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+--- Thread: Love in Japan... (/thread-3512.html)
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
I'm not lying in any way. These are my goals, and that's who I am. As I posted eariler, it's no burden on me what anyone but accomplished persons I personally am involved with thinks of me.
But I understand that not all forum-goers are as forgiving or understanding as others. I merely ask for advice, not sympathy or well wishes.
Ben_Nielson Wrote:No young man who hasn't had sex gets into bed with a beautiful woman, fools around, and then leaves so as to avoid ruining some mythical perfect moment of first-time sex that he's built up in his mind.Hi, nice to meet you too. Not every young man is so desperate or horny for a beautiful woman that they're jumping at her like animals. That's a mass media stereotype over-inflated by the reality that indeed, young men typically are in sexual overdrive, but people can do extreme things for their ideals.
Think of those buddhist monks who self-immolated themselves to protest. Or any social worker who takes a shitty 30,000 dollar a year job to help inner-city poor folks. Or the millions of Americna teens, that for religious reasons, get intimate with their equally religious boyfriend/girlfriend, but stop short of crossing the line. Thoes kids aren't just attracted to each other, they might even feel they're in love! マジで I can't even imagine how hard that sacrifice must be, at least I don't give a rip about the girls I practice on. The convictions of self-sacrifice for greater reward fulfills a certain minisicule proportion of the population.
I would hope that people would be open-minded enough to at least acknowledge the possibility of their attaining a greater goal. Else groups or events such as the Civil Rights movement: large numbers of people putting themselves at risk of grave physical injury or worse for ideals, doesn't have nearly as much to be proud of, if they were just delusional or hopeless idealists who got lucky.
Ben_Nielson Wrote:Sex is awesome, but not 10% of what you're making it out to be.Your personal take on the matter. Duly noted.
@Brittswimmer1y6 and Tobberoth
That's exactly the kind of girl I'm looking for. Of course I would encourage her to pursue the goals she wanted in life. But if nothing in life satisfies her, and if me being there for her, this girl that I love, fulfills her so. Then I (only speaking for myself of course) would be grateful for her devotion.
And here you guys already went had one without any extreme superhuman effort. Most relationship oriented sites have a plethora of text disparaging clingy people. But nevertheless, a good sign for me.
I've had clingy friends and girlfriends before. Never bothered me, but I was lucky that their attentions never went from calling a lot to getting violent.
and lol＠Musashi
Yellow fever て。。。 唉呀... きもいすぎる。。。
For the RTK guys poking Confucius in the side:
"Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart."
and the modern Confucius, George Carlin (RIP MF-er)
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? "
Love in Japan... - Yinake - 2009-07-16
Musashi Wrote:I did. I didn't see much offensive stuff here, except for that one post. Maybe I'm just hard-boiled. For the most part, it's been a good thread.Yinake Wrote:Did you actually read the thread and title?Musashi Wrote:The yellow fever is raging in here!So far this thread has had a refreshing lack of, "I liek azn grrlz bcuz of there tite pu$$ies".
....Please don't take it as an incentive, guys. XD;
Also, I'll be the first to admit to having the yellow fever, so yeah.
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-16
TheTrueBlue Wrote:and lol＠Musashi就是了吗。想起来有时后真觉得很反感呀。
Yellow fever て。。。 唉呀... きもいすぎる。。。
For the RTK guys poking Confucius in the side:
"Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart."
and the modern Confucius, George Carlin (RIP MF-er)
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? "
Yinake Wrote:Hah, I wasn't referring to any offensive posts here, just saying yellow fever. Ya'll just admit you have it, heheMusashi Wrote:I did. I didn't see much offensive stuff here, except for that one post. Maybe I'm just hard-boiled. For the most part, it's been a good thread.Yinake Wrote:So far this thread has had a refreshing lack of, "I liek azn grrlz bcuz of there tite pu$$ies".Did you actually read the thread and title?
....Please don't take it as an incentive, guys. XD;
Also, I'll be the first to admit to having the yellow fever, so yeah.
Love in Japan... - bodhisamaya - 2009-07-16
Musashi Wrote:就是了吗。想起来有时后真觉得很反感呀。Maybe there should be a Chinese only thread :/
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-16
bodhisamaya Wrote:aww, if I could speak local Hawaiian I wouldMusashi Wrote:就是了吗。想起来有时后真觉得很反感呀。Maybe there should be a Chinese only thread :/
, always loved that they have these super long words
Love in Japan... - kazelee - 2009-07-16
Musashi Wrote:That, my friend, is the right question.kazelee Wrote:erhm...how is that racist?Musashi Wrote:The yellow fever is raging in here!LOL. Weren't you just crying racist, though?
Love in Japan... - Yinake - 2009-07-16
Musashi Wrote:Ya'll just admit you have it, heheYepp, I'm one of the few women who have it. So it doesn't really bother me when other people do, as long as they're not... creepy about it. And so far this thread has been a bit /facepalm on occasion, but not creepy, really.
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-16
Yinake Wrote:Oh, yeah that is rare indeedMusashi Wrote:Ya'll just admit you have it, heheYepp, I'm one of the few women who have it. So it doesn't really bother me when other people do, as long as they're not... creepy about it. And so far this thread has been a bit /facepalm on occasion, but not creepy, really.
Usually yellow fever is guysばかり
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
IceCream Wrote:Well IceCream, how would someone best approach such a situation then? I would offer her comfort, support, professional help if she wants it or if a psychiatrist I consult on the matter strongly suggests it. Or an intervention if a mental health care professional strongly advised it.TheTrueBlue Wrote:@Brittswimmer1y6 and TobberothIf I could change your opinion on 1 thing, it would be this.
That's exactly the kind of girl I'm looking for. Of course I would encourage her to pursue the goals she wanted in life. But if nothing in life satisfies her, and if me being there for her, this girl that I love, fulfills her so. Then I (only speaking for myself of course) would be grateful for her devotion.
This type of feeling, and dependence, is not in any way a nice feeling for a person to ever have!!! It hurts like absolute hell, and sometimes will end in confidence and mental health problems. It's also fairly common in young, naive girls, and lots of people just naturally grow out of it. But please, please don't encourage it unless you want your girlfriend to go through intense pain at some point.
***
Totally off topic, but i stopped smoking 2 days ago and my head feels like it has filled with slugs.
I can't study
How long / how many anki reviews will i have before it goes away??
But if she needs me, I'll be there for her. I know that it's similar in certain ways to parents doting on their kids and never "letting" them be independent. But my primary concern is her happiness and well-being.
If she's happy, smiles, and is doing things she enjoys doing, then I won't do anything to impede her 幸せ。 But if she's clinging to me at home feeling miserable and melancholy. Then for certain, not I or anyone should let the situation stagnant or deteriorate.
Should I impose a textbook definition of what a healthy functional adult is on her lifestyle or her choices?
Love in Japan... - Kaede - 2009-07-16
Okay, TheTrueBlue, I was going to make a few comments on things you've said and ask a couple questions, but then I read this:
TheTrueBlue Wrote:I can't even imagine how hard that sacrifice must be, at least I don't give a rip about the girls I practice on.and realized you're not worth speaking to. If that is actually how you feel, then it seems to me in the end all you really care about is yourself, and I hope this "ideal" girl, if you ever find her, will be able to see that.
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-16
bodhisamaya Wrote:...Musashi Wrote:The yellow fever is raging in here!How does one make a racist remark at a white person? (Actually my skin varies from a peachy shade to mocha depending on how much I time I spend at the beach).
In Hawaii, we are called Haole, which translates into, "one with no soul". That would seem a fairly strong racial slur (for those who believe in a permanent individual soul) though no one really gets offended by it.
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Kaede Wrote:Okay, TheTrueBlue, I was going to make a few comments on things you've said and ask a couple questions, but then I read this:I care alot about myself, and about the girl I hope to find in Japan. But these girls were all liberated empowered women who did what they wanted, who they wanted with. I didn't lie and say I cared about them or I love them or anything of that sort.
TheTrueBlue Wrote:I can't even imagine how hard that sacrifice must be, at least I don't give a rip about the girls I practice on.and realized you're not worth speaking to. If that is actually how you feel, then it seems to me in the end all you really care about is yourself, and I hope this "ideal" girl, if you ever find her, will be able to see that.
As FutureBlues wrote of, there are many people who don't place such high value on intimate physical interactions, I didn't make love to or attempt to make love with any of these girls or say anything to insinuate anything other than a casual encounter.
But I appreciate their worldview and their values, that having sex doesn't always mean signing your life away. None of them have called back bearing ill will towards me, only confusion and a little disappointment, and I don't wish bad things on any of them either. If they ask, I just say it's me and my own reasons, which is why I only went so far. I didn't coerce or lie in word or deed. None of those girls gave me any indication that they were doing something they felt was truly serious or were opening up a special part of themselves to me.
Certainly girls exist who feel that it is opening up a special part of themselves to do this, but I unfortunately haven't personally met any who've indicated to me that they do.
It's like those married folks who talk about having messed around when they were younger until they "met the one." I'm just messing around, and I didn't attempt to fool any of those girls into believing anything otherwise.
If I can the find the kind of girl I'm hoping for (posted previously), and may my eternal soul be damned to burning hellfire for all time if I'm lying, I will cherish and support her with all my ability. I will do everything in my power to deny her nothing, to always see to her needs, even if what she wants is space away from me for a while, or to drag me to a family get-together I hate, or to trust her on something I'm not at all certain of.
I admit that I don't value all people equally. I care for my family an infinitude more than any stranger on the street. If I had to kill 1,000 people to save the life of my little sister, I would. If I have to disappoint a dozen party girls to ensure that I'm as prepared as possible to give my love a premium level of satisfaction and fulfillment on our first time, then I will.
Love in Japan... - bodhisamaya - 2009-07-16
TheTrueBlue Wrote:If I can the find the kind of girl I'm hoping for (posted previously), and may my eternal soul be damned to burning hellfire for all time if I'm lying, I will cherish and support her with all my ability. I will do everything in my power to deny her nothing, to always see to her needs, even if what she wants is space away from me for a while, or to drag me to a family get-together I hate, or to trust her on something I'm not at all certain of.Can I get your autograph now? You are going to be famous one day. Be sure to review the stalker laws in Japan before falling in love.
I admit that I don't value all people equally. I care for my family an infinitude more than any stranger on the street. If I had to kill 1,000 people to save the life of my little sister, I would. If I have to disappoint a dozen party girls to ensure that I'm as prepared as possible to give my love a premium level of satisfaction and fulfillment on our first time, then I will.
Love in Japan... - danieldesu - 2009-07-16
The creepy part is that you are talking about a girl you have never met and whom you know nothing about. Edit: and that you say you have an undying love for her (whoever she is)
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
bodhisamaya Wrote:I should like to know what you specifically mean bodhisamaya. Does my oath to cherish and love the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with indicate stalker material to you? If she breaks up with me, it'll be my own fault of course, for doing or not doing the wrong things or for mistakenly committing to the wrong person.TheTrueBlue Wrote:If I can the find the kind of girl I'm hoping for (posted previously), and may my eternal soul be damned to burning hellfire for all time if I'm lying, I will cherish and support her with all my ability. I will do everything in my power to deny her nothing, to always see to her needs, even if what she wants is space away from me for a while, or to drag me to a family get-together I hate, or to trust her on something I'm not at all certain of.Can I get your autograph now? You are going to be famous one day. Be sure to review the stalker laws in Japan before falling in love.
I admit that I don't value all people equally. I care for my family an infinitude more than any stranger on the street. If I had to kill 1,000 people to save the life of my little sister, I would. If I have to disappoint a dozen party girls to ensure that I'm as prepared as possible to give my love a premium level of satisfaction and fulfillment on our first time, then I will.
C'est La Vie, I'm still young, praise the Gods. As many posters have indicated, and as I said I agree with, pretty much anyone can fall in love with anyone. And if it happens, I'll have to struggle, as all broken-hearted people must struggle to do, to move on from there.
Love in Japan... - Ampharos64 - 2009-07-16
TheTrueBlue Wrote:I can't even imagine how hard that sacrifice must be, at least I don't give a rip about the girls I practice on."Um, I was concerned about this before, when I asked you to try not to hurt the feelings of these girls, but assumed you didn't mean it to sound as it did, and were perhaps (I suppose understandably) exaggerating out of a desire to seem less inexperienced. If that's really how you feel, though, well, what do you think this girl you're imagining would think if she knew? You're 'practising' (which sounds a bit, well, clinical) on girls that you consider lesser in some way (or they would be your ideal girl), and then you're looking for this virginal girl, who will be good enough to marry.
They may be just party girls to you, but they have feelings, you know. You might have considered my best friend to be a party girl, I suppose, she certainly may have come across that way if you didn't know her, but her parents had gone through a very difficult divorce and she had a lot of self-esteem issues because of that. Men took advantage of her need to be liked, and messed her around, and probably didn't even realise they were doing so, because she couldn't show that it meant more to her.
I truly don't mean to sound harsh, but please try to respect them as another person, at least.
Love in Japan... - TheTrueBlue - 2009-07-16
Ampharos64 Wrote:Ampharos64, I do respect and wish them well. I'm sorry if anyone had a rough upbringing that's led to where they're ill-adjusted to make sound judgements on themselves. I make it 110% clear, that they're fine young women, and they can think I'm secretly gay, or erectile dysfunctional or whatever they want. But it's no fault of theirs that all we did was the equivalent of high schoolers petting, it's my own goals.TheTrueBlue Wrote:I can't even imagine how hard that sacrifice must be, at least I don't give a rip about the girls I practice on."Um, I was concerned about this before, when I asked you to try not to hurt the feelings of these girls, but assumed you didn't mean it to sound as it did, and were perhaps (I suppose understandably) exaggerating out of a desire to seem less inexperienced. If that's really how you feel, though, well, what do you think this girl you're imagining would think if she knew? You're 'practising' (which sounds a bit, well, clinical) on girls that you consider lesser in some way (or they would be your ideal girl), and then you're looking for this virginal girl, who will be good enough to marry.
They may be just party girls to you, but they have feelings, you know. You might have considered my best friend to be a party girl, I suppose, she certainly may have come across that way if you didn't know her, but her parents had gone through a very difficult divorce and she had a lot of self-esteem issues because of that. Men took advantage of her need to be liked, and messed her around, and probably didn't even realise they were doing so, because she couldn't show that it meant more to her.
I truly don't mean to sound harsh, but please try to respect them as another person, at least.
You are right that I probably did sound more coarse and inhumane than I intended. Sorry for the miscommunication. I'm on cordial terms with all but one or two people in my life. And netiher of those people are these girls who I dated. Many of these girls have dated other guys since, and why would they believe I haven't dated other girls? It's a dating scene in big cities. Sometimes things progress, and other times (for a variety of reasons), they stop dead in their tracks.
Love in Japan... - QuackingShoe - 2009-07-16
We're gradually drifting from 'really weird' to 'probably in need of medical attention'
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-16
Ampharos64 Wrote:They may be just party girls to you, but they have feelings, you know. You might have considered my best friend to be a party girl, I suppose, she certainly may have come across that way if you didn't know her, but her parents had gone through a very difficult divorce and she had a lot of self-esteem issues because of that. Men took advantage of her need to be liked, and messed her around, and probably didn't even realise they were doing so, because she couldn't show that it meant more to her.It's not like she was forced or something (was she?), she wanted it too and she (I hope an adult) can think for herself no? If she does something that she regrets later, it's her own fault (well, partially, if people were actually taking advantage of her emotional cling on shame on them), and if she didn't wanted to get involved in all that drama (doesn't perse need to be) she should've stayed at home and watch tv with a bag of potato chips. Sorry to say it so rude, but people can think for themselves unless there was something wrong with them.
And to the party girls, the name says it no? Girl want party, guy want party, let's party, party over, next. No feeling involved. It's not like they're out for a relationship, just purely err...lust. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Love in Japan... - Ampharos64 - 2009-07-16
Hmm, in my experience girls aren't always good at the 'no feelings involved' thing.
/sounding old fashioned
At least, if someone flirts with you, you'd assume they liked you, rather than seeing you as practice for the (unwitting and somewhere in Japan) real thing, right? I'm glad to hear you didn't mean to sound like that, TheTrueBlue. As IceCream says, girls -and guys- are people, though.
In the case of my friend, it was more that they took advantage of her emotional state to push her into situations she wasn't really ready for, and she would always hope desperately it meant more (no, she wasn't an adult, a teenager. She ended up 'dating' many men who were older). She wasn't the clingy type when they were around, they would have simply ignored her if she was. Depressing, anyway, though I think she's more confident now.
*Intends to opt out of this stuff and become a mad cat lady*
Love in Japan... - Tobberoth - 2009-07-16
IceCream Wrote:♥♥♥ lust ♥♥♥A guy who is brought home to a girl without getting the "fun stuff" will probably think the girl is a bitch and messing with him on purpose. I mean, if a guy gets so far that he gets to follow a girl home, he will pretty much consider it a sealed deal.
but, i'd have a problem with it, not because its casual, but generally, id like a guy to actually be into it... not doing some weird experiment on me for the future.
Also, if im going for that and some guy takes me home and then for some reason then doesn't want to, theres a good chance im going to question whether theres something wrong with me, or i did something wrong. its kind of embarrassing to be rejected like that. Don't men feel the same?
Love in Japan... - Aijin - 2009-07-16
QuackingShoe Wrote:We're gradually drifting from 'really weird' to 'probably in need of medical attention'Yeah, I didn't want to say anything and appear rude, but this thread kinda' makes me want to buy some mace and ship it to my friends back home.
Love in Japan... - Kaede - 2009-07-16
Maybe it's just me, but I see a difference in these two situations:
1. "I'm not interested in having a relationship, just casual sex. There's a good chance I won't even call you in the future. That okay with you?"
2. "I'm not interested in having sex with you because you're not worth it. But I would like to fool around some, so when I meet a girl who's actually worth having sex with I might not completely suck at it. How's that sound?"
And I don't even know if I can explain the difference. It just seems to me that in the second example you're treating the other person as less than a person, even if they're not aware of it. TheTrueBlue, no matter what reasons those girls came up with later to explain how you treated them, it doesn't change what the actual reason was. And I can't imagine that someone like you're hoping to find would think highly of a person who has used others in that way.
Love in Japan... - Musashi - 2009-07-16
IceCream Wrote:♥♥♥ lust ♥♥♥おかしいなぁ！I always thought you were a guy
but, i'd have a problem with it, not because its casual, but generally, id like a guy to actually be into it... not doing some weird experiment on me for the future.
Also, if im going for that and some guy takes me home and then for some reason then doesn't want to, theres a good chance im going to question whether theres something wrong with me, or i did something wrong. its kind of embarrassing to be rejected like that. Don't men feel the same?
IceCreamちゃん♪ (hehe)
Love in Japan... - kanjiwarrior - 2009-07-16
IceCream Wrote:ハハハ isnt "Ice Cream" a bit weird for a guy?!?!I don't think so, I had a guy friend online (in an mmo actually) before who's name was "Sugarplum"