Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people?

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - Printable Version

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Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - fakewookie - 2011-09-09

I've just arrived and all my friends are gaijin. I'm 22. What's the best way to go about building a circle of Japanese friends?

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - syntoad - 2011-09-09

I went on japan-guide.com (a penpal site) and put up an ad looking for friends. I would get three or four replies a day and met quite a few people that way (including my now girlfriend.) Make sure you are using the classifieds and not their "japan-guide friends" because the latter is actually a dating site.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - syntoad - 2011-09-09

Also given your age I would check out nearby colleges. Another way I met lots of people was by joining an international club at a local college. Most of the people I met were foreign students there, but also I met quite a few Japanese people that way.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - mezbup - 2011-09-09

First of all, what's your level of Japanese like?

Second of all... be ruthless. By that I mean make it a rule to have absolutely no foreign friends. Even if that means you have no friends at all... well then you'll just fill your time watching lots of Japanese tv and your Japanese will get better.

For the actual making of friends... this may sound like a catch .22 but it's easiest to make friends through other friends. I've gotten to know a lot of my Japanese friends that way although lots I've made by going to various conversation clubs that are held in my city (Auckland).

A good way to make friends is definitely join clubs/do activities you're interested in. A local sports team for instance (if that's what you're into, just a suggestion) could be a really great way to make some great mates.

I guess the bottom line is whatever you do, don't hang out with ANY gaijin. If you actually care about getting good at Japanese make it ur number one rule.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - fakewookie - 2011-09-11

syntoad Wrote:I went on japan-guide.com (a penpal site) and put up an ad looking for friends. I would get three or four replies a day and met quite a few people that way (including my now girlfriend.) Make sure you are using the classifieds and not their "japan-guide friends" because the latter is actually a dating site.

I've made an ad now and got a bunch of responses, so hopefully that will go somewhere.

mezbup Wrote:First of all, what's your level of Japanese like?

Second of all... be ruthless. By that I mean make it a rule to have absolutely no foreign friends. Even if that means you have no friends at all... well then you'll just fill your time watching lots of Japanese tv and your Japanese will get better.

For the actual making of friends... this may sound like a catch .22 but it's easiest to make friends through other friends. I've gotten to know a lot of my Japanese friends that way although lots I've made by going to various conversation clubs that are held in my city (Auckland).

A good way to make friends is definitely join clubs/do activities you're interested in. A local sports team for instance (if that's what you're into, just a suggestion) could be a really great way to make some great mates.

I guess the bottom line is whatever you do, don't hang out with ANY gaijin. If you actually care about getting good at Japanese make it ur number one rule.

I would say that my Japanese is good but definitely needs improvement. Sometimes it's fluent as hell and I feel awesome, sometimes (usually if I'm nervous for whatever reason) my pronunciation gets all gaijiny. I need to work on making it more consistent.

And yeah, I need to get a TV and just have it on constantly when I'm at home. I'm sure I could get a cheap one in Akihabara, don't need anything fancy.

Definitely going to look into what my university has as far as clubs and activities go.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - Jarvik7 - 2011-09-11

Why has no one mentioned bars yet?

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - theasianpleaser - 2011-09-11

Jarvik7 Wrote:Why has no one mentioned bars yet?

Excellent suggestion. This will end this month but anymore working in the automotive industry is working Saturday through Wednesday. Wednesday nights are the best times to go to an izakaya to meet people.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - yudantaiteki - 2011-09-11

mezbup Wrote:Second of all... be ruthless. By that I mean make it a rule to have absolutely no foreign friends. Even if that means you have no friends at all... .

That's terrible advice. There's no reason to be a dick just because you want to improve your Japanese.

When I read stuff like this it makes me think that the person doesn't want friends, instead they're treating Japanese people like Core 2000 sentence decks or some other AJATT thing. It's the same thing when elsewhere I've seen people say things like "don't let your Japanese friends speak English with you"; it's not up to you to unilaterally decide what language is going to be spoken. There's a reason people charge money for eikaiwa and things like that.

You can have both Japanese and non-Japanese friends. Of course there is safety in the non-Japanese friends but the solution to that isn't to avoid all non-Japanese people.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - Jarvik7 - 2011-09-11

theasianpleaser Wrote:
Jarvik7 Wrote:Why has no one mentioned bars yet?
Excellent suggestion. This will end this month but anymore working in the automotive industry is working Saturday through Wednesday. Wednesday nights are the best times to go to an izakaya to meet people.

Thank jebus. I'm tired of working weekends - can't attend any events or go drinking with the majority of my friends. Thankfully the gf works at Toyota though.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - thurd - 2011-09-14

Jarvik7 Wrote:Why has no one mentioned bars yet?

You mean izakayas? Or are there special bars where Japanese are bit more loose and open, possibly with stronger alcohol?

Also what strategy do you use there, going in a group didn't really work out for me so far, 0 interaction with people from outside. But going alone seems like I'm having drinking problems Big Grin

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - thurd - 2011-09-14

tokyostyle Wrote:The whole "I'm alone and it's weird" thing is all in your head. Just stop thinking that negative crap. Remember you are there to be social and make friends and that's a good and positive thing!

Good pep talk, I'll try to get rid of my negativity. Maybe I'll also get rid of some bad thetans, Tom Cruise would be proud.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - Tzadeck - 2011-09-14

thurd Wrote:Also what strategy do you use there, going in a group didn't really work out for me so far, 0 interaction with people from outside. But going alone seems like I'm having drinking problems

In my experience it's all about finding the right bars, and as was said, making friends with the staff. I know one izakaya where I know the owner really well, and she introduces me to everyone who comes in pretty much (and she also is kind of trying to hook me up with a cute girl, haha). I know another bar where the guy is super cool and he'll also introduce me to people.

And, last, in Kyoto I know two bars that are really easy to meet people at. One is generally just for hitting on women, one is for meeting people in general, haha.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - travis - 2011-09-14

Try couch surfing, usually there's some sort of weekly or monthly meet up.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - Jarvik7 - 2011-09-14

thurd Wrote:
Jarvik7 Wrote:Why has no one mentioned bars yet?
You mean izakayas?

Nope. Japan has bars, izakaya, chain izakaya, pubs, clubs, tachinomiya, gaijin bars etc.
All are good places to meet people, though a gaijin bar is generally the easiest (especially if you don't have the best Japanese) and will have the youngest people (along with clubs), though the alcohol is often bad and expensive. Izakaya can be fun, but normally only older people frequent them and some places can be insular. Chain izakaya are a waste of time since people don't mingle, though they are good to go with established friends.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - Javizy - 2011-09-14

yudantaiteki Wrote:You can have both Japanese and non-Japanese friends. Of course there is safety in the non-Japanese friends but the solution to that isn't to avoid all non-Japanese people.

I'm inclined to agree with this. I'm sure mezbup had illiterate, Roppongi-frequenting white guys in mind, but it's a silly generalisation. I'm sure a lot of people on this board would make good friends and could even benefit your Japanese.

Personally, I had a good day out with my Chinese friend when I was in Japan, and learnt more from her than from the native I met the day before. As a further bonus it was all 建前-free. I wasn't meeting and ranking them based on how much I learnt from them though; I just wasn't discriminating. As long as you don't get completely sucked into a gaijin bubble (which seems unlikely for 日本語 enthusiasts), there's no reason you can't be friends with whoever.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - syntoad - 2011-09-14

Javizy Wrote:I'm inclined to agree with this. I'm sure mezbup had illiterate, Roppongi-frequenting white guys in mind, but it's a silly generalisation. I'm sure a lot of people on this board would make good friends and could even benefit your Japanese.

I hear a Japan meetup coming on!

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - methanol - 2011-12-18

1. Be charismatic, interesting and sincere.
2. Learn to differentiate between people who are legitimately interested in who you are and what you have to say, and those who are too polite to tell your ugly, mendacious gaijin ass off. The more you do step 1, the less chance of encountering the latter.
3. Get on national TV, preferably on a comedy spot. Now you are a superstar and 1 in 5 people will recognize you anywhere you go.

This 3 step process worked well for me.

Bonus: Don't speak Japanese unless you are really capable of carrying real conversation. Not gaijin conversation like what school are you from and what is your major.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - fakewookie - 2011-12-18

Ha, I made this thread about four days after arriving here. Now that I've been here for three months I have tonnes of friends and everything's cool.

^I've been on Japanese TV three times :3

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - apirx - 2011-12-18

How did you get from no friends to celebrity in 3 months?

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - lardycake - 2011-12-19

apirx Wrote:How did you get from no friends to celebrity in 3 months?

Yeah wtf, teach me of this wisdom.

Those who live in Japan - how do you meet people? - einahpets - 2011-12-19

methanol Wrote:Bonus: Don't speak Japanese unless you are really capable of carrying real conversation. Not gaijin conversation like what school are you from and what is your major.

I don't agree with this at all. Of course a conversation will be more successful the more fluent you are but you have to start somewhere. When I first arrived in Japan my Japanese wasn't very good, but I made an effort to greet the other teachers at the school where I was working in Japanese and make whatever small talk I could. Same for conversations with other students at the school where I was studying music. At first it was difficult but some of them became great friends.