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+--- Thread: Love in Japan... (/thread-3512.html)
Love in Japan... - kanjiwarrior - 2009-07-16
Jarvik7 Wrote:There is no reason for one's first sexual experience to be on a pedestal any more than one's first time eating mayonnaise.Or choose not to eat Mayonnaise all together, I mean seriously it's gross.
The "importance" of it is entirely a socio-religious construction.
Now spicy mustard...
Love in Japan... - dat5h - 2009-07-16
kanjiwarrior Wrote:Or choose not to eat Mayonnaise all together, I mean seriously it's gross.I hate American mayo but cannot go a week without Japanese mayo ... just sayin'
Now spicy mustard...
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Aijin Wrote:TrueBlue: You say that it's fine if sex hurts her and you have to call it quits...but wouldn't that ruin your ideal first time? Two minutes of awkward, painful thrusting followed by a, "let's not do this" isn't exactly the most magical of moments.I didn't say I'd call it quits, I said I'd stop doing anything that hurt her. Why is everyone jumping to shit on my goals? I knew it would be bad, but this is almost disappointing. I thought I was posting mostly to composed, polite adults, but there seems to be quite a few moody kids as well.
Aijin Wrote:I just fail to see why you have to have a virgin though. My first time was with another virgin, and I definitely understand that it feels great knowing that physical intimacy is something you've only shared with each other, but that didn't necessarily make it more meaningful than sex with other partners afterwards.Sorry, I do get to choose though, and this is the choice I make.
Aijin Wrote:I'm just saying, don't get your hopes up too high. I've met quite a few American guys who feel socially awkward, have difficulty finding the right girl in the states, etc, and think that if they just move to Japan a lot of girls will fawn over them, that their romance will be like all the blushing innocent, naïve anime romances they watch.Well those guys are foolish and delusional, as I hope my defense here has proved, I'm not.
I'm not by any means saying that you're like that, just that it's something I see often, and that it never works out well.
Aijin Wrote:Most marriages where an American guy goes to Japan and marries a Japanese girl, it's because the girl wants to live in the states and is using her husband as a means to it. That doesn't mean that their isn't affection involved, just that it happens a lot. It's much rarer for a girl to marry a westerner who wants to live in Japan with her.I'm not a Westerner, my father is Chinese and my mother is Japanese. I'm not caucasian.
Aijin Wrote:And unless you're wealthy, dashingly handsome, or have a superb personality, you might find some difficulty finding that 'ideal girl'.Then I won't have too much difficulty finding her. And she's not "ideal", she's just the girl I'm hoping for is all.
Aijin Wrote:I'm not saying it's impossible, as it definitely occurs, but you really need to not have such high expectations.I've been writing all along that I'm trying to moderate my expectations constantly. Some people don't expect great things from themselves, it sucks to be them, accepting defeat or giving up halfway. I don't want to be one of these people, and if crushing disappointments are a risk for expectations that energize my efforts, I accept that risk.
Jarvik7 Wrote:There is no reason for one's first sexual experience to be on a pedestal any more than one's first time eating mayonnaise.It's a construction like any set of ethics or beliefs, but it's a construction that motivates me towards my goals in life. Would you kill someone for 10 dollars if no-one but you would know you did it? Then your behavior has been influenced by your constructed values of how killing a person could or will make you feel. Don't knock constructions, they can build wonders and overthrow kingdoms.
The "importance" of it is entirely a socio-religious construction.
@activeaero
Good job jumping in to do nothing but personally attack me. Your definition of what sexual experience is your own. But in world legal codes, it's not rape if there isn't penetration. There's a clear dividing line, and I have more adherents on my side than there are on yours.
@QuackingShoe
Sex is important. It's not just like eating mayonaise and for those who feel that way, I pity you. Whether you want my pity or hate me for it is irrelevant. Sex can be amazingly fulfilling and one of the best parts of a person's life. For those who ***** and go "meh" like animals, sucks to be you.
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
Salty mayo would be a more accurate comparison
Sorry, had to get more bad sex jokes in there somewhere.
Love in Japan... - Jarvik7 - 2009-07-16
Mayo is good in moderation. I never started eating it until I went to Japan. They love it there. They even use mayo as a salad dressing!
It's odd how the one making the most sexual jokes is a girl. My stereotypes, they're shattered!
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
TheTrueBlue Wrote:I didn't say I'd call it quits, I said I'd stop doing anything that hurt her. Why is everyone jumping to shit on my goals? I knew it would be bad, but this is almost disappointing.The sex itself is what hurts, and sex is the experience we're talking about...so the experience itself would have to pretty much end. Which destroys the entire magical first time thing...
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Aijin Wrote:This was a risk you and your first love took on that first time. Was it worth the risk? Did you prevail?TheTrueBlue Wrote:I didn't say I'd call it quits, I said I'd stop doing anything that hurt her. Why is everyone jumping to shit on my goals? I knew it would be bad, but this is almost disappointing.The sex itself is what hurts, and sex is the experience we're talking about...so the experience itself would have to pretty much end. Which destroys the entire magical first time thing...
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
There was no risk because I never thought we were going to have simultaneous screaming orgasms or anything like that. I accepted it as a way of being closer to the person I loved, and as the first step to having enjoyable sex with that person. My first time was too painful, so we ended up just making jokes about it, laying in bed, and talking. It took a handful of times before we could both actually enjoy it and it became a physical and emotional pleasure.
I mean, your first time can be an emotional experience, sure, but I don't see why it'd be more emotional than just being physically intimate with that person in different ways. Having oral sex, fingering, handjobs, dry humping...honestly, all of that will be more physically enjoyable than your first attempt at penetration. And because there's less pain, you can be more emotionally close to each other. Obviously later on penetration becomes better than those things though.
I'm just saying, there's no reason to treat penetration as anything more than what it is.
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Jarvik7 Wrote:While I like to pretend in my head that my gf is a pure untouched flower, I'm glad that she isn't. Dealing with her awkwardness & shyness, and her not knowing what she wants (in a relationship, in a partner, in bed, etc) is a pain in the ass.Maybe for you, but different people have different preferences. I for one would not at all mind if a girl was awkward or shy or inexperienced.
Love in Japan... - liosama - 2009-07-16
I agree with TrueBlue.
2 cents ^^
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Aijin Wrote:My first time was too painful, so we ended up just making jokes about it, laying in bed, and talking. It took a handful of times before we could both actually enjoy it and it became a physical and emotional pleasure.I'm very grateful for your honesty in this matter. I do acknowledge the possibilty of this happening as I've additionally read and heard of this. I'll try to learn as much as possible though, about the possible causes and any possible ameliorations to this. Her happiness is my number one concern, and I won't try to force anything.
Aijin Wrote:I mean, your first time can be an emotional experience, sure, but I don't see why it'd be more emotional than just being physically intimate with that person in different ways. Having oral sex, fingering, handjobs, dry humping...honestly, all of that will be more physically enjoyable than your first attempt at penetration. And because there's less pain, you can be more emotionally close to each other. Obviously later on penetration becomes better than those things though.Great point, I agree. And your last line is interesting, but it is true that there's many things other than penetration that can be enjoyable for couples.
Aijin Wrote:I'm just saying, there's no reason to treat penetration as anything more than what it is.I have to respectfully disagree here, for many reasons already stated. It is what it is, but what it is, is not so insignificant as many here make it out to be. My experience indicates to me having sex for the first time is a big step for most couples.
Love in Japan... - dat5h - 2009-07-16
TheTrueBlue Wrote:I'm very grateful for your honesty in this matter. I do acknowledge the possibilty of this happening as I've additionally read and heard of this. I'll try learn though about the possible causes and any possible ameliorations to this. Her happiness is my number one concern, and I won't try to force anything.Let's be blunt, when you "tear someone a new one" you are bound to inflict pain
しょうがない
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
IceCream Wrote:its not really a risk, its a fact - its just not nice for girls 1st time.There are plenty of testimonies (the worthless ones that some here feel are a waste of time to read) wherein the girl had a very enjoyable first time. They prove an interesting and enlightening read, and I would encourage anyone here to check them out.
i think i said before, you can make it special, but not physically amazing...
@dat5h
そうですね。しょうがないです。 It will almost certainly hurt her, but a lot of the hard work I'm putting in right now is for this future of mine, and if I can put up with what I've had to put up with, I don't think such a pain is of such astronomical discomfort as to be intolerable to endure for someone you love. It's not injurying a girl just to make mayonaise, this is your first sexual experience together as a couple.
Love in Japan... - kanjiwarrior - 2009-07-16
Jarvik7 Wrote:Mayo is good in moderation. I never started eating it until I went to Japan. They love it there. They even use mayo as a salad dressing!I did not know that, and it shatters my whole image of Japan... too late to learn another language? They must have a phrase for "hold the mayo".
It's odd how the one making the most sexual jokes is a girl. My stereotypes, they're shattered!
Incidentally I met two cute Japanese girls once with a buddy of mine I didn't know what to say to girls back then but my friend immediately starts telling the most filthy jokes (the kind that trick you into agreeing that you do something really nasty)... and they loved it. It wasn't at a club or anything just the middle of campus in the broad daylight. Ending up dating one of them.
Love in Japan... - Brittswimmer1y6 - 2009-07-16
Seems like you came here for advice and you're disregarding it. The majority of these testimonies are in the negative yet you still hold onto the hope that you might be different. If it's a virgin girl it will most likely be awkward and painful, I know that from my experience with one. So you can turn the blind eye and only listen to what you want to hear, read what you want to read, and see what you want to see. I'm in no ways trying to be malicious, I'm just saying that you're steadfast on finding this dream girl and seem to be trying to justify what many of us see as unjustifiable.
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:Seems like you came here for advice and you're disregarding it.I acknowledge the critics but it's not a one-sided affair. I have people rooting for me as well, and I'm thankful for them.
Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:The majority of these testimonies are in the negative yet you still hold onto the hope that you might be different.Because it's better to have no hope and just resign yourself to being just another meatsack? This isn't a vote, and it's no secret that for every talented, intelligent, well-meaning individual in society, there's more than a few who aren't.
Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:If it's a virgin girl it will most likely be awkward and painful, I know that from my experience with one.That's too bad. And most likely is not "certainly." Neither I nor you nor any other reader here is "everyone else", they are themselves, and have their own choices and opportunities. The statistical likelihood of your experience being representative of everyone's is unknown, but it's not 100%.
Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:So you can turn the blind eye and only listen to what you want to hear, read what you want to read, and see what you want to see. I'm in no ways trying to be malicious, I'm just saying that you're steadfast on finding this dream girl and seem to be trying to justify what many of us see as unjustifiable.I try to acknowledge and accept all of the information that I've been given here. Did I leave any of your post out? I indeed try to be steadfast and tenacious, and my goals indeed have critics. But if nay-saying and a few doubters were enough to cause someone to abandon their life goals, then that person is quite weak indeed.
I am now hoping this thread can move away from sex or the first time experience and on to meeting girls or finding love in Japan.
@Ice Cream
Thank you for your counsel, I won't 100% expect screaming orgasms from her the first time. And I will be disappointed if I don't give her a more than satisfactory measure of pleasure. But I will keep in mind the important point you've made about a girl's own physiology playing a big part in this.
Love in Japan... - Brittswimmer1y6 - 2009-07-16
TheTrueBlue Wrote:I want to make it clear that I don't want to lure you away from your goals, I fully support your enthusiasm. I just remember that a me of the [not so distant] past was somewhat similar and ended up strongly disappointed and confused.Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:Seems like you came here for advice and you're disregarding it.Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:So you can turn the blind eye and only listen to what you want to hear, read what you want to read, and see what you want to see. I'm in no ways trying to be malicious, I'm just saying that you're steadfast on finding this dream girl and seem to be trying to justify what many of us see as unjustifiable.I try to acknowledge and accept all of the information that I've been given here. Did I leave any of your post out? I indeed try to be steadfast and tenacious, and my goals indeed have critics. But if nay-saying and a few doubters were enough to cause someone to abandon their life goals, then that person is quite weak indeed.
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:Thank you very much for your support. Most of my RL friends do urge caution and take shots at what they perceive to be unreasonable idealism. But I'm not trying to cure AIDS or go to the moon or grow wings and fly. I'm trying to find love in Japan.TheTrueBlue Wrote:I want to make it clear that I don't want to lure you away from your goals, I fully support your enthusiasm. I just remember that a me of the [not so distant] past was somewhat similar and ended up strongly disappointed and confused.Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:Seems like you came here for advice and you're disregarding it.Brittswimmer1y6 Wrote:So you can turn the blind eye and only listen to what you want to hear, read what you want to read, and see what you want to see. I'm in no ways trying to be malicious, I'm just saying that you're steadfast on finding this dream girl and seem to be trying to justify what many of us see as unjustifiable.I try to acknowledge and accept all of the information that I've been given here. Did I leave any of your post out? I indeed try to be steadfast and tenacious, and my goals indeed have critics. But if nay-saying and a few doubters were enough to cause someone to abandon their life goals, then that person is quite weak indeed.
But for those RTK-ers urging caution, I will say that I don't expect to win the lottery tomorrow just because I plan to buy a ticket. But I will hope to win, and be a little disappointed if (or likely when) I don't. But there's still tomorrow and the lottery will still be there.
Similarly I'm going to Japan hoping for something wonderful. And if it doesn't happen the way I want or at all, then I will be extremely disappointed, but life goes on, and there's plenty of fish in the sea for everyone. Even those with uncommon or unusual standards or preferences.
日本国民の恋愛関係の話へ戻っても良いですか？
Love in Japan... - captal - 2009-07-16
Today's highlights for those who don't want to read the whole thread:
Aijin is dirty, and we like it.
Icecream is a girl (wtf!)
Keep your fingers away from minors
TheTrueBlues is really a 7 year-old businessman
We all probably need counciling
(there was something else that really made me laugh, but I've forgotten in my effort to wade through all the unread posts)
Love in Japan... - FutureBlues - 2009-07-16
TheTrueBlue Wrote:I have to respectfully disagree here, for many reasons already stated. It is what it is, but what it is, is not so insignificant as many here make it out to be. My experience indicates to me having sex for the first time is a big step for most couples.What experience? You have none.
Love in Japan... - FutureBlues - 2009-07-16
captal Wrote:Today's highlights for those who don't want to read the whole thread:Bolded for emphasis. She's has a sharp wit, too, which is worth double points.
Aijin is dirty, and we like it.
Icecream is a girl (wtf!)
Keep your fingers away from minors
TheTrueBlues is really a 7 year-old businessman
We all probably need counciling
(there was something else that really made me laugh, but I've forgotten in my effort to wade through all the unread posts)
Love in Japan... - Nii87 - 2009-07-16
FutureBlues Wrote:Agreed. Those recent posts by her were also the most unexpected thing I've seen so far in this thread.captal Wrote:Today's highlights for those who don't want to read the whole thread:Bolded for emphasis. She's has a sharp wit, too, which is worth double points.
Aijin is dirty, and we like it.
Icecream is a girl (wtf!)
Keep your fingers away from minors
TheTrueBlues is really a 7 year-old businessman
We all probably need counciling
(there was something else that really made me laugh, but I've forgotten in my effort to wade through all the unread posts)
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
FutureBlues Wrote:I responded to every one of your points as respectfully and thoroughly as I could on page 9 and you come back with an ad hominem attack.TheTrueBlue Wrote:I have to respectfully disagree here, for many reasons already stated. It is what it is, but what it is, is not so insignificant as many here make it out to be. My experience indicates to me having sex for the first time is a big step for most couples.What experience? You have none.
I would give a real reply to your post, but it isn't worth the trouble. Same@Nii87
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
All girls have dirty minds. The ones who claim not to are actually aliens ... or cyborgs... I haven't quite decided which yet. Eh, let's just combine the two to get alien cyborgs and call it a day.
Well, TrueBlue, I wish you best of luck in your quest. Sorry if I sounded insulting or demeaning at all, I didn't mean to come off that way.
Love in Japan... - QuackingShoe - 2009-07-17
Aijin Wrote:All girls have dirty minds.If only I could convince all the other ones to admit it.
The alien cyborg ones, apparently.