magamo Wrote:"Ah, thanks. So you took a look at my profile. I know I'm an intelligent person with a great personality and have never been penetrated by a guy, though I had been groped by random people in a train when I was a high schooler. But sorry. I can't be yours.

IceCream Wrote:I have to disagree that needy people can be happy though. I have never ever met one who is. Even the high maintenance girls i've met are generally unhappy. The fact of it is, that feeling of really really needing someone - it isn't a nice feeling!! It's too strong a feeling, so how can someone be happy going round feeling like that? It's really painful to feel like that!!

The point is that that feeling, no matter what you give someone, you can't fulfill it! So the situation ends up getting out of control.

IceCream Wrote:So please, try to differentiate needy and high maintenance from a solid gf who wants to share life and experiences with you. In every solid relationship there ends up being some kind of mutual dependence after a while, and this is healthy. Actively encouraging needy behaviour in girls will not generally end in healthy interdependence.

Kaede Wrote:I'm not too sure about the recommendations for TheTrueBlue to go look for this girl in libraries and bookstores. I personally love libraries and bookstores, but I think if someone like him randomly came up and tried to talk to me in one I'd be finding a new library or bookstore to go to. Or be sure to take a friend with me next time.

Kaede Wrote:And bookstores in Japan are full of people standing and reading who also seem like they don't want to be bothered.

Aijin Wrote:TrueBlue:
I don't mean to imply that Japan is racist or anything, but in all honesty you'll have an even harder time finding a girl if you're half Chinese/half Japanese than you would if you were a wealthy and attractive American.

methanol Wrote:This thread is embarrassing. I feel embarrassed.

I want to state this as concisely as I can.

Mark my words: TheTrueBlue, start dating and having experiences right now, or rue this period for the rest of your life. If you're lucky, it's still not too late.

gibosi Wrote:You have written a rather long list of criteria you are looking for in a future wife, but in my experience (which is rather long... I am 62 years old tomorrow)

gibosi Wrote:the only things that really matter are shared core values and a shared vision of the future. Most of the other things people say they want in a future mate are not all that important. And you risk losing a potentially wonderful partner if you slavishly adhere to a list...

gibosi Wrote:I would echo as others have pointed out, that language and culture are going to huge obstacles. But they are not insurmountable. I believe you have indicated that you are 1/2 Japanese and you are studying the language, which should help you.

gibosi Wrote:And one final comment which follows on that of others. Make sure she loves you more than she needs you. A relationship based on need is not healthy for either side...
Good luck!

bodhisamaya Wrote:This is something I have been thinking but have not said. You are looking for a conservative wife, but conservative Japanese girls are most likely going to have conservative parents who generally don't approve of inter-national marriages. As an Asian-American, you are not even going to be able to take advantage of the starie eyes some Japanese girls give to Caucasian or African-American guys.

Ampharos64 Wrote:Recommend TheTrueBlue reads 'The Great Gatsby', if he hasn't, and maybe 'Of Human Bondage', though (no, this is not what it sounds like, you lot).

Aijin Wrote:As for the whole 'kawaii movement' thing...I'm not positive of what you're talking about, but I think I can guess, and in all honesty a LOT of those girls are complete and utter bitches (excuse my language). You have to remember that it's a style, a subculture, and does not reflect upon the girl's actual personality. The vast majority of those people whom I've interacted who act like that, it's just a persona for them. It's not who they really are. As soon as you actually get to know them, you realize what a stark contrast there is between that persona and who they truly are.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:こんばんは皆さん。

どれどれ。。。

magamo Wrote:"Ah, thanks. So you took a look at my profile. I know I'm an intelligent person with a great personality and have never been penetrated by a guy, though I had been groped by random people in a train when I was a high schooler. But sorry. I can't be yours.

You're right. You might be a great person, doing great things in this world, and you might make the perfect mate for any number of guys. Just like someone who likes dogs or cats can be.

But dating sites allow people to choose based on whether they're looking for a smoker or for someone who loves dogs and cats. One can think of my own uncommon stand in this matter in the same light. Virginity may be inconsequential in the worldviews of less "naive" people, if so, equate it with smoking, and think of that as the choice I make in my search.

"Is smoking, and the risks of cancer and costs that build up as important as virginity?", is not my point here so much as: "Is it something based on which people unnegotiatingly and arbitrarily discount possible mates?" (By arbitrary here, I don't mean that smoking is arbitrary, I mean that they discount smokers without even looking at their profiles or wanting to go on a first date with them if they learn of it through a friend.) Many people may think that's not the best way to go about things, but it's everyone's choice to make.

Virginity for both partners may not be important for a lasting, life-long and totally fullfilling relationship, but it can have impacts on the beginning of one, that both partners are inexperienced, and want to share this part of themselves with one another. I accept all associated risks of "neediness", "don't know what she wants..." etc.

IceCream Wrote:I have to disagree that needy people can be happy though. I have never ever met one who is. Even the high maintenance girls i've met are generally unhappy. The fact of it is, that feeling of really really needing someone - it isn't a nice feeling!! It's too strong a feeling, so how can someone be happy going round feeling like that? It's really painful to feel like that!!

The point is that that feeling, no matter what you give someone, you can't fulfill it! So the situation ends up getting out of control.

I appreciate the fact that your experiences have strongly indicated to you that needy people can't be happy. I wrote before, I'm not other people or everyone, I'm just me.

That doesn't mean I'm a super-unique snowflake (笑), but it means I get my own chance to try and mess up if I absolutely choose to take my shot at it.

4 out of 5 small businesses fail in the first year, and in the next 5 years, 4 out of 5 of those remaining also fail. But despite the 5 year success rate of a mere 4%, people jump in every day.

People from all walks of life make the tremendous investment of time, money and hopes and dreams, and make the leap of faith. And a few diligent or lucky or skilled ones are rewarded greatly. We can't control fate, but through effort and tenacity, we can tip the scales greatly in our favor.

I'll endeavor to be vigilant as per your admonishments but... I think I'll read more into needy people, psychology books, academic journal articles, and whatnot, and then maybe come back with a more definitive answer.

IceCream Wrote:So please, try to differentiate needy and high maintenance from a solid gf who wants to share life and experiences with you. In every solid relationship there ends up being some kind of mutual dependence after a while, and this is healthy. Actively encouraging needy behaviour in girls will not generally end in healthy interdependence.

IceCream, I wrote already that I won't encourage needy behavior, but that I won't say no to her either. And your point about mutual dependence is a powerful one that I totally agree with. For example if 2 people both need to see each once an hour or call 3 times a day no matter what, then they can work together to satisfy each other.

And thank you for relating the experiences of your friends.

Kaede Wrote:I'm not too sure about the recommendations for TheTrueBlue to go look for this girl in libraries and bookstores. I personally love libraries and bookstores, but I think if someone like him randomly came up and tried to talk to me in one I'd be finding a new library or bookstore to go to. Or be sure to take a friend with me next time.

Hahaha. Incidentally, I'm someone who's lucky enough to have had the genes or experiences to be naturally great with girls of all walks of life (Thank the Gods). I can't remember the last time I couldn't make a girl laugh and enjoy herself with me in any setting, library, supermarket, subway, anywhere (but it was probably back in High School). This includes platonic as well as romantic interactions.

Kaede Wrote:And bookstores in Japan are full of people standing and reading who also seem like they don't want to be bothered.

Yeah, it's the same at Barnes and Nobles stores here in NYC, especially the huge location in mid-town. But I think a kindly voiced and well-meaning: "あの。。。すみませんですが。。。この本。。。” can work in some cases in Japan. It certainly works in the states.

Aijin Wrote:TrueBlue:
I don't mean to imply that Japan is racist or anything, but in all honesty you'll have an even harder time finding a girl if you're half Chinese/half Japanese than you would if you were a wealthy and attractive American.

Of course Japan is racist, every nation and peoples are racist. It's just part of present day society (or some might argue, human nature) is all. しょうがない。

I agree with you. But I'm not my nationalities, those labels are arbitrary constructions. I'll chat and hang out and answer questions, but if anyone thinks I'm Japanese because I don't have an accent or aren't white, it's not my concern to run around screaming "I'm a halfling!" Of course before I make any serious commitments I would be honest about it, but if it gets to that point, and the girl that I've decided on (who feels strongly for me as I do for her) reneges solely based on nationality, then I'll have to look for someone else.

I had this inner debate with myself before. Am I Japanese, American or Chinese, or all? In the end I decided, I am who I am, you can take a nationality or an income bracket or a height and affix to me, but that doesn't determine who I am or what I should do, nor should it.

methanol Wrote:This thread is embarrassing. I feel embarrassed.

I want to state this as concisely as I can.

Mark my words: TheTrueBlue, start dating and having experiences right now, or rue this period for the rest of your life. If you're lucky, it's still not too late.

It might be embarassing, but might not useful advice come from opening up like this too? I don't have the same puritan inhibitions that many other people, including my neighbors here in NYC, have. I love to chat about any topic, no matter how obscure or personal, if the conversation is intelligent and thoughtful, bring it on.

And methanol, as I've written before, I've gone on plenty of dates. FFS, please 皆さん, read everyones posts carefully.

Especially between Musashi and some of the other guys here. Sometimes a misread can blow up into something really big and unnecessary. Please be careful if possible.

gibosi Wrote:You have written a rather long list of criteria you are looking for in a future wife, but in my experience (which is rather long... I am 62 years old tomorrow)

Yes sir, as you are a veteran of life in this world, I will definitely heed your words dearly.

gibosi Wrote:the only things that really matter are shared core values and a shared vision of the future. Most of the other things people say they want in a future mate are not all that important. And you risk losing a potentially wonderful partner if you slavishly adhere to a list...

Yes shared core values and a shared vision are of paramount importance, I whole-heartedly agree. And that is indeed a risk that exists. I freely admit that the human heart flys about all over the place like a headless chicken, and that a girl so stunning she could blow my mind could come into the picture any day. But I doubt it, models and sexy but smart girls are a dime a dozen in a big city, much less a big city with lots of universities like NYC. I will think carefully about your weighty cautions regarding criteria.

gibosi Wrote:I would echo as others have pointed out, that language and culture are going to huge obstacles. But they are not insurmountable. I believe you have indicated that you are 1/2 Japanese and you are studying the language, which should help you.

I don't have any accents on my Japanese, and like with virginity, learning a language deeply with your mate (Japanese for me, English for her) might be a rewarding if sometimes frustrating experience. Like raising a child though, it might prove fruitful and fulfilling.

gibosi Wrote:And one final comment which follows on that of others. Make sure she loves you more than she needs you. A relationship based on need is not healthy for either side...
Good luck!

Hmm, I hadn't quite thought of it that way. I think I'll find it very hard to distinguish the two though, if she needs me in her life, and I fill a missing part of her as I feel she does for me.... nevertheless, Thank you very much 師匠。 I'll have to look into this.

bodhisamaya Wrote:This is something I have been thinking but have not said. You are looking for a conservative wife, but conservative Japanese girls are most likely going to have conservative parents who generally don't approve of inter-national marriages. As an Asian-American, you are not even going to be able to take advantage of the starie eyes some Japanese girls give to Caucasian or African-American guys.

Haha yes. I have a filipino friend with similar plans to find love in Japan once he gets out of Med School. When he went on study abroad there they weren't impressed with his "gaijin"-ness, his horrible Japanese, or his amount of skin pigmentation. But I addressed the inter-national thing above in this very post to Aijin already. ご覧になってください。　すみません。

Ampharos64 Wrote:Recommend TheTrueBlue reads 'The Great Gatsby', if he hasn't, and maybe 'Of Human Bondage', though (no, this is not what it sounds like, you lot).

One of my favorite quotes from Gatsby: "He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced--or seemed to face--the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

@Aijin re: previous post

I do believe I bring a number of special things to the plate, and as I wrote above, I'm not my nationalities nor will I declare them as a matter of course before people meet me (minus any labels) and get to know and like me.

Aijin Wrote:As for the whole 'kawaii movement' thing...I'm not positive of what you're talking about, but I think I can guess, and in all honesty a LOT of those girls are complete and utter bitches (excuse my language). You have to remember that it's a style, a subculture, and does not reflect upon the girl's actual personality. The vast majority of those people whom I've interacted who act like that, it's just a persona for them. It's not who they really are. As soon as you actually get to know them, you realize what a stark contrast there is between that persona and who they truly are.

Yes, but culture has an irresistible impact on culture. I'm NOT <-*EDIT saying I'm going to Japan because I want a girl who is "kawaii." I brought up kawaii because that aesthetic is much more closer to my personal own than the "big tits, bigs ass, looks like a stripper, YEA!" nonsense that's so popular here in the states.

A big heart-felt bow of sincere and fervent thanks from me @ the forum goers here. どうも有り難う御座います，先輩達。

yukkuri_kame Wrote:I think this is one of the longest posts in internet history. I hardly read any of it, but I am quoting it in full, just because I can.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:こんばんは皆さん。

どれどれ。。。

magamo Wrote:"Ah, thanks. So you took a look at my profile. I know I'm an intelligent person with a great personality and have never been penetrated by a guy, though I had been groped by random people in a train when I was a high schooler. But sorry. I can't be yours.

You're right. You might be a great person, doing great things in this world, and you might make the perfect mate for any number of guys. Just like someone who likes dogs or cats can be.

But dating sites allow people to choose based on whether they're looking for a smoker or for someone who loves dogs and cats. One can think of my own uncommon stand in this matter in the same light. Virginity may be inconsequential in the worldviews of less "naive" people, if so, equate it with smoking, and think of that as the choice I make in my search.

"Is smoking, and the risks of cancer and costs that build up as important as virginity?", is not my point here so much as: "Is it something based on which people unnegotiatingly and arbitrarily discount possible mates?" (By arbitrary here, I don't mean that smoking is arbitrary, I mean that they discount smokers without even looking at their profiles or wanting to go on a first date with them if they learn of it through a friend.) Many people may think that's not the best way to go about things, but it's everyone's choice to make.

Virginity for both partners may not be important for a lasting, life-long and totally fullfilling relationship, but it can have impacts on the beginning of one, that both partners are inexperienced, and want to share this part of themselves with one another. I accept all associated risks of "neediness", "don't know what she wants..." etc.

IceCream Wrote:I have to disagree that needy people can be happy though. I have never ever met one who is. Even the high maintenance girls i've met are generally unhappy. The fact of it is, that feeling of really really needing someone - it isn't a nice feeling!! It's too strong a feeling, so how can someone be happy going round feeling like that? It's really painful to feel like that!!

The point is that that feeling, no matter what you give someone, you can't fulfill it! So the situation ends up getting out of control.

I appreciate the fact that your experiences have strongly indicated to you that needy people can't be happy. I wrote before, I'm not other people or everyone, I'm just me.

That doesn't mean I'm a super-unique snowflake (笑), but it means I get my own chance to try and mess up if I absolutely choose to take my shot at it.

4 out of 5 small businesses fail in the first year, and in the next 5 years, 4 out of 5 of those remaining also fail. But despite the 5 year success rate of a mere 4%, people jump in every day.

People from all walks of life make the tremendous investment of time, money and hopes and dreams, and make the leap of faith. And a few diligent or lucky or skilled ones are rewarded greatly. We can't control fate, but through effort and tenacity, we can tip the scales greatly in our favor.

I'll endeavor to be vigilant as per your admonishments but... I think I'll read more into needy people, psychology books, academic journal articles, and whatnot, and then maybe come back with a more definitive answer.

IceCream Wrote:So please, try to differentiate needy and high maintenance from a solid gf who wants to share life and experiences with you. In every solid relationship there ends up being some kind of mutual dependence after a while, and this is healthy. Actively encouraging needy behaviour in girls will not generally end in healthy interdependence.

IceCream, I wrote already that I won't encourage needy behavior, but that I won't say no to her either. And your point about mutual dependence is a powerful one that I totally agree with. For example if 2 people both need to see each once an hour or call 3 times a day no matter what, then they can work together to satisfy each other.

And thank you for relating the experiences of your friends.

Kaede Wrote:I'm not too sure about the recommendations for TheTrueBlue to go look for this girl in libraries and bookstores. I personally love libraries and bookstores, but I think if someone like him randomly came up and tried to talk to me in one I'd be finding a new library or bookstore to go to. Or be sure to take a friend with me next time.

Hahaha. Incidentally, I'm someone who's lucky enough to have had the genes or experiences to be naturally great with girls of all walks of life (Thank the Gods). I can't remember the last time I couldn't make a girl laugh and enjoy herself with me in any setting, library, supermarket, subway, anywhere (but it was probably back in High School). This includes platonic as well as romantic interactions.

Kaede Wrote:And bookstores in Japan are full of people standing and reading who also seem like they don't want to be bothered.

Yeah, it's the same at Barnes and Nobles stores here in NYC, especially the huge location in mid-town. But I think a kindly voiced and well-meaning: "あの。。。すみませんですが。。。この本。。。” can work in some cases in Japan. It certainly works in the states.

Aijin Wrote:TrueBlue:
I don't mean to imply that Japan is racist or anything, but in all honesty you'll have an even harder time finding a girl if you're half Chinese/half Japanese than you would if you were a wealthy and attractive American.

Of course Japan is racist, every nation and peoples are racist. It's just part of present day society (or some might argue, human nature) is all. しょうがない。

I agree with you. But I'm not my nationalities, those labels are arbitrary constructions. I'll chat and hang out and answer questions, but if anyone thinks I'm Japanese because I don't have an accent or aren't white, it's not my concern to run around screaming "I'm a halfling!" Of course before I make any serious commitments I would be honest about it, but if it gets to that point, and the girl that I've decided on (who feels strongly for me as I do for her) reneges solely based on nationality, then I'll have to look for someone else.

I had this inner debate with myself before. Am I Japanese, American or Chinese, or all? In the end I decided, I am who I am, you can take a nationality or an income bracket or a height and affix to me, but that doesn't determine who I am or what I should do, nor should it.

methanol Wrote:This thread is embarrassing. I feel embarrassed.

I want to state this as concisely as I can.

Mark my words: TheTrueBlue, start dating and having experiences right now, or rue this period for the rest of your life. If you're lucky, it's still not too late.

It might be embarassing, but might not useful advice come from opening up like this too? I don't have the same puritan inhibitions that many other people, including my neighbors here in NYC, have. I love to chat about any topic, no matter how obscure or personal, if the conversation is intelligent and thoughtful, bring it on.

And methanol, as I've written before, I've gone on plenty of dates. FFS, please 皆さん, read everyones posts carefully.

Especially between Musashi and some of the other guys here. Sometimes a misread can blow up into something really big and unnecessary. Please be careful if possible.

gibosi Wrote:You have written a rather long list of criteria you are looking for in a future wife, but in my experience (which is rather long... I am 62 years old tomorrow)

Yes sir, as you are a veteran of life in this world, I will definitely heed your words dearly.

gibosi Wrote:the only things that really matter are shared core values and a shared vision of the future. Most of the other things people say they want in a future mate are not all that important. And you risk losing a potentially wonderful partner if you slavishly adhere to a list...

Yes shared core values and a shared vision are of paramount importance, I whole-heartedly agree. And that is indeed a risk that exists. I freely admit that the human heart flys about all over the place like a headless chicken, and that a girl so stunning she could blow my mind could come into the picture any day. But I doubt it, models and sexy but smart girls are a dime a dozen in a big city, much less a big city with lots of universities like NYC. I will think carefully about your weighty cautions regarding criteria.

gibosi Wrote:I would echo as others have pointed out, that language and culture are going to huge obstacles. But they are not insurmountable. I believe you have indicated that you are 1/2 Japanese and you are studying the language, which should help you.

I don't have any accents on my Japanese, and like with virginity, learning a language deeply with your mate (Japanese for me, English for her) might be a rewarding if sometimes frustrating experience. Like raising a child though, it might prove fruitful and fulfilling.

gibosi Wrote:And one final comment which follows on that of others. Make sure she loves you more than she needs you. A relationship based on need is not healthy for either side...
Good luck!

Hmm, I hadn't quite thought of it that way. I think I'll find it very hard to distinguish the two though, if she needs me in her life, and I fill a missing part of her as I feel she does for me.... nevertheless, Thank you very much 師匠。 I'll have to look into this.

bodhisamaya Wrote:This is something I have been thinking but have not said. You are looking for a conservative wife, but conservative Japanese girls are most likely going to have conservative parents who generally don't approve of inter-national marriages. As an Asian-American, you are not even going to be able to take advantage of the starie eyes some Japanese girls give to Caucasian or African-American guys.

Haha yes. I have a filipino friend with similar plans to find love in Japan once he gets out of Med School. When he went on study abroad there they weren't impressed with his "gaijin"-ness, his horrible Japanese, or his amount of skin pigmentation. But I addressed the inter-national thing above in this very post to Aijin already. ご覧になってください。　すみません。

Ampharos64 Wrote:Recommend TheTrueBlue reads 'The Great Gatsby', if he hasn't, and maybe 'Of Human Bondage', though (no, this is not what it sounds like, you lot).

One of my favorite quotes from Gatsby: "He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced--or seemed to face--the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

@Aijin re: previous post

I do believe I bring a number of special things to the plate, and as I wrote above, I'm not my nationalities nor will I declare them as a matter of course before people meet me (minus any labels) and get to know and like me.

Aijin Wrote:As for the whole 'kawaii movement' thing...I'm not positive of what you're talking about, but I think I can guess, and in all honesty a LOT of those girls are complete and utter bitches (excuse my language). You have to remember that it's a style, a subculture, and does not reflect upon the girl's actual personality. The vast majority of those people whom I've interacted who act like that, it's just a persona for them. It's not who they really are. As soon as you actually get to know them, you realize what a stark contrast there is between that persona and who they truly are.

Yes, but culture has an irresistible impact on culture. I'm NOT <-*EDIT saying I'm going to Japan because I want a girl who is "kawaii." I brought up kawaii because that aesthetic is much more closer to my personal own than the "big tits, bigs ass, looks like a stripper, YEA!" nonsense that's so popular here in the states.

A big heart-felt bow of sincere and fervent thanks from me @ the forum goers here. どうも有り難う御座います，先輩達。

liosama Wrote:TrueBlue can I just say that you are the cutest forum member on this forum.

I agree with you in one aspect, big tits and ass has no appeal, but kawaii is at the same end of that spectrum. I can't stand those eye flickering makeup wearing bitches that pose, that shows more weakness than a girl getting plastic surgery cause she's ugly.

I need me a down to earth girl that reads chomsky and opposes the war, i.e one that hs a brain=D

TheTrueBlue Wrote:Yes, but culture has an irresistible impact on culture. I'm saying I'm going to Japan because I want a girl who is "kawaii." I brought up kawaii because that aesthetic is much more closer to my personal own than the "big tits, bigs ass, looks like a stripper, YEA!" nonsense that's so popular here in the states.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:Yes, but culture has an irresistible impact on culture. I'm NOT <-*EDIT saying I'm going to Japan because I want a girl who is "kawaii." I brought up kawaii because that aesthetic is much more closer to my personal own than the "big tits, bigs ass, looks like a stripper, YEA!" nonsense that's so popular here in the states.

kazelee Wrote:Seriously, though, outside of a strip club, or at the beach I've yet to encounter these sort of women. Tell me where you reside so that I may express my... uh.... disgust... in person.

mcjon01 Wrote:Well, of all the things to worry about in Japan, finding women who don't have big tits isn't one of them. And that is literally the only thing I have to add to this topic.

IceCream Wrote:

TheTrueBlue Wrote:your point about mutual dependence is a powerful one that I totally agree with. For example if 2 people both need to see each once an hour or call 3 times a day no matter what, then they can work together to satisfy one another.

um... that is not at all what i meant by a healthy interdependence. That kind of thing is needy and weird.

IceCream Wrote:What i meant was that couples who have been together a long time, tend to come to depend on each other in certain ways, and that is healthy.

IceCream Wrote:As an example, one (childhood sweetheart) couple I know, one of them recently had to go away for a business trip to another continent, and as they have a small child, they couldn't go together. Yeah, of course they missed each other, and i think spoke on the phone every day or few days. But neither of them was unable to function without hearing each other's voice.

IceCream Wrote:They both got on with things and enjoyed what they were doing at the time, because they're both reasonable, practical people. They'd both rather have shared the experience, because they're a strong couple. But they don't NEED to share it, they simply prefer to.

IceCream Wrote:and yes, it can be scary to acknowledge that there really isn't another person who needs your existence. You're not really necessary to anyone. That means they can leave you or cheat on you, or really do anything. But, isn't it a lot more fulfilling to know that someone doesn't need you but has chosen to be with you anyway?

Brokenvai Wrote:And a mass majority of high school relationships. The needy thing I thought I would generally like, ended up turning neurotic. I'm not saying you'll turn out like what happened in my relationship, but being a guy who loves being needed, the other person being needy turned into *me* being needy, and when you miss that call of the day, or the second call of the day, or that third call of the day, it turns into a neurotic, psychotic mess of "You weren't cheating on me, were you?" and "You don't care about me".

Brokenvai Wrote:Needy people, as I have seen through plenty of examples such as my ex-girlfriend, my sister, my father's ex-wife, and through myself, are always going to be looking for the next best thing. They are not comfortable with themselves. They are not secure with themselves. If they are not comfortable with themselves and need a feeling of completeness from you, (which is a two-in-one package), they will be quick to find your faults, and then move onto the next, quickest opportunity.

Brokenvai Wrote:What you have to realize, if you haven't already, is that 3 calls a day is not secure. There is a definite problem. She will never love you for who you are and for the relationship you two have, she will extract(the better, definable word for love) from the qualities that she likes from you, and then she will move on.

Brokenvai Wrote:My ex-girlfriend dumped me on the day after Christmas. I cried for weeks, and I couldn't stand being alone. But I learned that while I was here crying, she was out there on a fling with another guy, that she met right before she broke up with me. I was either going to stay here and be incomplete, or I was going to take responsibility for my life. It's amazing how comfortable I feel about myself now, and I'm so individualistic now, and with wisdom about the relationship, it would be foolish to try anything like that again.

Brokenvai Wrote:Much love and regards~

kanjiwarrior Wrote:I think this thread is starting to become a cry for help.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:

kanjiwarrior Wrote:I think this thread is starting to become a cry for help.

Then clearly you aren't reading much of it.

kanjiwarrior Wrote:

TheTrueBlue Wrote:

kanjiwarrior Wrote:I think this thread is starting to become a cry for help.

Then clearly you aren't reading much of it.

You're wrong there, but you are wrong about a lot of things.

You are incredibly insecure as evident by how defensive you get and by your incredible need to prove to us you are right. You are living in a fantasy world, sadly your only going to wake up once you find this girl and she breaks your heart.

bodhis Wrote:Does the girl have to be Japanese? Spend some time traveling small villages in the Philippines. Around half of the girls are genuine in their desire to be a good and faithful wife. You would need several months of searching so as not to be fooled by those with less than honest motives. Her conservatively Catholic parents would not only be happy that she is marrying an American, but the town (made up mostly of her huge extended family) might throw a festival in your honor. If they are a genuinely conservative family, you will never be left alone with her, escorted everywhere you go. Even the local boys have to deal with this so you will be her first, if that is what is required in a mate.

kazelee Wrote:

kanjiwarrior Wrote:

TheTrueBlue Wrote:Then clearly you aren't reading much of it.

You're wrong there, but you are wrong about a lot of things.

You are incredibly insecure as evident by how defensive you get and by your incredible need to prove to us you are right. You are living in a fantasy world, sadly your only going to wake up once you find this girl and she breaks your heart.

Duuude, unecessary.

kanjiwarrior Wrote:You are incredibly insecure as evident by how defensive you get and by your incredible need to prove to us you are right.

kanjiwarrior Wrote:You are living in a fantasy world, sadly your only going to wake up once you find this girl and she breaks your heart.

bodhisamaya Wrote:I still think the main obstacle is dealing with a conservative J-girl's parents.

Does the girl have to be Japanese? Spend some time traveling small villages in the Philippines. Around half of the girls are genuine in their desire to be a good and faithful wife. You would need several months of searching so as not to be fooled by those with less than honest motives. Her conservatively Catholic parents would not only be happy that she is marrying an American, but the town (made up mostly of her huge extended family) might throw a festival in your honor. If they are a genuinely conservative family, you will never be left alone with her, escorted everywhere you go. Even the local boys have to deal with this so you will be her first, if that is what is required in a mate.

Ampharos64 Wrote:Good Gatsby quote. ^_^ I like this one: 'As I went over to say goodbye I saw that the expression of bewilderment had come back into Gatsby’s face, as though a faint doubt had occurred to him as to the quality of his present happiness. Almost five years! There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams – not through her own fault but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifted his way. No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart'.

Ampharos64 Wrote:Mightn't finding someone who isn't really settled into anything be tricky, unless she's younger than you?

Ampharos64 Wrote:If they're to be the kind of developed person it seems like you're looking for, they would perhaps have to have had some experiences (even just University) that you won't necessarily be able to directly share.

Ampharos64 Wrote:As for change, I've never yet seen anyone change much (much to my disappointment in the case of my bratty younger sibling), so wouldn't want to risk counting on that happening (might be good or bad. My parents still argue about the same things, often trivial, they've always argued about, but they're still married). Not saying it absolutely can't happen, though. If you're going to marry someone, you pretty much have to accept them as they are (ok, that's almost certainly impossible).

Musashi Wrote:

TheTrueBlue Wrote:@Musashi

哇! Musashi 真胆壮呀! 可能我该叫您大哥吧? 主席或者主持人都没问题! Musashi 大哥不怕! 来吧! ハハハ。　怖いな方ですよね，兄貴は？ハハハ。

刚才向我写那个臭几巴他每次都是这样的。这种人对他客气没用的。本来就没什么事然后他转到好像我犯了一个大错，叉他的。这里每个人都可以自己想什么就写什么对吗？而且是写写谈谈而已吗没什么大不了你说对吗。那个吡每次都在教导我哦，他以为他是谁啊。别跟我开玩笑。如果他那么不喜欢我写的东西，那就不看吧，说那么多废话，我还没跟他说叫他去跳楼好过。其实我这个人很善良的但对付有些人实在没办法
没事的，我支持你！

TheTrueBlue Wrote:I don't have a need to prove I'm right, I only believe that my beliefs are reasonable and have merit.

Tzadeck Wrote:

TheTrueBlue Wrote:I don't have a need to prove I'm right, I only believe that my beliefs are reasonable and have merit.

I don't really find a need to criticize what you've been talking about, but you do seem awfully sure of yourself. You're too sure of yourself, and that's making you come off as odd and even a bit delusional.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:

Tzadeck Wrote:

TheTrueBlue Wrote:I don't have a need to prove I'm right, I only believe that my beliefs are reasonable and have merit.

I don't really find a need to criticize what you've been talking about, but you do seem awfully sure of yourself. You're too sure of yourself, and that's making you come off as odd and even a bit delusional.

I don't say: "No that's wrong, here's why I, instead, am the one who is right."

Tzadeck Wrote:

TheTrueBlue Wrote:

Tzadeck Wrote:I don't really find a need to criticize what you've been talking about, but you do seem awfully sure of yourself. You're too sure of yourself, and that's making you come off as odd and even a bit delusional.

I don't say: "No that's wrong, here's why I, instead, am the one who is right."

You're right, I certainly haven't heard you say that. What I mean is that it seems like even when people make really good points you gloss them over quickly.

TheTrueBlue Wrote:If establishing a life together with someone, like Fleetwood Mac sang of "I built my life around you..." is so godawfully painful... I don't know...

TheTrueBlue Wrote:But your final paragraph is disconcerting to me. One of the main things I'm looking for is someone to share my life with. I'm not at all interested in someone who has their life and their act established already. If someone has their own career, their own friends and their own everything already up and running, then God bless them, but they've already gone by many parts of life that I'm looking to share with someone. Yes, some things you have to do by yourself, but you can do them with the presence and support of loved ones, friends, and family.