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+--- Thread: Love in Japan... (/thread-3512.html)
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
@Ampharos64
I'm very glad your friend is more confident now. And I hope you won't enter the Sisterhood of the "mad-cat-lady" Convent when there's so potentially so much more to life.
As you write Ampharos64, this is a common and malevolent phenomenon, of people using others and then casting them aside. It is reprehensible when one takes and takes from another without concern or giving back. But in my defense, I don't cut these girls off, or tell them to leave me alone. If they want someone to talk to or some help with something and I have the time or resources to oblige, then I try to help them as any decent person would. After all, I had a good time with them, and we were more than friends for a time. Some people don't end their relationships on a good note at all, but I'm grateful that none of mine have ended that way so far.
I didn't take a single penny from those ladies, nor demand or take away extraneous amounts of her time or resources. I had a few dates with them, we were getting into it, then I got a call or remembered I had serious matters that needed attending to and had to leave. Then we just drifted apart. Is that such an unfathomable occurence? And like many guys, I've met girls where nothing of the sort happened, we had a date and then nothing, or she or I was too busy or otherwise engaged.
What if she knew she was just intended as practice for a girl I really hope to find someday? Of course she would probably be extremely offended whether she found out beforehand or afterwards, but again, nothing in life turns out quite exactly the way we plan. Maybe I'll fall in love with one of these girls I intend to only practice or mess around with and it'll end there. But I doubt it and will try diligently to maintain focus on the larger goal.
So I don't think I merit quite the level of dislike that might more properly be reserved for those guys who swear eternal love when they intend nothing and leave a girl pregnant by the curbside with nothing.
@Ice Cream
Haha Ice Cream, I thought you were a guy too. I'm really sorry if those girls were hurt, but doing the dating game is like playing minesweeper in many ways, and most everybody gets hurt or rejected for whatever reason at some point or another.
I do my 100% best to tell the God-honest truth to them, that it's me and my issues, it's not them. But for the most part they're tough city girls who've taken worse and can deal with drifting apart from a guy she went on a few dates with and almost once slept with. It may be unethical and unfair to them on many levels, but as I wrote I place the people closest to me, or those I hope will be closest to me on a far higher level of concern and priority than 他人。
For example, I've discussed with friends what raising kids would be like, or what sorts of financial planning we could anticipate or prepare for 5 or 10 years from now. Those kids of mine don't exist yet, but I care about them and if I can do something to make their life better when they (God willing) do come, then I will.
@Aijin
Every law-abiding adult with no criminal past and an accountable record of paying state taxes should have pepper spray or mace. I get it for my friends on their birthday if they don't have it. Legally in NYC, you're only supposed get 2 at the max, but there's of course ways around that restriction, such as the fact that I don't actually own or possess the ones I get for my friends. E.g. I "lost" the previous ones.
That most people walking around don't have the means to even attempt to repel a possible assault, or robbery, or rape, is non-sensical.
@Kaede
When my family struggled to come here from Communist China, my aunt waited in a line (or more appropriately a gathered mob) for months. She begged and cried and gave bribes for bureaucrats, and shoved and threatened the others there to get closer to the front of the line if necessary. She hurt others and violated the law, for the sake of her younger brother, my dad, and his family to get to come to the U.S.
I respect and honor her actions which caused harm to others because of the reason for which she did it.
I'm not my aunt, and my lovelife isn't immigration, but I would disagree that I treated these girls as less than human. They weren't the person I hope to find and love, and I gave them less priority as a result. Referring back to the example with kids who aren't born yet, would anyone give more priority to other people's kids now, than to your own future child?
Certainly one would be humane and fair to any child, but really? To give strangers the same or more priority than one's own future child? Perhaps there are those who can do this, but I'm not one of them. My own kids come first. Not those of a stranger.
As for guys who maliciously use girls and take all they can get without any concern for her well-being, I loathe them as much as anyone else.
Love in Japan... - kazelee - 2009-07-16
IceCream Wrote:yeah. just cos someone doesnt show you it means something, doesnt mean it doesnt.LOL. Of course girls are people. People who like sex. The only way picking up a chick could be wrong is you hit her over the head and dragged her back to your place. Not agreeing with the message is one thing. Calling it wrong shows a lack of understanding, or willingness to understand, though.
This is exactly what i meant about "the game" and Neil Strauss. It's really wrong!!
girls....are....people....
Musashi Wrote:And to the party girls, the name says it no? Girl want party, guy want party, let's party, party over, next. No feeling involved.LOL.
Musashi Wrote:Holy ****!!! Now things make sense.IceCream Wrote:♥♥♥ lust ♥♥♥おかしいなぁ！I always thought you were a guy
but, i'd have a problem with it, not because its casual, but generally, id like a guy to actually be into it... not doing some weird experiment on me for the future.
Also, if im going for that and some guy takes me home and then for some reason then doesn't want to, theres a good chance im going to question whether theres something wrong with me, or i did something wrong. its kind of embarrassing to be rejected like that. Don't men feel the same?IceCreamちゃん♪ (hehe)
Why in the heck would you read a book like that if you are a female? That'd be like a guy getting worked up after reading "The Rules." If you've read it you'd know exactly what I mean. That shit's horrible... to most guys. To many females, though, it makes perfect sense.
OP Wrote:Every law-abiding adult with no crimincal past and an accountable record of paying state taxes should have pepper spray or mace. I get it for my friends on their birthday if they don't have it. Legally in NYC, you're only supposed get 2 at the max, but there's of course ways around that restriction, such as the fact that I don't actually own or possess the ones I get for my friends. E.g. I "lost" the previous ones.Forgive my ignorance, but is this really as necessary in Japan.
Love in Japan... - FutureBlues - 2009-07-16
Perhaps you should take some of these millions you intend to make on the quest to be financially solvent and go see a psychiatrist?
I'm no doctor, but if you were to show this thread to the girls you intended to wine and dine, I imagine that most would freak out. It might be worth going to a doctor just to find a healthier way to express and nurture these desires you have.
Love in Japan... - kazelee - 2009-07-16
FutureBlues Wrote:Perhaps you should take some of these millions you intend to make on the quest to be financially solvent and go see a psychiatrist?Of course... And if you showed her your porn collection...
I'm no doctor, but if you were to show this thread to the girls you intended to wine and dine, I imagine that most would freak out. It might be worth going to a doctor just to find a healthier way to express and nurture these desires you have.
Love in Japan... - QuackingShoe - 2009-07-16
IceCream Wrote:noooo what am i doing to sound like a guy?? o.O<--------- knew you were a girl.
maybe the picture will help...
It's not your fault though. Anyone online just defaults to male, unless they talk like "hahaha omg squeee!"
Edit: Or have names like 'kazelee'
Love in Japan... - Jarvik7 - 2009-07-16
Liar, there are no girls on the internet!
</obligatory>
Love in Japan... - kazelee - 2009-07-16
IceCream Wrote:noooo what am i doing to sound like a guy?? o.OI think it was the way you were giving advice. I thought you were a male feminist for a moment there, lol.
Quote:maybe the picture will help...Is that... blood?
QuackinShoe Wrote:Edit: Or have names like 'kazelee'ｆ（－－；）
何なんだこりゃ？男だ、男だよ！
Love in Japan... - Brittswimmer1y6 - 2009-07-16
Jarvik7 Wrote:Liar, there are no girls on the internet!All men are men.
</obligatory>
All women are men.
All children are FBI agents.
Love in Japan... - jonjimbo2000 - 2009-07-16
OK. This thread is getting a bit weird now. You're talking about caring for your kids who don't exist yet with a women you haven't met yet. I think your getting a bit ahead of yourself . . . one step at a time.
By the way is anyone else slightly distrubed by IceCream's picture (maybe its just me). When I first saw it ... oh well nevermind!!!
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
I don't quite understand...if you're unable to find your 'ideal love' in NYC, why would you possibly find it in Japan? It's only going to be more difficult than it is in your present situation.
And all this romanticizing of the first time of sex seems very silly to me. Regardless of what you see in movies and in romance novels, there isn't going to be any simultaneous climax on a bed of roses with violins playing in the background. Yes, you can make it extremely romantic, and it will be special to you if it's with the right person, but why wouldn't future encounters be even better?
Speaking of violins, if I handed you one and it was your first time playing, you are going to sound like dying farm animals, regardless of how many violin concerti you watched on youtube, how many violin books you've read about, etc. Why should that 'first' experience of playing be special? On the contrary, the first time is just a progression to being able to play better and enjoy it more. You can't expect to get the same fulfilment playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as you can from playing Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto. It's the same with sex. The first time should never be viewed as some magical moment of utter bliss in which every thing else in life will fail in comparison.
Once you have had sex with your partner hundreds of times, have learned every nuance of what pleasures them, have experimented with tons of things, etc, your sex is going to be infinitely better than your 'first time' with that person.
Love in Japan... - kazelee - 2009-07-16
jonjimbo2000 Wrote:By the way is anyone else slightly distrubed by IceCream's picture (maybe its just me). When I first saw it ... oh well nevermind!!!Ｓｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｃｋ！！！
ＬＯＬ
Ｔｈｅ ｓａｍｅ ｓｔｕｆｆ ｈｅ’ｓ ｔｙｐｉｎｇ ｉｓ ｔｈｅ ｓａｍｅ ｓｔｕｆｆ ａ ｌｏｔ ｏｆ ｐｅｏｐｌｅ ｔｈｉｎｋ ａｂｏｕｔ ｂｕｔ ｒｅｆｕｓｅ ｔｏ ｓａｙ ｉｔ ｆｏｒ ｆｅａｒ ｏｆ ｔｈｅ ｃｒｅｅｐ ｒｅａｃｔｉｏｎ．
Aijin Wrote:I don't quite understand...if you're unable to find your 'ideal love' in NYC, why would you possibly find it in Japan? It's only going to be more difficult than it is in your present situation.Ｄａｍｎ．
And all this romanticizing of the first time of sex seems very silly to me. Regardless of what you see in movies and in romance novels, there isn't going to be any simultaneous climax on a bed of roses with violins playing in the background. Yes, you can make it extremely romantic, and it will be special to you if it's with the right person, but why wouldn't future encounters be even better?
Speaking of violins, if I handed you one and it was your first time playing, you are going to sound like dying farm animals, regardless of how many violin concerti you watched on youtube, how many violin books you've read about, etc. Why should that 'first' experience of playing be special? On the contrary, the first time is just a progression to being able to play better and enjoy it more. You can't expect to get the same fulfilment playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as you can from playing Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto. It's the same with sex. The first time should never be viewed as some magical moment of utter bliss in which every thing else in life will fail in comparison.
Once you have had sex with your partner hundreds of times, have learned every nuance of what pleasures them, have experimented with tons of things, etc, your sex is going to be infinitely better than your 'first time' with that person.
Ｉ ｔｈｉｎｋ Ｉ’ｌｌ ｇｏ ｔａｋｅ ａ ｓｈｏｗｅｒ．
I agree with everything except the comparison with a violin. You can product beautiful music with a violin the first time you pick it up. Music does not have to be a set number of notes in time. Simply sliding the bow across the string gently is enough.
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
Clearly you haven't ever listened to someone play a violin for the first time. Even the open string notes make the violin sound like it's being tortured to death. You almost want to throw it into an open fire just to put the instrument out of it's misery.
Hopefully TrueBlue's's future wife won't make those sounds when he slides his bow across her G string... (sorry, I was a violinist in a youth orchestra...gotta crack out my string-instrument sex puns once and while,
)Edit: woops, said the wrong person name...so many usernames...ahh, my brain!
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
@FutureBlues
Perhaps not if they read through it carefully and with an open mind.
@Kazelee
Good point.
@Ice Cream
What quackingshoe said.
@jonjimbo2000
Unlike a lot of my friends that are my age, I like to have plans for the future, and 10 years in the future for kids isn't that far off to start thinking about how much should be put it away or how it should be given or spent, or what kinds of assets might accrue best over time.
I don't obsess over it, I brought up the issue of kids to illustrate how this whole "doesn't exist" angle isn't always completely appropriate.
@Aijin
I answered the question about why Japan and not NYC eariler in the thread.
Aijin Wrote:Regardless of what you see in movies and in romance novels, there isn't going to be any simultaneous climax on a bed of roses with violins playing in the backgroundAgain, I already wrote several times now that I agree and know it won't be anything supernatural or miraculous.
Aijin Wrote:Speaking of violins, if I handed you one and it was your first time playing, you are going to sound like dying farm animals, regardless of how many violin concerti you watched on youtube, how many violin books you've read about, etc. Why should that 'first' experience of playing be special?I've addressed this issue before with FutureBlues, I don't at all equate the act of making love to playing violin as you put it or eating mayonaise as FutureBlues had it. Making love is far more significant. It's in the previous posts.
Aijin Wrote:The first time should never be viewed as some magical moment of utter bliss in which every thing else in life will fail in comparison.I'm not asserting that it is, I'm saying that most people don't plan for it or think about it, it just happens, and it sucks or is forgettable for them. I don't plan to be one of those people. Nor will I devalue this part of my life because their own was insignificant.
Aijin Wrote:Once you have had sex with your partner hundreds of times, have learned every nuance of what pleasures them, have experimented with tons of things, etc, your sex is going to be infinitely better than your 'first time' with that person.I agree. With your partner. With that person.
Love in Japan... - FutureBlues - 2009-07-16
Aijin Wrote:Clearly you haven't ever listened to someone play a violin for the first time. Even the open string notes make the violin sound like it's being tortured to death. You almost want to throw it into an open fire just to put the instrument out of it's misery.Hahaha, I think you meant TheTrueBlue's future wife.
Hopefully IceCream's future wife won't make those sounds when he slides his bow across her G string... (sorry, I was a violinist in a youth orchestra...gotta crack out my string-instrument sex puns once and while,
That Ice Cream is female, I think, is the conclusion we've come to just recently in this thread.
Love in Japan... - liosama - 2009-07-16
Tzadeck Wrote:hahahliosama Wrote:Teamliquid.net ?Actually, I always preferred gosugamers.net in the good old days. It seems to be down right now for whatever reason. Teamliquid was up there on the good websites though. For the record, I still sucked for many many games despite reading those websites through and through for advice.
This kinda makes me want to fire up an old Nada or Savior game... or a Nada VS Savior game. Mua ha ha.
Okay, done dorking out.
Some of the advice threads on TL are pretty detailed, I personally never bothered going past basic build orders and winging it from there. Otherwise I'd find myself spending weeks just to understand the intermediate sort of strategies, then there was the time wasted in watching demos.
Was too much for me, I still play semi-frequently though. Nothing beats the BiSu Savior games though, they were prolific.
Still a good enough sport purely for spectating reasons.
Love in Japan... - Ampharos64 - 2009-07-16
TheTrueBlue Wrote:@Ampharos64XD, I don't know, I think it will suit me. As long as I can read in peace, with my kitties curled up next to me, I'm fine. That's what I'm hoping there is to life, anyway.
And I hope you won't enter the Sisterhood of the "mad-cat-lady" Convent when there's so potentially so much more to life.
I think I would give them more priority, since they're the people who are with me right now, rather than someone hypothetical. I see that you don't mean to, and perhaps don't hurt anyone though. I agree with previous posters that your ideal girl would likely be unhappy with it, however.
I'm not sure whether or not it really counts as different from a casual fling, either, simply because you don't cross a certain line. I don't know. Up to you, anyway, I guess.
Hmm, though you want to make this girl happy, yet maybe you have a lot of expectations for this one person to have to bear?
Ach, I'm not sure that made sense, too tired. >_< I mean, if you're going to devote yourself to this person, that's a lot of pressure. *Resists temptation to quote the: 'Oh, you want too much!' line from The Great Gatsby...wait... ; )*
*Is scared by IceCream's new picture (new-new one much better)*
Anyway, more Kanji!
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
Ahh, I edited it, yeah, I meant TrueBlue...all these names confuse me sometimes
Well, I'm glad you don't want to devalue your first time, there's nothing wrong with that. My first time was extremely romantic, and was memorable for the emotions even if it was painful...
On that note, make sure your virginal lover is at least used to penetration. Because it might ruin your first time when your lover winces everytime you attempt to do pelvic gymnastics.
I don't really understand the need for this thread though. You want to marry a girl who loves you, alright, but how are we supposed to offer advice on a relationship that doesn't yet exist, may never exist, with a girl that doesn't exist?
Love in Japan... - QuackingShoe - 2009-07-16
Aijin Wrote:gotta crack out my string-instrument sex puns once and while,I just broke a G-string fingering a minor.
Love in Japan... - jonjimbo2000 - 2009-07-16
FutureBlues Wrote:Thats just what this thread needs ... a discussion about same sex marriage (which I'm all for by the way.) It has everything else!Aijin Wrote:Hopefully IceCream's future wife won't make those sounds when he slides his bow across her G string... (sorry, I was a violinist in a youth orchestra...gotta crack out my string-instrument sex puns once and while,Hahaha, I think you meant TheTrueBlue's future wife.
That Ice Cream is female, I think, is the conclusion we've come to just recently in this thread.
As for IceCream's new picture - it's a big improvement. Thanks.
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
QuackingShoe Wrote:HAH! I hadn't heard of that one. I've heard every joke about "F-Holes" though.Aijin Wrote:gotta crack out my string-instrument sex puns once and while,I just broke a G-string fingering a minor.
Love in Japan... - kazelee - 2009-07-16
Aijin Wrote:Clearly you haven't ever listened to someone play a violin for the first time. Even the open string notes make the violin sound like it's being tortured to death.Really! So the violin itself isn't what sounds like a tortured kitten in heat!? Anywho, that one open note, played softly and slowly will sound better than a beginner attempting to play some of the heavier violin pieces. Sorry I don't know any specific pieces. I'm a pianist ;P.
I got an idea. Replace violin with piano and then everything makes sense.
Aijin Wrote:You almost want to throw it into an open fire just to put the instrument out of it's misery.I'd never do such a thing to an instrument. Now, to the person who's playing it.....
Aijin Wrote:Hopefully TrueBlue's's future wife won't make those sounds when he slides his bow across her G string... (sorry, I was a violinist in a youth orchestra...gotta crack out my string-instrument sex puns once and while,Damn! you just killed that beautiful image you painted a in your earlier post. I hate you. I hate you so very much.
Edit: woops, said the wrong person name...so many usernames...ahh, my brain!
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
Well, the first time playing piano is shitty compared to when you can crack open Ravel's Gaspard de la Nuit and play the Scarbo movement
Love in Japan... - kazelee - 2009-07-16
Aijin Wrote:Well, the first time playing piano is shitty compared to when you can crack open Ravel's Gaspard de la Nuit and play the Scarbo movementTruthfully, I hate the Gaspard de la Nuit (well hate is a strong word). I find an absolute beginner playing Chopin's 4th Prelude to be more enjoyable. That being said, yeah the first time sux, especially when you are self taught. There are some things you just can't learn no matter how many books you read. I remember my first good teacher. One session with her improved my sound tremendously.
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Ampharos64 Wrote:XD, I don't know, I think it will suit me. As long as I can read in peace, with my kitties curled up next to me, I'm fine. That's what I'm hoping there is to life, anyway.You can be with someone you love and have the kitties and the books too!
Ampharos64 Wrote:I think I would give them more priority, since they're the people who are with me right now, rather than someone hypothetical. I see that you don't mean to, and perhaps don't hurt anyone though.But in the example we're discussing, they're strangers, not family or close friends. Please skim that section of my previous post again if you would, perhaps I wrote it poorly.
Ampharos64 Wrote:I agree with previous posters that your ideal girl would likely be unhappy with it, however.Here's what I will tell her (if she asks) about my romantic past, which will be the truth: Before I met you, I went out with a few girls casually. I didn't feel compelled, by my feelings or my wants, to do with her what I've done with you. I simply can't personally bring myself to sleep with someone I don't feel love for.
To be honest, we did some foreplay and other stuff. So I wasn't totally inexperienced coming to our first time together, なんて言うか。。。練習。。。かも。。。な？（笑）. But I just didn't want to have my first experience with them. Instead, as things progressed, I just thought "You know, this girl, she's not the one, I can't do it." and I didn't.
Ampharos64 Wrote:Hmm, though you want to make this girl happy, yet maybe you have a lot of expectations for this one person to have to bear?Call me traditional, but as a guy I will endeavor to help her bear whatever life throws at her. I try to be strict with myself, but my number one goal with her will only to be sure that she's happy and living well. She can get a high-powered career if that's what she feels will make her happy, or she can be a housewife if she wants. It would be unreasonable of me to impose anything of that sort on her.
My expectations are more of who that person is and less what she will do.
@Aijin
Aijin Wrote:On that note, make sure your virginal lover is at least used to penetration. Because it might ruin your first time when your lover winces everytime you attempt to do pelvic gymnastics.Yes, as my critics have bashed me for, I've read personal interviews of women and their first time. What felt good, what felt rushed or uncomfortable, and I've tried to take what I can from their narratives. I plan for my first time to be 一晩中, and the main act will certainly not be within the first half hour or even hour. Unless she demands it. (Wishful thinking!)
If she's in any pain or discomfort, I'd stop immediately and ask her if she was ok, or if I was doing something she didn't like. After all, this is the girl I've decided to have this experience with, someone for whom I feel emotions I've never felt for any other girl before.
I'd go slowly, finding what feels good for her or what doesn't. Using all of what I've learned or tried to learn to make her feel as good as I believe she deserves to feel.
If she doesn't orgasm that night, as I've read many virgins don't, then of course I won't bring it up or press the issue. It was possibly my own short-comings and lack of experience. But there's plenty of time, and I want to make her the happiest girl in the world, if nothing else than because she's made me the luckiest guy.
I would demand nothing from her, after all, it's "her" that I've fallen in love with. だから， そのままでいいよ。
Aijin Wrote:I don't really understand the need for this thread though. You want to marry a girl who loves you, alright, but how are we supposed to offer advice on a relationship that doesn't yet exist, may never exist, with a girl that doesn't exist?Well this thread is "Love in Japan" right? I've never been to Japan except flying through Tokyo or Narita on the way to the mainland or back to the U.S. Things like how omiai works or that cities are something I should especially not waste time on, or that Japanese ren'ai often involves a "middleman" friend are not intuitive. I've learned them thanks to the kind and wise forum-goers here at RTK.
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
I didn't appreciate the Gaspard de la Nuit until I tried to learn it. Just listening to it, it the virtuosity isn't as obvious as it is in something like the Études d'exécution transcendante.
I'd rather listen to a Rachmaninoff concerto any day of the week though
Well, maybe TrueBlue can find a kama sutra teacher, and he and his future wife can practice etc before they do it. Mock sex, if you will, kinda like people practice CPR on plastic dolls before they do it to real people.