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+--- Thread: Love in Japan... (/thread-3512.html)
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-17
magamo Wrote:Well, if you're lucky enough to meet her before I do, let her practice on you.TheTrueBlue Wrote:Does that mean it's ok if I practice with your future spouse?magamo Wrote:I wonder if a girl counts as a virgin if a Kinsey Institute graduate who has Ph.D. in female biology "practiced" sex and made her orgasm without penetration.I would say yes, she is a virgin. Of course many others disagree.
I wouldn't like it if you practiced on or with her. But then again, I don't like it when someone cuts me off in traffic, even if they're going 10 mph faster than the speed limit and by common sense rules in NYC have some cause to cut me off. Difference between principles and desires.
My principle is that I will try to obey traffic laws and to be a respectful and cautious driver, my desire is to honk that leprechaun until he gets a headache, hahaha.
My principle is that I want her to be a virgin and to be kind, caring and sweet, my desire is that I'll be the only guy she's ever been with or truly cared for.
Don't always get what we want. しょうがない。
BTW magamo, I like your quote about the shoes in your profile.
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-17
IceCream Wrote:Perhaps, but I'm not the only one who has friends who are girls who are over 18 but haven't had sex yet. Maybe it's their values or religion or family. Or maybe they didn't find a guy they could do it with.magamo Wrote:By the way, I heard from multiple Japanese females that girls in rural areas tend to lose their virginity earlier than those in major cities because of the lack of entertainment.ハハ i totally forgot about this!! most of my friends started having sex around 13... if this virgin thing is really so important, you're gonna be dodging some pretty serious laws here...
i still standby library's / bookshops as a good way to find girls who are intelligent, and less often party goers or money grabbers.
And where do you live? o.0 Your friends sound like they might be interesting people to know right about now.
Bookshops! Got it!
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-17
TheTrueBlue Wrote:@Musashi刚才向我写那个臭几巴他每次都是这样的。这种人对他客气没用的。本来就没什么事然后他转到好像我犯了一个大错，叉他的。这里每个人都可以自己想什么就写什么对吗？而且是写写谈谈而已吗没什么大不了你说对吗。那个吡每次都在教导我哦，他以为他是谁啊。别跟我开玩笑。如果他那么不喜欢我写的东西，那就不看吧，说那么多废话，我还没跟他说叫他去跳楼好过。其实我这个人很善良的但对付有些人实在没办法
哇! Musashi 真胆壮呀! 可能我该叫您大哥吧? 主席或者主持人都没问题! Musashi 大哥不怕! 来吧! ハハハ。 怖いな方ですよね，兄貴は？ハハハ。
没事的，我支持你！
Love in Japan... - liosama - 2009-07-17
Musashi Wrote:Well assuming your personality here is similar to your actual personality then my statement still holds, forum or no forum.liosama Wrote:So much arrogance musashiouch.
you'll never get love with that sort of personality
tsk tsk
Aww, sorry liosama, but I'm not on a forum looking for ♥
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-17
liosama Wrote:Well it's a good thing that you don't really know me personallyMusashi Wrote:Well assuming your personality here is similar to your actual personality then my statement still holds, forum or no forum.liosama Wrote:So much arrogance musashiouch.
you'll never get love with that sort of personality
tsk tsk
Aww, sorry liosama, but I'm not on a forum looking for ♥
Love in Japan... - igordesu - 2009-07-17
Whoa, whoa, you guys. Relax a little bit. Is it such a surprise that this conversation got graphically sexual in nature so fast? This isn't that big of a deal. So far this conversation is still only dealing with hypothetical future events, etc. so I think it's okay to relax. Man, just realize that people have (sometimes drastically) different views about life and sex. Convincing someone else to change their mind about it in a place like this seems unlikely (trust me, I know that from experience
), so the best we can do is let other people go out and learn (or not) from their own mistakes.
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-17
IceCream Wrote:I'm from a small commuter town in England. I don't know a lot of the same people any more, but theres a good number who were parents by the time they were 18. If they're pushing a pram, your probably safe to avoid them... don't assume its their little sisterI don't agree that needy girls are necessary always unhappy. Some can be happy if their above average needs are being fulfilled. Like people who are "high maintenance," the relationship can move along, albeit with possible difficulties, but it's not a sure fire failure because one partner or both are demanding.
Actually, i do find it a little annoying that i spent about 20 minutes of my life trying to explain to you that needy girls are not happy, which you seemed to accept, then you start talking about likeing needyness in a girl again.
Dat5 is right ... there's a huge difference between being needy and being needed. And he's right about needyness being a quality that probably goes along with your ideal girl. But not for the same reason he said, i mean, we're not talking psycho needy here (then dat5 applies), but lots and lots of young girls who are immature and naive are pretty needy or clingy.
If you encourage this kind of behaviour in a first relationship, yes, it will end up out of hand, horrible, and you will end up seriously hurting a girl who would have been perfectly fine to grow up a normal way, with a normal level of need, after getting dumped by the first one or two guys she was a bit clingy with, and learning better...
I'm sorry IceCream, but if you could provide instances where say, high school sweethearts or childhood friends somehow ended up in a relationship with one another as can happen. And the girl is as you put it is one who is "immature and naive" and also "pretty needy or clingy."
I can imagine this relationship deteriorating because this girl hasn't had the experience of breaking up with a guy before.
But I can also see the possibility of them being married for 20, 30 or 50 years as well. Happily even, albiet with bumps as with any marriage. Maybe the guy loves her for who she is, including her neediness, and fulfills her needs enough so that they stay together in a loving relationship.
I won't encourage her to be a helpless fish out of water or to not learn new skills or have new experiences in life, but if she needs me to be there for her, I won't say no. I do plan though, to do a lot of traveling with her, especially to Europe, where I've always wanted to visit. Not sure if that would affect her neediness, but I'm just saying, your point about over-neediness is reasonable and I will try to keep it in mind.
Also, Musashi is SERIOUSLY FIRED UP! LOL. Don't screw with him! He will MESS YOU UP! ハハハ
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-17
TheTrueBlue Wrote:Also, Musashi is SERIOUSLY FIRED UP! LOL. Don't screw with him! He will MESS YOU UP! ハハハえっ？no no no そんなことないよう。
哪里有啊大哥
*gives a piece of チョコレートケーキ to everybody
(除了那两个几巴〜っ♪)
Love in Japan... - thermal - 2009-07-17
个
Is this kanji or an arrow!?
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-17
thermal Wrote:个hmm...that's also a possible use, I will use it as an upwards pointing arrow from now on
Is this kanji or an arrow!?
Love in Japan... - magamo - 2009-07-17
TheTrueBlue Wrote:BTW magamo, I like your quote about the shoes in your profile.Ah, thanks. So you took a look at my profile. I know I'm an intelligent person with a great personality and have never been penetrated by a guy, though I had been groped by random people in a train when I was a high schooler. But sorry. I can't be yours.
Love in Japan... - blackmacros - 2009-07-17
magamo Wrote:So you've never been penetrated...by a guy. Was this a purposeful omission? Show us on the doll where the bad lady penetrated youTheTrueBlue Wrote:BTW magamo, I like your quote about the shoes in your profile.Ah, thanks. So you took a look at my profile. I know I'm an intelligent person with a great personality and have never been penetrated by a guy, though I had been groped by random people in a train when I was a high schooler. But sorry. I can't be yours.
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-17
IceCream Wrote:IceCreamちゃん♪Musashi Wrote:trs?TheTrueBlue Wrote:@Musashi刚才向我写那个臭几巴他每次都是这样的。这种人对他客气没用的。本来就没什么事然后他转到好像我犯了一个大错，叉他的。这里每个人都可以自己想什么就写什么对吗？而且是写写谈谈而已吗没什么大不了你说对吗。那个吡每次都在教导我哦，他以为他是谁啊。别跟我开玩笑。如果他那么不喜欢我写的东西，那就不看吧，说那么多废话，我还没跟他说叫他去跳楼好过。其实我这个人很善良的但对付有些人实在没办法
哇! Musashi 真胆壮呀! 可能我该叫您大哥吧? 主席或者主持人都没问题! Musashi 大哥不怕! 来吧! ハハハ。 怖いな方ですよね，兄貴は？ハハハ。
没事的，我支持你！
Look, not every young girl is needy and clingy, for sure!! And not every girl who has the needy and clingy potential will end up that way. Being naive isn't some kind of disease.
I have to disagree that needy people can be happy though. I have never ever met one who is. Even the high maintenance girls i've met are generally unhappy. The fact of it is, that feeling of really really needing someone - it isn't a nice feeling!! It's too strong a feeling, so how can someone be happy going round feeling like that? It's really painful to feel like that!!
The point is that that feeling, no matter what you give someone, you can't fulfill it! So the situation ends up getting out of control.
So please, try to differentiate needy and high maintenance from a solid gf who wants to share life and experiences with you. In every solid relationship there ends up being some kind of mutual dependence after a while, and this is healthy. Actively encouraging needy behaviour in girls will not generally end in healthy interdependence.
OK, i know of 3 relationships in real life where childhood sweethearts worked out. In all of them, nobody in the relationship encouraged needyness. In all of them, the individuals involved are pretty solid people, without the high ideals and expectations you have. In nearly all of them, the people involved have broken up at least once, been out with other people, and come back to each other. They have lived away from each other at times, and know how to get on with their lives without each other. In none of them, they actively went out to find a childhood sweetheart, it just happened as they were getting on with their lives.
The more solid and less needy the girl is as a whole, the more chance your relationship will work out in the real world, and you will both be happy. imo.
err...wrong quote maybe?
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-17
IceCream Wrote:??? would I do such a thing?! *sniffmagamo Wrote:ハハハハ i think this wins the prize for funniest post.TheTrueBlue Wrote:BTW magamo, I like your quote about the shoes in your profile.Ah, thanks. So you took a look at my profile. I know I'm an intelligent person with a great personality and have never been penetrated by a guy, though I had been groped by random people in a train when I was a high schooler. But sorry. I can't be yours.
Musashi: i thought a translation of you threatening to mess someone up would be funny...
mmm チョコレートケーキ
* Grabs that チョコレートケーキ from under IceCreamちゃん's nose!
...feels guilty and gives back the チョコレートケーキ along with some freshly picked イチゴ's
Love in Japan... - Kaede - 2009-07-17
I'm not too sure about the recommendations for TheTrueBlue to go look for this girl in libraries and bookstores. I personally love libraries and bookstores, but I think if someone like him randomly came up and tried to talk to me in one I'd be finding a new library or bookstore to go to. Or be sure to take a friend with me next time.
...Of course, while I happen to fit a few of his "criteria," I am most definitely not the kind of girl he's looking for, so maybe my opinion on this matter is invalid.
Although that brings up another point -- I don't know about libraries in Japan, but libraries here seem to be mostly full of teenagers staring at computer screens, with a few people like me who are looking for books and would prefer not to be disturbed. And bookstores in Japan are full of people standing and reading who also seem like they don't want to be bothered.
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-17
thermal Wrote:个It's the simplified form of 個 in Mandarin.
Is this kanji or an arrow!?
TrueBlue:
I don't mean to imply that Japan is racist or anything, but in all honesty you'll have an even harder time finding a girl if you're half Chinese/half Japanese than you would if you were a wealthy and attractive American.
Love in Japan... - magamo - 2009-07-17
Aijin Wrote:I thought he was American. Why can't a half Chinese/Japanese be an American citizen?thermal Wrote:个It's the simplified form of 個 in Mandarin.
Is this kanji or an arrow!?
TrueBlue:
I don't mean to imply that Japan is racist or anything, but in all honesty you'll have an even harder time finding a girl if you're half Chinese/half Japanese than you would if you were a wealthy and attractive American.
Edit: *sigh* my grammar...
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-17
By American I mean Caucasian, sorry.
Love in Japan... - methanol - 2009-07-17
This thread is embarrassing. I feel embarrassed.
I want to state this as concisely as I can.
Mark my words: TheTrueBlue, start dating and having experiences right now, or rue this period for the rest of your life. If you're lucky, it's still not too late.
Love in Japan... - bodhisamaya - 2009-07-17
Musashi Wrote:I am not a teacher (not disciplined enough for that) but I used to live on the property of Charles Muir in Maui who brought the Tantric Sex teachings to America from India back in the 60's. His students, Sasha & Janet Lessin http://schooloftantra.net/aboutus.htm gave weekend workshops and I exchanged odd jobs around the property for attending them. The workshops always had more women than men so I served to balance the ratio for hands on practice ...yes I have had a good lifebodhisamaya Wrote:I saw this documentary about it once and it's interesting (though I wouldn't say it's my piece of cake perse). But you sound like you know quite about it, you a teacher perhaps?Musashi Wrote:$200/hr.! Dang! I should've studied to become a Tantric Sex teacher.You can be. It is a lot more difficult than it sounds though. Male Tantic Sex teachers generally never allow themselves to reach orgasm. It has to do with the loss of vital energy during ejaculation. Long hours of meditation with Hatha Yoga are required. Empathy has to be developed to a high level as women will often cry hysterically following an intense orgasm as past emotional stuff gets released as well.
Love in Japan... - gibosi - 2009-07-17
What an amazing thread! I can hardly believe how much time I have spent reading...
TheTrueBlue, as has been well established, you are still rather naive and inexperienced. My best advice to someone such as yourself who is looking to find a mate is to stay flexible.
You have written a rather long list of criteria you are looking for in a future wife, but in my experience (which is rather long... I am 62 years old tomorrow) the only things that really matter are shared core values and a shared vision of the future. Most of the other things people say they want in a future mate are not all that important. And you risk losing a potentially wonderful partner if you slavishly adhere to a list...
I would echo as others have pointed out, that language and culture are going to huge obstacles. But they are not insurmountable. I believe you have indicated that you are 1/2 Japanese and you are studying the language, which should help you.
And one final comment which follows on that of others. Make sure she loves you more than she needs you. A relationship based on need is not healthy for either side...
Good luck!
Love in Japan... - magamo - 2009-07-17
methanol Wrote:This thread is embarrassing. I feel embarrassed."I'm not sure if being naive is more embarrassing than embarrassing a naive person," a random hypocrite says.
I want to state this as concisely as I can.
Mark my words: TheTrueBlue, start dating and having experiences right now, or rue this period for the rest of your life. If you're lucky, it's still not too late.
Love in Japan... - bodhisamaya - 2009-07-17
Aijin Wrote:TrueBlue:This is something I have been thinking but have not said. You are looking for a conservative wife, but conservative Japanese girls are most likely going to have conservative parents who generally don't approve of inter-national marriages. As an Asian-American, you are not even going to be able to take advantage of the starie eyes some Japanese girls give to Caucasian or African-American guys.
I don't mean to imply that Japan is racist or anything, but in all honesty you'll have an even harder time finding a girl if you're half Chinese/half Japanese than you would if you were a wealthy and attractive American.
Love in Japan... - Ampharos64 - 2009-07-17
This thread is indeed kind of embarrassing, XD. Do people really think about this stuff so much? (er, evidently)
Kaede Wrote:I'm not too sure about the recommendations for TheTrueBlue to go look for this girl in libraries and bookstores. I personally love libraries and bookstores, but I think if someone like him randomly came up and tried to talk to me in one I'd be finding a new library or bookstore to go to. Or be sure to take a friend with me next time.Hmm, maybe, I would think it was a good place to find the type of girl he's looking for, but could definitely be unnerving. Depends on the approach, I guess, I was in the library one time and just happened to glance at the manga section. Presumably thinking he'd found a geeky kindred spirit (Girl! In the manga section!), this one guy followed me out, asked me my name, then tried to get me to walk with him. When I claimed to be busy, he said: 'Come on, just take my hand'. 0_0 I think he may have meant well, and English maybe wasn't his first language, which probably wasn't helping, but I still ran for my life.
Hmm, maybe evening classes (in Japan) would be good, especially if they were ones young people were more likely to take.
Recommend TheTrueBlue reads 'The Great Gatsby', if he hasn't, and maybe 'Of Human Bondage', though (no, this is not what it sounds like, you lot).
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-17
bodhisamaya Wrote:Exactly. I hate to say this, but a lot of the time Japanese people aren't really attracted/interested in dating other Asian ethnicities in general. I don't mean to stereotype, but it's definitely something I felt over my life. Marrying other ethnicities is certainly a lot more frowned upon than it is in America, and there's a lot more pressure from the family to marry a Japanese guy. A lot of people tend to look down upon half-Japanese and other Asian ethnicities, as unfair as that is.Aijin Wrote:TrueBlue:This is something I have been thinking but have not said. You are looking for a conservative wife, but conservative Japanese girls are most likely going to have conservative parents who generally don't approve of inter-national marriages. As an Asian-American, you are not even going to be able to take advantage of the starie eyes some Japanese girls give to Caucasian or African-American guys.
I don't mean to imply that Japan is racist or anything, but in all honesty you'll have an even harder time finding a girl if you're half Chinese/half Japanese than you would if you were a wealthy and attractive American.
You just really have to bring something special to the plate, because you'll be competing with tons and tons of native guys who won't have a language or culture barrier, will be more accepted by the family, are seen as more attractive, etc.
As for the whole 'kawaii movement' thing...I'm not positive of what you're talking about, but I think I can guess, and in all honesty a LOT of those girls are complete and utter bitches (excuse my language). You have to remember that it's a style, a subculture, and does not reflect upon the girl's actual personality. The vast majority of those people whom I've interacted who act like that, it's just a persona for them. It's not who they really are. As soon as you actually get to know them, you realize what a stark contrast there is between that persona and who they truly are.