong and how you want to be a physicist et co you're only going to stagnate.

So, man up and move on.

Just my two cents.

(and hey, your decision could've been worse. you could've majored in something completely useless with no job perspective whatsoever like us English majors!)

P.S. if you're into wanting something else then you can just work and study at home in your free time. Physicist is far-fetched, but IT is not. It's not impossible once you learn basic time manangement and have some motivation.

Don't know what to do.... - wccrawford - 2012-03-30

So you don't have a job? That's your first problem. Go get one. Try for a nice one, but settle for what you can get. Earning your own money and being your own person changes things a lot. Rip that silver spoon out of your mouth and go face the real world.

Don't know what to do.... - Hashiriya - 2012-03-30

Time to face the REAL world Wink If you have a degree already, you could always try living in a foreign country as a teacher of English or as a teacher of what you have studied already.

Don't know what to do.... - Raschaverak - 2012-03-30

Yeah, and I have a feeling that I am going to like it Big Grin Put myself out there and do things the best of my abilities.

Don't know what to do.... - ファブリス - 2012-03-30

OP Wrote:I have to come up with a plan and real soon, because I have to move
Why do you have to "move", and where?

Somewhere "else" perhaps?

What if you move somewhere "else" and then you find it's "here" and you didn't move? Smile

PS: Oh nevermind I see you have a more pressing necessity to become financially independent? Still maybe my tongue-in-cheek comment can invite some out of the box inspiration. Cheers.

Don't know what to do.... - Zgarbas - 2012-03-30

Hashiriya Wrote:Time to face the REAL world Wink If you have a degree already, you could always try living in a foreign country as a teacher of English or as a teacher of what you have studied already.
Who actually hires English teachers from Eastern Europe without them having coughed up 1500$ for ESOL or CELTA?

Don't know what to do.... - Raschaverak - 2012-03-30

ファブリス Wrote:
OP Wrote:I have to come up with a plan and real soon, because I have to move
Why do you have to "move", and where?

Somewhere "else" perhaps?

What if you move somewhere "else" and then you find it's "here" and you didn't move? Smile

PS: Oh nevermind I see you have a more pressing necessity to become financially independent? Still maybe my tongue-in-cheek comment can invite some out of the box inspiration. Cheers.
I want to grow up, I'm still a child. Can't take responsibility. Even whining here on there forums feels childish enough, haha. I just don't know what I want to do, really. The things which interest me are far-fetched. Maybe I will try to get some low-level jobs, and then move on.

Don't know what to do.... - Fillanzea - 2012-03-30

Clinical depression screening test:

http://nano.xerox.com/pair/cw/testing.html

Don't know what to do.... - Raschaverak - 2012-03-30

I'm taking medication for depression right now, I was diagnoses with that, unfortunatelly.
So really, I should not go abroad before I'm totally fixed, but I've lost patiente, I think going aborad, will give me a wake up call, or something.

Don't know what to do.... - IceCream - 2012-03-30

Zgarbas Wrote:you're a bit too old to be sitting around wondering what to do.
he's only 27, give him a break...

i've met quite a few people who changed career at 45-50, let alone 27.

And it's not particularly far fetched to become a physicist either, (even at the grand old age of 27!! :O) but you do have to be prepared to study very hard, which i guess isn't the case here. (for now, anyway)

@Raschaverak: i guess i said this before, but there's some extent to which there's no way you can know without actually taking a step and doing something. Stop thinking of the past as "mistakes"... it's not a mistake, it's just a learning process. You tried something, you found out you didn't like it. Well, fine, now you don't have to do that again. It's no big deal. So try something else instead, and if you hate that, so what? Now you can cross another type of job off your possible list.

Like Kame said, you just have to follow your gut.

p.s. "The easiest way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others" -Gandhi.

Don't know what to do.... - bflatnine - 2012-03-30

Pick a foreign country to move to. I know for a fact that if your conversational English is good you can find good-paying work as a tutor in Taiwan. Even a regular English teacher with a work permit/resident card at some schools (some only say "native speakers preferred"). I'm sure it's that way in other countries too. Live abroad for a few years, meet new people, make friends from as many other countries as possible, expose yourself to new ideas. Keep your eyes open for opportunities. It's amazing talking to some of the foreigners here who have set up successful local businesses, you hear some great stories.

I find that even the bad decisions in my past have helped lead me to where I am now, pursuing a career that I have a passion and talent for. And don't think 27 is too old to change fields or any of that nonsense. I'm 27 now, and I'll be starting my MA at 28 (doing the prerequisite language training first), and my PhD around 30. That's not unusual at all. Average age to finish a PhD in the humanities is 36 or something, so I'm probably right on track. I have a friend in his forties who is currently doing his PhD in Chinese Literature, but his Master's was in electrical engineering something like 10 years ago.

I've seen so many people who get stuck in a rut and are afraid to get out because they don't think they can leave their current situation behind for whatever reason. You can! It's easy, you just buy a plane ticket, arrange your visa, pack your stuff, and go. If you don't have the money for a plane ticket, get whatever job you can for now and save up for the move. Living with your parents, it should be easy to save up enough to move somewhere else and get settled in comfortably.

The main thing is to do something different! You need a change of scenery.

Don't know what to do.... - ファブリス - 2012-03-30

Raschaverak Wrote:I want to grow up, I'm still a child. Can't take responsibility. Even whining here on there forums feels childish enough, haha. I just don't know what I want to do, really. The things which interest me are far-fetched. Maybe I will try to get some low-level jobs, and then move on.
It's not childish. There is honesty in that post, and that's the beginning of freedom. Freedom/peace of mind doesn't come in a pretty package.

You also had the insight to say that you were *diagnosed* with depression. Some people believe they *are* depression. Big difference.

I have been running for twenty years only to find I was running away from myself. Oh the irony. It doesn't matter what you "achieve" in life, you'll aways end in the same place. And I don't mean death, I mean you always end up with "me" or "I".

So perhaps the only place really worthwhile to go is within?

Pills can't do that for you. Nobody can.

Don't know what to do.... - Raschaverak - 2012-03-30

ファブリス Wrote:
Raschaverak Wrote:I want to grow up, I'm still a child. Can't take responsibility. Even whining here on there forums feels childish enough, haha. I just don't know what I want to do, really. The things which interest me are far-fetched. Maybe I will try to get some low-level jobs, and then move on.
It's not childish. There is honesty in that post, and that's the beginning of freedom. Freedom/peace of mind doesn't come in a pretty package.

You also had the insight to say that you were *diagnosed* with depression. Some people believe they *are* depression. Big difference.

I have been running for twenty years only to find I was running away from myself. Oh the irony. It doesn't matter what you "achieve" in life, you'll aways end in the same place. And I don't mean death, I mean you always end up with "me" or "I".

So perhaps the only place really worthwhile to go is within?

Pills can't do that for you. Nobody can.
Exactly. Besides you sound just like my doctor. Go within. But why? How? Some people think it is easy sitting at home, and doing nothing (besides applying for jobs all day, and studying something in between - heck I could not even sleep with meds yesterday, damn it) believe me it could be a bigger hell than....hm, I don't know. I've been thinking really really hard what to do, been visiting career-experts, doing personality tests, psychologists. So these are the outer sources. But when I try to listen to what's inside....theres nothing. I don't know. Wait, I do. I should be analyzing data from a great telescope in Chile, and trying to figure out the universe. Besides that I'm lost. I guess I should just buckle up, and start doing something, sitting home and thinking will not give a solution - it neither did in the past few months.
Really, how do you listen to you inner self? It's hard, haha.

Don't know what to do.... - IceCream - 2012-03-30

well, there are other jobs to do with telescopes yknow... like this: http://www.saao.ac.za/fileadmin/files/Jobs/Telescope_Operator_advert.pdf . They don't all require astronomy degrees.

You could follow the links from this site: http://astro.nineplanets.org/bigeyes.html and look at the types of jobs on offer, what they require, and see if they interest you. Then try to get some money together and go & do an internship if available, or write to them and ask for one if not. That would raise your chances of getting a job, and you could find out whether you are really interested in it on a day to day level, or are just attracted to the glamour of it... and travel as well at the same time.

If you did get a job afterwards, you can learn while doing it, and then go back and study at a later date if you feel like it.

EDIT: you've been on about wanting to do things with telescopes and space for years now. That IS your gut reaction, btw. It's what you keep coming back to. So, go for it. It doesn't have to be the traditional route, there are other ways into the field too...

Don't know what to do.... - Zgarbas - 2012-03-30

IceCream Wrote:
Zgarbas Wrote:you're a bit too old to be sitting around wondering what to do.
he's only 27, give him a break...

I've met quite a few people who changed career at 45-50, let alone 27. .
There's a big difference between a change of careers and sitting around wondering what to do. From personal funds(to afford the said change) to plain ol' life experience and the ability to maintain both studies and work. It's easier to go from "I work 8 hours a day" to "I work 8 hours and study 5" than from "I do nothing" to that.

I know how it's like to be held back by things you have no control over like depression, but it's not an excuse to do nothing. There's only so much you can expect your parents to handle for you. And when your parents are telling you to move out then you're too old to just sit around waiting for an opportunity to magically fly towards you.

The job market is in a weird place right now, and there's simply not enough room left for people with no experience. And even outside-the-field experience helps(at least yourself, if not your resume), since you at least know how to actually work and get to learn how to keep your brain in track. Employers are more understanding of you when you have experience behind you than when you're just a newbie which can be replaced in a day. That telescope operator thing is cool and all but notice the Math/2 years of slightly related job experience required, and it's one of the more understanding job ads imho. And the only way to get experience is to...get a job.

Don't know what to do.... - ファブリス - 2012-03-30

OP Wrote:Really, how do you listen to you inner self? It's hard, haha.
No wonder. Where is it? Have you seen it? Is it like a miniature Leprechaun? Go find it and post a photo here.

What is an "inner self"? If it's something other than a mere concept or belief, then let's define its *observed* qualities in our experience.

Sit silently and maybe watch for what is *actually* here. Doesn't have to be "physical", after all science already demonstrated that the world is mostly space. Thoughts are very real in your experience, yet not "physical". You can not deny their existence. So try to sit silently once in a while for 15 min putting aside any projects, and see what is actually here, in experience. That might give you some answers.

OP Wrote:Besides that I'm lost. I guess I should just buckle up, and start doing something, sitting home and thinking will not give a solution - it neither did in the past few months.
Being lost is good. Again, that is honesty. Then you will find something to do and you will pretend like everyone else that you are not lost. Until you have nothing to do and the cycle repeats itself.

Everything people do is contextual. Without context, people are completely lost. Some people for example simply can't live once they have lost a partner in life, or their job or career is over.

You wonder what it is to go within? It's turning your attention to your thoughts and experience. Question all assumptions. For example if you believe you are lost. What does it mean exactly? Are you lost in space? In time? Lost according to whom or what? If it's an expression, then what is the intended meaning? Then again examine the underlying meaning, and so on. Write that down somewhere, keep a journal. Tear down every negative self thought you have until the "true" bits remain. This can be a very powerful process.

Thinking definitely doesn't get anywhere unless you read a lot and challenge your thoughts. Otherwise it's just circlejerking. The mind will just feedback on itself.

If philosophy is too dry for you (it definitely is for me), check out Alan Watts on YouTube (with an "S" the other one is a conspiracy freak). He talks a lot of nonduality, so it may be a bit much?, but he is an excellent and very humorous philosopher so you can find some good stuff. eg:

Alan Watts "Thinking"




I'm sitting at home all day too, sometimes taking a walk. It's the most valuable time in my life right now. I feel I have grown a lot over the past three months. Reading lots of stuff and keeping a journal. Again, all is in context.

Even when I was browsing "alternative" sites you know, it was a good lesson. I was checking out crop circles, ufos and all that. It was a sort of escape if you will. But I also saw it as a way of challenging all my beliefs. And one day I was so into these sites, my heart started beating like a ten ton truck as it dawned on me: I'm not certain what's true anymore! Wow. It was very scary. I read enough of meditation stuff so I just looked with my eyes at the desk, the keyboard, my hands... and realized, even if everything was removed from under my feet, there it is: experience. It needs no commentary, or belief. My point being no matter what you read, everything has got a purpose eventually.

peace,

Doctor F. Wink

PS: And if you haven't seen it yet check out Koyaanisqatsi. It's only images and music from Philip Glass. There is no commentary. So make your own mind. It's real life, real people.




Don't know what to do.... - IceCream - 2012-03-30

Zgarbas Wrote:There's a big difference between a change of careers and sitting around wondering what to do. From personal funds(to afford the said change) to plain ol' life experience and the ability to maintain both studies and work. It's easier to go from "I work 8 hours a day" to "I work 8 hours and study 5" than from "I do nothing" to that.

I know how it's like to be held back by things you have no control over like depression, but it's not an excuse to do nothing. There's only so much you can expect your parents to handle for you. And when your parents are telling you to move out then you're too old to just sit around waiting for an opportunity to magically fly towards you.

The job market is in a weird place right now, and there's simply not enough room left for people with no experience. And even outside-the-field experience helps(at least yourself, if not your resume), since you at least know how to actually work and get to learn how to keep your brain in track. Employers are more understanding of you when you have experience behind you than when you're just a newbie which can be replaced in a day. That telescope operator thing is cool and all but notice the Math/2 years of slightly related job experience required, and it's one of the more understanding job ads imho. And the only way to get experience is to...get a job.
Well, i think even those 40-50 year olds who go for a massive career change later in life probably also sit around thinking "i hate my life, i hate my job, what am i going to do?" for a little while. It's just part of the process for a lot of people, i guess.

Yeah, i'm not advocating sitting around and doing nothing, or waiting for an opportunity to pop up out of thin air either. Essentially, you do have to take a step and just do something.

But it shouldn't be just "anything" either. Otherwise, what's going to happen in 3, or 5, or 10 years time? Well, he'll likely be in the same position as he is now, regretting the time he's wasted. If he's saving up for something specific, like, to travel and volunteer at a large telescope site, then sure, he should take any job. But it's better if he has -some- plan, i think, and is doing something that can lead to something.

Volunteering is a great way to figure out something you enjoy doing, and making contacts in an industry, especially if there aren't many real opportunities around, and especially for jobs that aren't business orientated.

And anyway, totally unconnected experience just isn't that helpful. It shows you can work, sure but you often get typecast into one job and then it can be very hard to change. Even the people i've met who career changed late had to volunteer as well as studying. Working a part time job and volunteering in something close to what you want to do is probably better than just taking any old full time job and hoping for the best.

The telescope job i posted itself was random, just one of the first links i went to, probably all the sites have that kind of thing. It wasn't to say "look, apply for this", but "look, there are jobs that don't require astronomy degrees, have a look around these sites and think about another way into what you think you'll enjoy".

We all only have one shot at life, so there's no point in spending the majority of it doing something you're not interested in. Of course, sometimes it's necessary to spend time like that!!! But if you have something that you want to do, and that thought keeps coming back to you, you shouldn't waste that either, i think.

Anyway, in Raschaverak's case, i think he needs to make a firm decision. He keeps talking about wanting to do something in Astronomy, but when it comes to it, he doesn't want to spend the time and effort, and possible financial loss involved in getting there. So he has to really decide one way or another... just totally throw away this thought that astronomy is what he wants to do, or else just get on and go for it, and deal with the negatives that go along with that. But if he does neither, he's going to just end up swaying from one side to another permenantly, feeling like a victim of his own decisions, and always regretting the past, i guess.

Don't know what to do.... - dtcamero - 2012-03-30

ファブリス Wrote:PS: And if you haven't seen it yet check out Koyaanisqatsi. It's only images and music from Philip Glass. There is no commentary. So make your own mind. It's real life, real people.


ya i never realized how beautiful the challenger disaster was until I watched that movie... totally disturbing and awesome.



Don't know what to do.... - mizunooto - 2012-03-31

Many people are drifting. They may not realise it but they are. Yet to me the real drifters are often people who've followed the required course of life. If you don't yet have a car a job a family a pension plan then don't worry.

We're all lucky we can have the luxury of wondering what we 'should' do. Plenty of people don't have that. They are just trying to survive! But I think that for those who do worry about if they've made the right choice, then to them that is as important as survival. If our spirit is not surviving then what is happening to us?

First of all, you don't have any negatives in your life. Just things that have happened that got you where you are today. And I doubt that you know less than you did at the beginning, I doubt that you have less direction than before, so therefore you are getting somewhere. As the dissatisfaction increases, so do the chances that you will get to the answer!

If you were trying to get to a physical location and you said to us "I don't know where I am and I don't know where I want to go" then we would still be able to help you. We would ask if you had seen any signs pointing to the right direction. Still it would be difficult without knowing where you want to go.

Your true direction is something that makes you happy. Something you want to do. Signs include - feeling excited, wanting to spend your time doing it, you would do it for free, you love it, if it was illegal you would still do it, it helps you grow, doing it makes you feel stronger than before, wow I can't believe I actually do this...and also a bit of anxiety about starting.

Be grateful for everything, really appreciate it because it all helps you to get where you are going. Even if you are going nowhere you are still going!

See everything as a positive. If you can't see the positive then learn how to.

About skills: if I said to you "I really want to read this Japanese poem but I don't know Japanese", what would you say to me? Skills are acquirable. You can get them if you want them! "I want to drive a car but I can't" - learn how!

Another sign of the right direction is that it helps people somehow. That's also useful because people will reward you for helping them. The more useful, the more reward!

"I always wanted to do this but I never did" <--- is this going to be you in the future?

There is no penalty for going nowhere, but there is a reward for going somewhere deliberately. To do that, the ship needs to have a direction and the captain has to issue an order. Oh yes, they have to find the captain first Wink

If there is something you want to do, you CAN do it. But if you do not do it, then you will not be able to do it. You can either start or not start.

Listen to yourself. It's you! Must be important~

Don't know what to do.... - Tzadeck - 2012-03-31

I think after I leave Japan I'm going to go back to school and try to get a PhD in physics, but I'll have to go through some undergrad again (I did humanities my first time through undergrad). I'll leave Japan at 27.

So, if you really wanna do it, you can. I'm nervous about it too, but it's my plan at the moment.

I also don't have any money. In fact, I'm in debt. But, I can defer my old loans and the new ones I'm going to have until I'm out of grad school. Grad school in the US is pretty much free in the sciences since a lot of places won't take you unless you're doing research assistantships anyway, which pays for your tuition. So I'm planning on basically going back to school for about 8 years, being poor as shit, and then hopefully getting a career and a wife in my mid-thirties.

I'm soooo spoiled after almost four years with a JET salary though, haha.

(I spend all the money I make now on women, traveling, and alcohol. Hence why I haven't payed off my loans)