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日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - Printable Version

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日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - Tori-kun - 2011-08-10

Hey folks,

as IceCream started a topic here () especially about your communicational/conversational skills, I'd like to know if you write also something in Japanese and if you do, if you could post it! I wonder if there are users on this forum like our dear Nuriko, who can kindly rate/evaluate from a learner's perspective on our/your written texts/essays/etc. Smile

Then, I start off with my scribbling..

【映画】ハナミズキ（２０１０）

※　このごろ俺の聴解を向上するために、ＣＤの会話を聞いてみるばかりでなく日本の映画も見ています。特にドラマが好きな人だと思います。そのために北海道に住んでいる二人の愛についてのドラマを選択した。（多分、ネイティブを映画のタイトルは少し変な気持ちがさせるかもしれないけど、本当に「鼻水」の関係がないね。ｗ）

「運転できる？？」
康平くんとさえちゃんは電車に乗りながら知り合います。その時、さえちゃんは学校に行くかわりに、康平君は自動車学校に行く。事故で電車が止まっています。さえちゃんは学校で早稲田の大学の入学試験に間に合わなければなりませんけど。だから、康平君と一緒に電車から出て康平君のおじさんの家へ走っています。残念ながらおじさんが（は）留守で、車でさえちゃんを学校まで送り込めない。さえちゃんは康平君を「運転できるの？」と聞いてみます。　－面白い話の始めです。言うまでもないことですが、康平君は運転できない。しかし、映画の過程に紗枝ちゃんは早稲田の大学入試件を受かって東京に移転します。早稲田の大学を入学するのが紗枝ちゃんの子供の時（子供頃？）の夢だったけれども、もうじき康平君のことが大好きだったのも（が）気づいています。康平くんは漁師として北海道でお父さんと働いていますので、たくさんお金がないし、東京に行くのが難しいし。６年間に紗枝ちゃんと一緒に遠距離恋愛をしています。しかし、紗枝ちゃんの命には純一という男が姿を現した。純一君も好きです。そして、康平君のことをゆっくり忘れてしまいます。純一くんと一緒にニューヨークに住んでいって、生活を楽しんでいます。

※ 結論と評論
遠距離恋愛というテーマについての映画を見たかったら、この映画は最高です。俺は自分自身で遠距離恋愛のことをよく知っていますから、この映画はリアルだ思います。でも、純一君は写真家としてイラクで写真を撮りながら亡くなっているのが悲しいだけではなく不適当です。紗枝ちゃんはまた北海道に帰省して、康平君を見たとたんに愛するように気持ちがするので、「不適当」です。

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - SendaiDan - 2011-08-10

Hey Tori-kun

If you really want to practice writing I can't recommend lang-8 enough. You can write entries as much as you like and native Japanese speakers will comment and fix any mistakes you make. I use it, though not as much as I would like to - I really need to make more effort to write on there but sometimes I can't think of topics.

Two suggestions I would offer about what you wrote that Japanese people told me on lang-8;

1. Either use all ます form or all plain form when writing, I noticed you use a mixture of both.
2. When you wrote "遠距離恋愛というテーマについての映画を見たかったら、この映画は最高です。" I would use 遠距離恋愛というテーマについての映画を見たいなら, この映画は最高です。" Some Japanese people commented to me that it is more natural and grammatical to use なら in this case.

But definitely check it out Wink

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - Tori-kun - 2011-08-10

Hey SendaiDan

I am registered at lang8 and received great correctings on this piece of writing of mine. I really like this service - for free! You correct their writings and get good corrections back; you can even ask them to explain something and they will always help you out.
Why I started this topic here on koohii is, because I thought you guys also are writing something and I'd like to see your approaches at writing, what phrasings you use or in general, how you think in Japanese when you write. Perhaps one or another learner from the forum can give advice and tips of another kind you would not probably get from native speakers.

Concerning the なら grammar; it wasn't corrected by no one so far (2 corrected my whole text, but not this part. Seems like たら　is ok here as well, but なら　could have been also a choice, you're right.)

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - Nuriko - 2011-08-10

Hey there - just stopping by real quick to say it's definitely possible to mix です・ます調 and だ・た・る sentence endings in writing, according to one of my lang-8 buddies' entries (believe me - I thought it to be strange at first, too). I'm still awaiting her reply to see if I can share her entry, so hang tight until then Smile It's a very well done entry so I'm not sure if I can represent the info in my own words, but I'll try if she does not wish for me to share it.

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - yudantaiteki - 2011-08-10

Nuriko Wrote:Hey there - just stopping by real quick to say it's definitely possible to mix です・ます調 and だ・た・る sentence endings in writing, according to one of my lang-8 buddies' entries (believe me - I thought it to be strange at first, too). I'm still awaiting her reply to see if I can share her entry, so hang tight until then Smile It's a very well done entry so I'm not sure if I can represent the info in my own words, but I'll try if she does not wish for me to share it.
It's definitely possible in more informal writing, but it's not an easy thing to do. You can't simply mix the forms randomly if you want it to sound like something a native speaker would write. I think it's better to keep it all one or the other until you get a good handle on using the forms, then you can start seeing where native speakers switch.

(Although sometimes native speakers aren't sure what to do either; sometimes they switch back and forth because they don't know which style is the most appropriate -- so mixing them may not be too deleterious.)

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - Nuriko - 2011-08-10

yudantaiteki Wrote:I think it's better to keep it all one or the other until you get a good handle on using the forms, then you can start seeing where native speakers switch.
That is good advice - I, too, would say that's the best until one reaches a certain level and feels comfortable experimenting with it (of course, with the help of native speakers). My friend's entry is very insightful and could help users take a look into how the balance between です・ます調 and だ・た・る can be maintained. So, if I can, I hope to share it or paraphrase it myself later.

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - Thora - 2011-08-10

Mixing of formality and tense is one of the things I find most difficult. I don't think I've read enough fiction. If I recall correctly, I think Senko Maynard has a section on formality mixing in her discourse book and one of the Dictionaries of * Grammar has an appendix on mixing tenses.

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - Nuriko - 2011-08-10

My friend on lang-8 has very eagerly let me share her blog entry about mixing です・ます調 and だ・た・る effectively. It's actually part of a series of five entries, and she recommends that you read all five in order for it to all make sense and not seem misleading in any way.

Here is the first in the set:
http://lang-8.com/264913/journals/1038353/Writing-Japanese-%25281%2529-Personal-Impersonal

You will learn more about the "balancing act" of mixing formalities in part 3.

She has made all her Japanese-language-related posts public, so you will be able to see some other helpful entries as well.

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - Tori-kun - 2011-08-11

Thanks for the link to lang-8, nuriko! It's interesting, hm..

日本語の文／Your Japanese Writings - pudding cat - 2011-08-11

Thanks Nuriko! Those lang-8 entries are vey interesting Smile