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English Is Easy? (fun read) - ファブリス - 2007-06-10

Let us spare a moment of respect to the valiant Japanese who are learning what is often considered one of the easiest languages in the world.

I found this article in a PDF file during some random Googl'ing, and thought I'd share as it is a fun read, and interesting to see the other side of the picture.

PS: the PDF below also contains an article about "Omoimasu vs. Omotteimasu".

Source: MO K U Y O K A I, 2003 October Vol. 29 (PDF document).

English Is Easy?
by Elizabeth Baba

This should rattle your brain a little....
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on.
If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave.
Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the resent, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!).

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don?t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes
off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


English Is Easy? (fun read) - Megaqwerty - 2007-06-10

On the subject of homophones, you could probably reproduce the first half of that piece in Japanese or Korean given the ludicrous amounts of homophones in those languages.

Versus virtually any other language, English has incredible simple conjugations: most verbs have only three (of which every dictionary will list every time), due to the innovation that are auxiliary verbs.

And,yes, huzzah for German artifacts! And the vast spelling inconsistencies resulting from the vast import of various words from various languages! I mean, it just wouldn't be English without them.

To add to the list of objects not consisting of their compound namesakes: a titmouse is neither a tit nor a mouse; it's a bird.


English Is Easy? (fun read) - RoboTact - 2007-06-10

Ambiguity is hardly a problem at all in language learning. Main problem an opposite one: when you have required vocabulary but can't say what you want correctly (complex grammar).


English Is Easy? (fun read) - Herumouni - 2007-06-10

As Megaqwerty has said, the homophones shouldn't be a problem. Also, I know for Japanese who know English fluently or nearly fluently; one you wouldn't know they were foreign unless you asked, another just took the level 2 test for English. English isn't hard even for the Japanese. Smile


English Is Easy? (fun read) - Mighty_Matt - 2007-06-10

Quote:We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.


You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
When couldn't the plural of pan be called pen?


The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
But I give a boot--would a pair be called beet?


If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular is this and plural is these,
Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be called kese?


Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose;
We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.


The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
So our English, I think you will all agree,
Is the trickiest language you ever did see.


I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?


Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.


And dead; it's said like bed, not bead;
For goodness' sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat.
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.)


A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there.
And dear and fear for bear and pear.


And then there's close and rose and lose--
Just look them up--and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.


And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.
A dreadful language? Why, man alive,
I'd learned to talk it when I was five,


. . . And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!

--anonymous



English Is Easy? (fun read) - Megaqwerty - 2007-06-10

Mighty_Matt Wrote:The cow in the plural may be cows or kine
Admittedly, if you ever said "Kine!", the only response you would ever get would be a hearty "Nein!"


English Is Easy? (fun read) - ファブリス - 2007-06-10

Mighty_Matt Nice poem! THank you!


English Is Easy? (fun read) - Mighty_Matt - 2007-06-10

I have a feeling that it's actually two poems put together. There's a funny jump in the middle which doesn't seem to flow. Still makes a good point though!


English Is Easy? (fun read) - Mighty_Matt - 2007-06-10

Oh and here's another similar thing:

Quote:A thoughtful ploughman strode through the rough streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough while eating dough, he coughed and hiccoughed.
Apparently, there are 8 ways to pronounce the ough in this sentence...
? Cow - ploughman, slough
? Ball - thoughtful
? Cool - through
? Duff - rough
? ? - Scarborough
? low - dough
? of - cough
? Up - hiccough


English Is Easy? (fun read) - JimmySeal - 2007-06-10

Fun stuff, but I think #7 has a typo (I can see it's the same in the original PDF).


English Is Easy? (fun read) - vosmiura - 2007-06-11

It boggles the mind how we can learn crazy languages like this. They're all crazy! lol.


English Is Easy? (fun read) - Snesgamer - 2007-08-12

I think there's a lot more difficulties to English than even just that. No matter how many difficulties we go through with Japanese - let's just say we are extremely lucky to have learned English, probably the most useful language in the world today, as our first language!


English Is Easy? (fun read) - Megaqwerty - 2007-08-12

James D. Nicoll Wrote:The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle through their pockets for new vocabulary.
Well, there you have it.


English Is Easy? (fun read) - Ramchip - 2007-08-14

Snesgamer Wrote:let's just say we are extremely lucky to have learned English, probably the most useful language in the world today, as our first language!
Don't forget those of us who are both gajin and foreigner Wink